quote:
Addy attempted to be funny by writing:
Omfg, Captain D owns.
Will D be my daddy?
quote:
Bajah attempted to be funny by writing:
Everyone gets to kick ass. I get three dimwits soldered to my hips. Life is bleak.
quote:
There was much rejoicing when Bajah said this:
Everyone gets to kick ass. I get three dimwits soldered to my hips. Life is bleak.
He can't help it if he's a little- I mean, HEY!
I kid. Don't kill me. 
quote:
Black Mage thought about the meaning of life:
Go, D Go! Go, D Go!
I see blackmage cheering D and two little blackmage cheerleaders dancing for him! All they need are pom poms.
quote:
We were all impressed when Bajah wrote:
Everyone gets to kick ass. I get three dimwits soldered to my hips. Life is bleak.
Yer a furry now!
In other news, I wonder if I shall be in this? It's cool if I'm not, it's a fun story to read [ 04-13-2003: Message edited by: Khyron ]
Parcelan, you are a wonderful writer, and anyone who thinks differently should be shot.
Keep up the good work! 
You must give the people what they want.
They didn't even notice that the great mountain of a man had long since stepped away from the blasts. Their twisted bodies, matching their twisted minds, knew only one thing now: it didn't matter what died, so long as something did.
D: Pitiful creatures...whatever did Snoota do to you?
Suddenly, the formerly blind one stops and transfixes a single, bloodshot eye on the man. His face twists into a vicious snarl.
Blin Di: What did you call me? You dare shed PITY on Clan Snoota?
D: Angry...tortured...and clearly not too bright. I can't really think of anyone more deserving of pity.
Blin Di: I can...
The former human's eye glows a bright blue and narrows to a slit.
Blin Di: ...I extend to you the same pity that I do a well-done steak.
And then, all was alight once more. The lightning burst from his eye like a cannon, and screamed towards the man like an electric banshee.
The warrior barely even flinched as he ducked the bolt and rolled to the side. And his eyes widened only a little in surprise as the former man turned his lightning to follow him. Despite that his face wore the mask of a hero, his feet wore that of a coward, as he quickly began to dash around the former human, a long, azure tongue licking at his heels.
Blin Di: Ha ha! Look at him run!
D: ...would you like me to stop?
Good to his word, the man skids to a halt and slowly faces the former man, his craggy rock of a face cracked by a smug grin.
D: Come. One shot. You can't seem to hit me when I'm moving.
The bandit's eye glows bright red before turning blue once more, and his face contorts into such a snarl it hurts just to look upon it. Suddenly, in a bright flash of sparks, a single bolt flies from his eyes like an arrow. It twists and writhes, spitting sparks as it shrieks towards its target. He grins, certain that his bolt can slay a single man...
...and yet, the howl of pain that follows proves to him that it can also slay a demon.
For that instant, his snarl turns to a look of panic as the great mountain of a man steps gracefully to the side and the flesh-seeking bolt finds a home in the spine of his companion. Try as he might, he cannot shake the image of his companion's terror-filled gaze as Azureusu looks at him for the briefest of moments...before his eyes go white and he collapses, twitching like a dead insect.
D: Ha ha. Look at him shit his pants and shake on the ground.
Blin Di: ...you....you...YOU!
D: ...are about to end this? I agree.
In the blink of one bloodshot eye, steel flashes through the air like a silver gull and connects with a tender neck, severing a head and sending it flying through the air like a wayward hailstone.
Even as the threat ends in a tiny spurt of blood, even as he sheathes his blade, even as he is granted the peaceful knowledge that his lord and land are no longer threatened, the captain is filled with a little regret.
He looks upon his blood-stained robe and sighs...four more months.
Ohhhh Hell, that was funny.
My poor robe.
It's not something people hear about.
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
The gates are nothing more than a burning pile of rubble, the ground is scorched and devasted from fire and lightning, and the bodies of two twisted men now taint the ground, soon to fester in the burning sun. For the first time in years, RPCrest has had to defend itself, and it has been a messy ordeal.
And yet, for all that has taken place, his expression still remains calm and expressionless: the mask of a man died peacefully.
Battu: They came here seeking RosaMaru...
For the first time since he has met them, the advisor looks to the merchant and the boy standing next to him. His face is calm and serene, but his voice is dark and full of warning.
Battu: I fear they will not stop coming. They will come stronger, they will come quicker, and they will come for you as well...
His warning is met with mixed expressions. The merchant furrows his brow in grim understanding. The boy looks at him with worried concern. And though he cannot see it, his fellow advisor scowls at him from behind.
Arttemushu: You are insinuating it would be better if we left.
Battu: As long as you remain here, Clan Snoota will know where to find you. And find you they will...RPCrest's walls are tall and thick, but not impenetrable.
He turns back to look at the carnage below.
Battu: I am not a man to force my opinions, though. You may stay, and we will protect you as best we can. But Snoota will reach you inevitably. The choice is yours...flee and survive, or remain behind and be penetrated by Snoota.
Lenlalru: FLEE! FLEE!
Arttemushu: ...we have much to think about. Perhaps we should discuss this with RosaMaru.
Battu: Discuss quickly, then. She knows the danger, and will be leaving before the sun sets.
His face cracks a small grin at them, and somewhere in the distance, an angel gains its wings.
Battu: You will find her in Lord Zaza-san's court...I suggest you hurry.
They exchange nods of acknowledgement and the two companions scurry towards the stairs leading downwards, as though Snoota were right behind them.
He watches them go for just a moment, then looks back to the ground below as the guards begin cleaning up the carnage. For a moment, peace fulfills him. Like dirt, no matter how bad it gets, battle can always be cleaned up...wounds can always heal. For just a moment, he is fulfilled...
And then his companion speaks.
Black Mage: Was that wise?
Battu: Hm?
Black Mage: You know they will leave. You are sending them out to be hunted down and slain like pheasants by the hounds of Snoota.
Battu: You seem rather annoyed at my suggestion.
Black Mage: I merely do not wish to see lives wasted needlessly...
Battu: Perhaps you do not. Or are you annoyed that you and your master will now have to exercise some effort in finding them now that they are going?
The gentle breeze suddenly dies...the sun's light seems to dim a little...and the entire wall is embraced with a deathly quiet.
Black Mage: ...you accuse me of-
Battu: Treachery. Correct.
Black Mage: On what grounds?
Battu: A number of reasons. First of all, I fail to see how such dimwitted creatures could have found RPCrest and evaded its guardians without inside aid. Second, I know far too well of your lust for power and that only Snoota could grant you the power you sought...
He looks to his shadowy companion with a cold, deadly stare. His slender hand slides into his robe and withdraws a sword slowly, like a serpent of silver.
Battu: ...and third, I have grown quite tired of sharing this position with pondscum.
Dear god, I nearly broke my ribs.
quote:
Iron Parcelan said this about your mom:
The choice is yours...flee and survive, or remain behind and be penetrated by Snoota.
Rooflesupo!
(and the RQG gave this a lovely new context...)
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
Black Mage: I suppose there is no longer any point to continuing this charade. Besides, I was just aching to use the gifts given to me by Clan Snoota.
In the blink of an eye, the shadowy man's cloak flies wide open, revealing the empty void beneath. A wicked grin flashes across his face, the kind of grin a child has when he recieves a new toy.
Battu raises a brow as there is a brief glimmer of shimmering steel in the ebon depths. He can barely throw himself to one side, narrowly avoiding plummeting off of the wall, as a gigantic hoop of green-tinted steel flies out from Black Mage's cloak like an angry bolt, its razor edges taking off scraps from the advisor's robe.
Battu: Clever...he gave you infinite space beneath your cloak and a throwing disk.
Black Mage: It was just like Christmas.
Battu: Have you any other tricks for me to dodge?
Black Mage: ...no.
His grin goes even wider as the hoop returns, screaming past Battu and taking a bloody bite out of the slender man's shoulder as it disappears into the man's cloak once more. He chuckles as the advisor falls to his knees, clutching his bleeding wound.
Black Mage: I would have told you it could return...but you didn't dodge that, did you?
Battu: No...I didn't.
With a snap of his wrist, the advisor sends his blade whistling at the shadowy man. With a laugh and a deft whip of his cloak, the silvery blade disappears into the void beneath.
Black Mage: Fool! Weren't you paying attention?
His question is answered quite well by Battu's second blade, which whizzes past his face and leaves a thin, almost invisible cut beneath his face. It might not even be noticed if it weren't for the stream of blood weeping from it...
Battu: Yes. I was.
Black Mage: Tricks aren't precisely befitting of an honored advisor...
Battu: I disagree. Defending the realm is perfectly within my duties.
The advisor snaps both hands out, producing a fan of tiny blades grasped in his thin fingers. He narrows his eyes at his treacherous foe as the former advisor takes a step backwards, cloak held out defensively.
Battu: Ah ah...your head is empty, true, but I guarantee you it will hurt quite a bit more when my knives bite into it than into your cloak.
Black Mage: Forgive me if I don't stick around to see if your aim is as bad as your insult. Lord Snoota will be quite interested in what I have learned in my time here...
Like a black ghost, the man springs off of the wall and plummets below, his cloak flapping in the wind like great wings. As soon as he is out of sight, the advisor's hand locks up, his blades falling to the ground as the pain in his arm sears.
The pain in his body is nothing compared to that of his soul, however. To let a roach into the castle is a great dishonor, and he has just let the largest roach of all in...
...but this will be the first time he will regain honor by not allowing that roach to leave.
Battu: GUARDS!
heheh, another great installment! I should get back to work on my parody. Need to get inspired again!
It's the one with "Bad Motherfucker" written on it.
quote:
Iron Parcelan had this to say about Captain Planet:
Battu: Clever...he gave you infinite space beneath your cloak and a throwing disk.Black Mage: It was just like Christmas.
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
They were still following him.
Thirty of D's best guards. Each armed with a bow and arrow, each with an urge to kill the false advisor as strong as their captain's. And most likely, the mountain of a man himself would be quick on their heels.
There was a very good chance at least one of them would hit his head. And while his now-absent body could withstand a cannonball, his head was as fragile as it had ever been.
Perhaps he should have thought it out more before revealing his true nature to Battu. He could have talked himself out of it...bought a little more time...snuck out of the castle under the cover of darkness, his element. And yet, cutting that fool's arm open had felt so good...
Still, he was running out of options and distance as the guards began to close in on him. He growled and pumped up his speed; he wouldn't be able to keep it for long, but fortunately, help suddenly appeared but a few feet away.
Help in the form of a tiny, masked woman in a black robe and her hulking samurai bodyguard.
Lady Nicole: What is going on here? Why are you not at the castle?
Black Mage: There was a change of plans...
Lady Nicole: Lord Snoota authorized no change of plans, and neither did I.
Black Mage: The people who just killed your two demon-men and now want to kill me were quite insistant about it.
Lady Nicole: Fool! And you led them here?
Black Mage: You did just appear in my path. I have learned much in my time at RPCrest, if you let me die here, then all the information will be lost and our lord will be quite angry. Then, you will wish you had joined me...
She sighs and shakes her head. Two minions dead, and that amalgamation of imbeciles disappeared. Coupled with Lord Snoota's recent announcement of his arrival in RPCrest, this was quickly becoming a very bad day for the woman.
Lady Nicole: Go...I will buy you some time to escape. Do not linger. I will be leaving, and I will point the way you fled.
Black Mage: You're too kind.
With a quick, mocking bow, the former advisor glides across the grass and over a hill, the woman watching as he flees. She turns back as the sound of thirty feet coming to a sudden stop reaches her ears. A brow raises behind her mask as the soldiers aim their bows menacingly at her.
Guard Kegwen: Hold, woman! Though your mask offends my homosexually-enhanced fashion sense, we have no quarrel with you.
Guard Ferret: Delay our process of that felon, however, and you will earn yourself the emnity of RPCrest.
She glances at them in intrigue and amusement for a moment before glancing to her hulking bodyguard.
Lady Nicole: Mortinawa...do buy our friend some time.
With that, she quickly darts behind the great wall of metal and flesh, more than confident in his ability to shrug off an arrow. She smiles wickedly behind her mask; she is far more confident in his ability to dispose of interlopers.
With the sound of metal groaning, the great Oni's helmet slides off of his shoulders, and his breastplate off of his waist and lands on the ground, its crash mixed with the nauseous, gagging sounds of the guards as they look upon his true form...
Oh well, all in the name of a great story!
