quote:
Everyone wondered WTF when Frog wrote:
Don't try to compare yourself to me, boy. You'll fall short everytime.
Well, Jesus! Take all the fun out of it.
quote:
UKKAGORN: It cannot be! You fell! Like those really hard poops!KARNALF: Through fire and water . Like a really hard poop.
[Yey forFlashbacks: Karnalf is battling the Kargramarog on a peak in a game of Connect Four.]
KARNALF: (VOICEOVER): From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought him, the Kargramarog of Ozigoth. I defeated him in every single game we played. From Monopoly to Twister to Chutes & Ladders, his ass was mine.
[Karnalf holds up Glamdring and a flash of lightning strikes it as he dances in victory of his Connect Four. The flash seems to blind the Kargramarog. With a cry and his mouth seems to form an OHNOSE!!!11, the Kargramarog falls from the peak and lands, smoking, onto the icy mountainside. The camera pans back up and Karnalf is lying in the snow, making a snow angel.]
At this part, I laughed so hard that I actually pulled a muscle in my chest. I'm totally serious when I say it hurts to breathe.
And I wouldn't trade this hysterical agony for anything. Holy shit, that's great.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
On that note... very funny, I await the next section!
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
I love this stuff
TERENUM: The Black Gate of Mordork Now that were here, we shall begin our plotting against you, yes yes .
CHALWISE: What was that?
TERENUM: We didnt say anything!
[Below the cliff, Orcs are patrolling the Black Gate doing a poorly executed conga line. Chalwise shakes his head in disgust.]
CHALWISE: Theyre not even using music. We cant sneak past that I dont even want to get close to that. One of them might grab my ass!
[A command is heard and an Orc sounds a horn. Two enormous cave trolls stretch and growl and then pull the mighty Gate open.]
RIG THE TROLL: I cant believe I took a 50% pay cut to move out here in the middle of nowhere, just because the castle is bigger with much lower rent. Theyre still working me too hard. I need a vacation.
DIADEM THE TROLL: Dey movd yu heer and gaef yu da leed ov da chayn. Me stil bak ov da chayn and downwend ov yu. Yu tink yu got it bad. Ho, dats a gud won.
[And back outside to the actual important people in this parody.]
RIG THE TROLL: Hey now!
CHALWISE: The gate is opening! I can see a way down Im gonna crawl to the edge and, while I may be a stout hobbit, Im sure this fragile precipice will hold me.
[Chalwise moves closer to the edge. Suddenly, the rock underneath him gives way and he falls.]
VORBO: Chalwise! This isnt a waterslide!
CHALWISE: Whee!!
[Vorbo goes after Chalwise.]
TERENUM: Baka.
[Two dark human soldiers wearing masks that resemble a jackal for one and wolf or fox.. or both? for the other see streams of dust coming down the cliff and investigate. Vorbo reaches Chalwise who is stuck. As soldiers move closer and closer, Vorbo throws his elvish cloak over himself and Chalwise.]
ZEPHYER: I dont see anything but some dirt and a big rock.
AURY: Lets piss on it and make it ours!
ZEPHYER: Yes, lets do that!
[The two soldiers whiz interesting designs all over Vorbos cloak, wrap themselves back up, and return to their squad.]
VORBO: I am completely speechless.
CHALWISE: I know, Mr. Vorbo. I doubt these elvish cloaks were made for this kind of abuse. Now it kind of smells like Terenum, too.
VORBO: Im not sure its a more pleasant aroma than the swamp I fell into.
CHALWISE: Now or never, Mr. Vorbo. Lets go while the gate is still open!
TERENUM: No! No! No master! They catch you! They catch you. Don't take it to Him. He wants the precioussss. Always he's looking for it. And the preciousss is wanting to go back to him, but we musn't let him have it. Unless we wants to completely ruin the books and go all out!
[Vorbo tries to go, but Terenum won't let him.]
TERENUM: No! There is another way. More secret, and dark way.
CHALWISE: Why haven't you spoke of this before?!
TERENUM: Because master did not ask!
CHALWISE: He is up to something. I can smell it.
VORBO: I dont think thats Terenum youre smelling, Chal.
TERENUM: There is a path, and some stairs and then a tunnel. And maybe a big spider who wants to eat you.
VORBO: Whoa, a big spider? Erm, I dont think thats a good idea, Khygol.
CHALWISE: No, Mr. Vorbo! We gotta! Thats my big part in the books!
VORBO: I dont know. It seems risky and Im afraid Ill get put into some kind of coma and then Ill be out of the story for awhile. No bogarting my story, Chal!
CHALWISE: No, Id never do that! I just wanna impress Rosie and her 5 sisters. Rosa Lin Cotton, I mean.
VORBO: I dont wanna get bitten by a big spider!
TERENUM: Master not worry. Big spider not even in THIS movie.
VORBO: Oh, in that case, lead the way, Khygol.
TERENUM: Good Khygol always help ^_^ [ 03-28-2003: Message edited by: Sauron ]
Dude... Diadem got the shaft.. I can brew up some really bad farts. hehehehe
quote:
ZEPHYER: I dont see anything but some dirt and a big rock.AURY: Lets piss on it and make it ours!
ZEPHYER: Yes, lets do that!
[The two soldiers whiz interesting designs all over Vorbos cloak, wrap themselves back up, and return to their squad.]
VORBO: I am completely speechless.
Cannot put into words the pain I feel from laughing. We need a surgeon general's warning on this thread; I think I tore my diaphragm. Top notch!
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
ZEPHYER: I dont see anything but some dirt and a big rock.
AURY: Lets piss on it and make it ours!ZEPHYER: Yes, lets do that!
[The two soldiers whiz interesting designs all over Vorbos cloak, wrap themselves back up, and return to their squad.]
This was a priceless moment in literary history.
And, very funny.
Nice work.
quote:
Karnaj had this to say about Knight Rider:
Cannot put into words the pain I feel from laughing. We need a surgeon general's warning on this thread; I think I tore my diaphragm. Top notch!
Iagree. That part was hilarious 
Great Bajah !
(still think there was something missing .. something bearish ...)
/pity Diadem
It will stay in the first page so people can read About my Horic Aventures!!!!
Like a Spinerooni, but better
*******************************
[Karnalf, Ukkagorn, Gydli and Faegolas approach a a great Kingdom, built on a hill.]
KARNALF: Edorkas and the Golden Urinals of Jaggedpine, realm of the King of RPCrest, whose mind is overthrown. Parcuman's hold over King Theodelph is now very strong. The King is used to being made fun of, so all it took was a few compliments to win him over.
[Our scene shifts to inside the kingdom, to Addywyn kneeling near Theodelphs throne, feeding her bird while talking to the King.]
ADDYWYN: My lord, TheoJooFlop is dead. My lord? Uncle Dephi? Will you not go to him? Will you do nothing?
[She waves her hand in front of his face.]
ADDYWYN: Martian monkeys are landing in the courtyard and demanding your petunias aargh! Youre not even paying attention! Dont make me sic Meepy on you!
[The bird beeps at Theodelph as we switch back outside again!]
KARNALF: Be careful what you say. Parcuman is watching and then theres that damn bird.
[Addywyn weeps at TheoJooFlop's bedside.. yep, were inside again!]
GRIMZA: Ohh he must have died sometime in the night.. Im sure dropping that refridgerator on him didnt help like we thought it would. What a tragedy for the king to lose his only son and heir and right at latitude 13 by longitude 42, too! I mean, what are the odds? I understand it must be hard for all the good looking men to suddenly be disappearing from this place.
[He places his hand on Addywyn's shoulder, and she looks at it with revulsion. She gets up hastily, and draws back.]
ADDYWYN: Leave me alone, you snake! Although you do have that Swedish twinkle in your eye .
GRIMZA: [Unabashed, he walks towards Addywyn, circling her as he speaks.] Oh, but all the good looking ones ARE gone. Who knows how many of them have wanted you but theyve all been driven off! I dont like them hitting on you!
[He puts his hand to her face, and moves it about her face and neck.]
GRIMZA: So fair, so cold, like a morning of pale spring still clinging to winter's chill. Wanna cybar?
ADDYWYN: [She closes her eyes, and her face quivers. Then she opens her eyes, looking into Grimza's for some time before she speaks, hatefully.] Your words are poison! Get him, Meepy!
[Meepy flies off of Addywyns shoulder as the woman sweeps out of the chamber and walks out onto a balcony, overlooking the lands surrounding RPCrest. Grimzas cursing, amid squawks, can be heard behind her. She casts her eye about, first looking out to the great snow-tipped mountains, and the lands far away. Then something closer catches her attention, and beneath her, three horses gallop towards the city of RPCrest. Then, on its own accord, a flag of RPCrest, to her right, rips from its pole, and sails out on the wind, across the city. And as Ukkagorn and the others approach the city gate, it falls to the ground, just ahead of them. Puzzled, Ukkagorn enters RPCrest. The camera pans, and we are treated to grand views of the great city. (give me my oohs and aahs, damnit!)]
[Karnalf (dressed once more in grey), Ukkagorn, Faegolas, and Gydli (on the same horse as Faegolas), enter a village of RPCrest. It is a quiet place, and the people stand still, and silent, mainly clad in black. As Ukkagorn looks up to the main building, he sees Addywyn standing at the entrance.]
GYDLI: Ive seen happier people finding themselves unexpectedly in the middle of a Dwarven Beer and Fart Convention.
[Ukkagorn looks back up to the main building, and notices that Addywyn has gone. Many guards walk out from the entrance of the Hall, and Karnalf greets them happily.]
KARNALF: Ah. [Feel the emotion!]
LIAMA: I cannot allow you before Theodelph-king so armed, Karnalf Redass... By order of - Grimza Zatongue.
[Frowning, Karnalf nods, gesturing to the others to give up their weapons. Ukkagorn hands over his sword, then pulls out a knife from his clothing, handing that over, too. Faegolas hands over his knives and bow, and, rather reluctantly, Gydli hands over his axe and a bone with a shrug and a smile. With this done, they make their way to the entrance.]
LIAMA: [Gesturing to Karnalf]: Your staff. [Liama starts to reach for the staff.]
KARNALF: Hmm? [He glances at his staff.]
[Innocently]: Oh. No, you would not part an old man from his - karnajing stick.
[Liama stops his hand with a repulsed look on his face, then nods and gestures that they follow him into the hall. Karnalf winks at Ukkagorn, and they enter the hall, Karnalf bent as though with a sudden gain of age. As they enter, Liama bows to the king, then walks off to the side.]
GRIMZA: My Lord. Karnalf is coming. A herald of vulgarity. Prepare for poor momma jokes, Lord.
KARNALF: The courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Theodelph-King. Kinda like your
GRIMZA: [Interrupting] He is not welcome.
THEODELPH: Why should I welcome you, Karnalf - Stormarse?
GRIMZA: [In Theodelph's ear]: A just question, my liege.
[He rises, and walks out towards Karnalf, and we see that, Karnalf's staff is hidden from view.]
GRIMZA: [Loudly, so all can hear]: Its rather late for this sorcerer to arrive in RPCrest. Jackass, I name him!. Ill news makes for an ill guest.
KARNALF: How dare you interrupt my momma joke! I have not passed through fire and pain to have my jokes put on hold by a dumbass with no sense of humor! [He pulls out his staff from under his cloak.]
GRIMZA: Your staff... [Slowly yet impatiently, to the guards]: I told you to take the wizard's staff!
[The guards rush out from the sides, and Ukkagorn, Faegolas, and Gydli take them on without difficulty. Even with weapons against unarmed men, Jens, Arttemis, and Gomateaux just dont put up much of a fight. Grimza hurries off to the side, and Karnalf approaches the King.]
KARNALF: Theodelph, my old friend. Too long have you sat in in that chair. It probably reeks of ass sweat by now, though Im sure you have a superior groove to sit on..
[Gydli spots Grimza cowering on the floor, and sits on him.]
GYDLI: [To Grimza]: I would stay still if I were you. I didnt exactly eat healthy today you really wouldnt wanna rattle me around much!
[Grimza looks horrified and stops all movement.]
KARNALF: Listen to me! Ill break the hold Parcuman has on you! The perfect counter to compliments is insults and who better than I!
THEODELPH: Hahahahahahahaha! You have no powers here, Assmaster. Haha! Ah!!
KARNALF: I will remove you, Parcuman. I will force you out like a brickhard poop laced with glass!
[Addywyn rushes in, tries to go to Theodelph, but Ukkagorn holds her back.]
UKKAGORN: Waet a secand.
THEODELPH: [in Parcuman's voice] If I go, Theodelph dies. Hell never survive without compliments!
KARNALF: Does anyone really- care?
THEODELPH: [in Parcuman's voice] RPCrest is mine! I won it fair and square!
KARNALF: You are constipation and Im the ex-lax! [Theodelph lunges forwards, and Karnalf swings his staff at him, knocking him back in his seat.] FORE!
[In Orcstanc, Parcuman falls to the ground. Then, now weary, Theodelph folds forward on his seat, as though about to collapse. Addywyn rushes up to him, and Ukkagorn releases her from his grasp. Off to the side, Liama puts his hand on a fully armored guards shoulder (Youll see him again at Helms Deep! Go Mortling!), as they both watch in wonder.. well, Liama does.. you cant tell what Mortling is staring at. Its probably Addywyn, though.. Addywyn supports Theodelph by his shoulders, and sets him back in his seat. Panting, he looks around the hall in awe. And as he does so, he seems to shed many years. At last, his gaze falls onto Addywyn. Thats right, kids! Delphi isnt half as old as he looks!]
THEODELPH: I know your face.
[Addywyn smiles and Meepy lands on her shoulder again. The King looks at her, as though trying to recall a distant memory. Then he remembers, and he smiles.]
THEODELPH: Addywyn... Addywyn.
[She smiles, and puts her hand to the King's face, tears of joy in her eyes. Meepy sqawks happily and bounces on Addywyns shoulder. Karnalf steps forward, and Theodelph and Addywyn look up at him.]
THEODELPH: Karnalf? You old dog! Hows your mom and my kids?
KARNALF: Breathe the free air again, my friend. Well, until Gydli cuts loose.
THEODELPH: Oh, a dwarf. I see your point. Though it couldnt be much worse than the stench around here lately.
KARNALF: Your fingers would remember their old strength better... if they grasped your sword.
[Liama runs up with his sword. Theodelph draws it out, then his gaze turns to Grimza. The guards throws Grimza out of the hall and down the stairs.]
GRIMZA: Ah! I've only ever served you, my lord
THEODELPH: Your witchcraft would have had me crawling on all fours like a beast! Im not a furry!
GRIMZA: Dont make me leave! Theres bears out there!
UKKAGORN: [Growling] There bears hear to.
[Theodelphcharges and raises sword to kill Grimza.]
UKKAGORN: No my lord! Let him go. There has been enouf blood spillhing hear!
[Grimza yelps and gets up, running through the crowd and hopping on a horse that was apparently standing there waiting for him, then takes off!]
UKKAGORN: Hail, Theodelph, King!
[The people of RPCrest cheer! Yey! The day is saved!]
THEODELPH: Where is TheoJooFlop? Where is my son?
ADDYWYN: Well, he was recovering then he saw the refridgerator and got this look in his eyes
I nearly sprayed coffee over my monitor.
quote:
KARNALF: I will remove you, Parcuman. I will force you out like a brickhard poop laced with glass!
Note to self: Stop eating bricks and glass.
Top draw, Bajah!
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
KARNALF: You are constipation and Im the ex-lax! [Theodelph lunges forwards, and Karnalf swings his staff at him, knocking him back in his seat.] FORE!
^_^
quote:
Beaukat a.k.a Nibbles stopped staring at Deedlit long enough to write:
Yay! I think this needs to be stickied so no bumps are needed.
I support this!
*Stamac cramp*
Good thing i was not drinking this time!!!!!
quote:
THEODELPH: Your witchcraft would have had me crawling on all fours like a beast! Im not a furry!
Rofl! This was my favorite line.
quote:
KARNALF: I will remove you, Parcuman. I will force you out like a brickhard poop laced with glass!
At this point, I nearly died laughing.
