And yet, six of them lay there in a pile of twisted black limbs and claws, their limbs outstretched in the air like dead bugs, their already vile stench growing worse with every breath.
She walks amongst them, hands folded neatly behind her back, masked face hung low in frustration as she absently prods one of them with her foot.
Lady Nicole: It disappoints me, Mortinawa. Where humans failed me, so have your kind. It seems there is no way to assure that our goals are accomplished unless I do it myself.
The armor-clad Oni does not reply. She doesn't expect him to. He simply stands behind her, green eyes staring at her unblinking. She casts a glance over her shoulder at him, but only to make sure he understands her anger.
The creature never speaks, never makes a move that is not absolutely necessary. There are times when she ponders if he's really alive...
He stares at her for only a moment longer before looking back down the road to the sound of footsteps and hoofbeats. She follows his gaze and emits a sigh so great it threatens to blow the mask off of her face.
As she spies the familiar troop of fools, one mounted on horseback while the others follow on foot, it is clear that today is not her lucky day.
Bajah: One horse I could understand. Two horses would be a stretch, but not impossible. However, how did you three each manage to lose your horses?!
Skaw: Don't blame me! I got horsejacked! I went into that little pagoda for a slurpee and when I came out, it was gone!
OtakuPenguin: Truth be told, I thought you gave us Transformers. When my horse didn't turn into a robot, I tried to force it to.
Bajah: Why would you think that?!!
OtakuPenguin: I specifically requested Transformers!
Bajah: ...and how about you, nem-x?
nem-x: Mine was a ninja in disguise!
They stop momentarily, only a little shaken by the sight of the dead bodies. The vision of the petite, masked woman and her hulking guardian cause their robes to grow a little darker.
Lady Nicole: Well met, Bajah. I trust you are well-relaxed. After all, we left after you and managed to get ahead...and you on horseback. What else could you have been doing but relaxing?
Bajah: Apologies, Lady Nicole! My retinue experienced some trouble in the last village we stopped at.
OtakuPenguin: Yeah, nem-x was caning the village elder on the rear while screaming "CAUCUS TIME!"
Lady Nicole: Unfortunately, your excuses will not please Lord Snoota. He has sent word that he is growing...impatient. He threatens to attend these matters personally if I cannot deliver. Our Lord tends to become...unpleasant if he has to handle matters personally.
Skaw: She used two '...'. This is serious.
Lady Nicole: Indeed it is. That is why I am giving you four special orders.
Bajah: Of course, Lady! What do you command?
Lady Nicole: We happened upon two bandits today. After a little persuasion, they agreed to help us in our plight, as well as letting my powers improve them a little. You are to catch up with them before they lay seige to RPCrest.
Bajah: Of course, we shall go right away!
Lady Nicole: No...not right away.
Confusion turns to fear as the Lady's eyes begin to glow a sinister green behind her mask. She outstretches her hand and points a disturbingly long nail towards the retinue.
A thin ray blasts out and engulfs the four men and horse in a glow of putrid green. They scream as their bodies twist and writhe in agony, steam emanating from every orifice.
nem-x: Ahhh! My orifices!
Lady Nicole: Since you cannot succeed apart, we shall see if you can succeed together...
When the steam clears and the green dissipates, no longer do man and horse stand together...but one creature looms.
Its lower body is the hoofed quarters of an equine with a filthy tail swishing behind it. Its upper body is four. The three guards, their bodies withered and twisted with dark magic, surround the muscular and knotted form of Bajah, like vile spikes on a crown. Their toothy maws slaver, their eyes glow yellow with fury, their green skin oozes a vile slime.
Bajah: ...what...what did you do to us?
Lady Nicole: A mere improvement. If you dislike it, simply destroy the female ninja and I will return you to your normal state.
Skaw: Oh, cool! We're like...hell, there's NOTHING like us!
OtakuPenguin: We are...INCOMPETENCE INCARNATE!
nem-x: YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED!
Bajah: You...you DEMON! How could you do this?
Lady Nicole: With a little bit of magic and a total disregard for human life?
Her mask shows her emotionless, but only the blind and deaf couldn't see the dark joy she takes in their suffering. She makes a fleeting gesture down the road.
Lady Nicole: Now then...off with you. Destroy the ninja and regain your humanity. If you cannot destroy her, she will destroy you, so you gain freedom either way.
They howl angrily, but there is no use in it. Growling and snarling, the twisted creature stomps down the road, leaving heavy hoofprints behind it.
Lady Nicole: Oh...and Bajah...you do have the feet of a horse, so...do try to move a little quicker this time.
quote:The second quote made me burst out laughing.
Nobody really understood why Iron Parcelan wrote:
nem-x: Mine was a ninja in disguise!OtakuPenguin: Yeah, nem-x was caning the village elder on the rear while screaming "CAUCUS TIME!"
Comedy stockmarket. [ 04-04-2003: Message edited by: Black Mage ]
hehehehI love this story 
quote:
Iron Parcelan stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
nem-x: Ahhh! My orifices!
Heh
The further they move from the cursed Parceshido province, the better life seems to gets. The grass is greener, the air is cleaner. Their wounds from the previous day's trauma seem to heal faster.
Yet the hills only seem to taller and the slopes more slippery as the road disappears and gives way to untouched natural greenery.
The graceful female scampers up them without a problem. The brutish boy manages to gradually climb his way up. The old merchant, however, finds himself having a considerable amount of difficulty.
Arttemushu: Why *pant* can't we *wheeze* take the road?
RosaMaru: The reasons are vast and many, and most of them have to do with the fact that we would be easily tracked and killed by our foes if we took it. The clansmen of Snoota dislike natural beauty...our path will slow them down indefinitely.
Lenlalru: That's a fancy way of saying nobody comes here anymore so there are no roads.
RosaMaru: The fresh air does nothing for your impudence, I see. Fortunately, we draw nearer to RPCrest. Soon, all our tempers will be alleviated and our bodies healed.
Arttemushu: This is *cough* assuming *pant* that our bodies *huff* make it.
Lenlalru: He brings an interesting point. If there are no roads and hills obscure our vision, how can we tell when we are nearing RPCrest?
RosaMaru: You do not near RPCrest. You discover it. It is not there for anyone to gradually trek to. You must actively seek it out.
Arttemushu: Of course *puff* but how far *pant* are we?
The entire train of the three stops as their leader comes to a halt at the crest of the hill, looking up with an attentive gaze.
Lenlalru: What is it? Why are we stopping?
He recieves no answer beyond the brief bow she offers to the top of the hill. He looks confusedly at her for a moment, and then to his other friend, who is also bowed with head low. Scratching his head, he looks to the object of their respect and gasps.
The man stands tall, his once powerful body weathered with age, though still standing strong. His beefy arm rests upon a katana at his side and he stares down at the three with a craggy face, a mountainside after a hurricane.
He returns their gestures with a slight incline of his head.
Arttemushu: We...are here.
RosaMaru: D, Captain of Zaza-san's Guard, it is good to see you.
D: Welcome home, RosaMaru. Welcome...to RPCrest.
It's not something people hear about.
Tomorrow, I am updating.
Here, in the gardens of his castle, the waters of the koi ponds are clear and blue. The lotus flowers are bright and healthy and the grass is greener than one could ever see outside.
And yet...despite it all, the wood is creaking and rotting. The great stone statues are in a steady, slow crumble. The grass grows too long and the trees go untended.
All things show age. And despite the political bliss of RPCrest, it cannot hide the neglect.
Such thoughts, though she would like to ignore them, easily come to her mind as her old friend leads her through the green fields, towards a bridge in the distance.
RosaMaru: It has been some time, D.
D: That should be evident by the decay of this place, RosaMaru. Lord Zaza-san rarely has it in him to see that his land is cared for. It is almost as though he seems content to merely let our great kingdom retreat back into the nature from which it was wrought.
RosaMaru: What of his Lady and the advisor?
D: Lady Addyame cedes to his decisions. Thus far, the advisors have been in conflict with one another.
RosaMaru: ...advisors?
D: Indeed. Lord Zaza-san saw that Advisor Battu was experiencing difficulty in his duties. A young scholar was hired just months ago to aid him.
He comes to a sudden halt and gestures with his craggy chin to a small, wooden bridge over a koi pond. There stands a once-tall man, bent low like a tree after a gale. His long moustaches droop almost to the surface of the water, where the koi he watches swim playfully.
D: Lately, he seems content to simply sit and watch the koi.
She opens her mouth and begins to speak.
D: Save it. I know you're thinking the koi must have some apathetic effect on him. I thought it too, so I killed them all...he cried a lot, but there was no change...we did have some nice sushi, though.
RosaMaru: I see...I must deliver my report. Excuse me.
D: I hope you will be staying this time, RosaMaru. RPCrest is entering a period of hardships...everyone will be needed.
RosaMaru: Whether I shall stay or not shall depend on the Lord's decision.
With that, she turns on her heel and trots lightly to the bridge, towards her ailing lord. He stands and watches her for a moment, barely aware of the dark shadow that has arisen behind him. Though he knows it is there, he would rather not acknowledge it. Yet, when it speaks in its whispery, hissing tone...he has no choice.
Black Mage: So...that is the great RosaMaru...
D: You would do well to stay away from her, advisor. Her words are for the Lord's ears only.
Black Mage: The Lord's ears are RPCrest's ears, Captain. And I am a large part of RPCrest. You would do well to remember that.
He turns to regard the advisor: a slim, slithering man wrapped in a black robe and hood that obscures his face. The captain rests his hand on his katana and narrows his eyes at the shady fellow.
D: And you would do well to remember two things: for one, I am older, wiser and a far larger part of RPCrest than you shall ever be...
Black Mage: Perhaps if I consume as much as you, I shall be so large a part as well...
His hissing chuckle has no effect on the captain as he walks past the advisor, back towards the palace proper. The small man turns to look as he goes.
Black Mage: And what was the other thing to remember?
D: That I have a sword bigger than you, and I have no compunctions about turning it on threats to the kingdom...
The young advisor falls silent, as does the entire garden, as the only sounds heard are the heavy footsteps of a walking mountain leaving the garden.
Bravo, Parce. Bravo.
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
D: Save it. I know you're thinking the koi must have some apathetic effect on him. I thought it too, so I killed them all...he cried a lot, but there was no change...we did have some nice sushi, though.
Bwahahaha.
I need more tissues.
[ 04-08-2003: Message edited by: Mr. Crabs ]
quote:
ACES! Another post by Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael:
the night is still young.Have you been watching La Blue Girl or something, Parce?
LMAO
Just kidding, Addy! Cookie-muffin forever!
Zaza-san: Kagramada, you say?
She rises from her kneel and nods her head.
RosaMaru: Yes. How he survived, I have no idea.
Zaza-san: Before I fought him atop the mountain, he was seen burned alive in a warehouse. And before that, a hundred villagers saw a great boulder fall upon him.
RosaMaru: He fought well for a dead man...
Zaza-san: Death and Kagramada are old friends, kunoichi; he never joins the realm of the dead, he merely pays it a visit now and again.
RosaMaru: Regardless, this confirms Lady Addyame's fear...the reaches of Clan Snoota are extending further and wider than ever before.
Zaza-san: Yes...his ambition has grown since the fall of the Warlord Bloodsage. There is no longer anything to keep him in check...and he seizes the advantage.
RosaMaru: We have proof, now. Kagramada is alive and the merchant Bajah is living evidence that Clan Snoota is aiding felons to further his goals. If we were to go to the Emporer-
Zaza-san: He would turn us away and go back to his women. The Emperor cares not for our troubles...not anymore.
RosaMaru: Then we can turn to the people of the mountains for help, we can-
Zaza-san: The people care not, either. They are misfits and outcasts...they will watch Snoota rise and laugh at our fall for banishing them long ago.
RosaMaru: Then what is there to do, my lord?
Zaza-san: I have found watching koi to be very relaxing in these dark times...
RosaMaru: ...I beg your pardon, my lord, but watching fish fuck will not save our kingdom.
Zaza-san: Our kingdom is not threatened. RPCrest has stood for thousands of years, and will do so for thousands more.
The sound of gentle footsteps falling on the grass catches her ear. She turns and immediately falls into another kneel as a woman approaches: a porcelain doll wrapped in a silk kimono. Her face, once brighter than the sun with laughter, is now dour and quiet.
RosaMaru: Lady Addyame...
Addyame: You are correct, Zaza-san...but only because ruins can stand.
His eyes remain fixated on the koi, ashamed to look at the wife who once applauded as his sword tore through the defilers of his nation. The koi are not so judgmental...
Addyame: You would stare at your fish for days as our city crumbles from age. Will you still stare even as Snoota's blade hovers above your neck?
Zaza-san: Snoota's blade will not come this far. We were allies in the past.
Addyame: And the warrior Delphi once did not molest meat...times change, and change quickly, Zaza.
He has no reply...her words sting. They sting so much that he cannot speak...only drop more tiny petals on the pond and watch the koi nibble at them curiously.
She stares for just a moment, and winces. It hurts her to see a man fallen so far. She then turns to the kneeling ninja and bids her rise with a gentle wave of her hand.
Addyame: RosaMaru...our Lord may be content to see all that we have accomplished crumble before his eyes...I am not. You will ride to the kingdom of Emporer Dryshu and warn him of what has happened here.
RosaMaru: ...my Lord?
Zaza-san: ...go if you will, but there is no need. And Dryshu will have you imprisoned for wasting his time. Lord Snoota knows not to come here with blades drawn.
D: You speak out of interests of peace, my Lord, but too soon...
All three heads turn to see the haggard warrior approach, face as stern as ever and hand on katana warily.
D: Demons roam your lands, my lord. Two vicious bandits and an abomination of flesh has come. Our guards barely escaped with their lives, and only because the abomination slowed them down when he started pointing at a pig and screaming "NON-KOSHER NINJA!"
RosaMaru: Bajah! He has followed me here!
D: And he has come with anger intent. One village has already fallen to him, my Lord.
Zaza-san: ...this is disturbing. Snoota has violated our agreement.
D: With due respect, my Lord, should we remain bent over like this, he will violate much more.
Zaza-san: There is no need to shed the guards' blood over this. Can you handle it, old friend?
D: Give me the word to draw my blade, my Lord.
He looks up, and for a brief moment, his weathered eyes glimmer with resolve. For one instant, the Lord Zaza-san, Slayer of the Warrior-Monk Kagramada, Ruler of RPCrest, is reborn.
Zaza-san: ...do it.
It's not something people hear about.
stealth bump
Good.
Now... More ninja theatre. [ 04-11-2003: Message edited by: Nicholas Wolfwood ]
He remains calm, however. Battu has not gone from simple villager to honored advisor by losing his temper.
Even as the guests of RosaMaru watch him with awe. Even as his fellow advisor looks at him expectantly. Even as the two twisted men below scream, he does not so much as flinch.
Azureusu: Come, advisor! Give us the ninja woman and your precious land will be spared! She is all we want-
Blin Di: We have a score to settle!
Azuruesu: ...Blin Di.
Blin Di: Yes?
Azuruesu: Would you like it if I stole your lines?
Blin Di: ...no, sir.
Azureusu: Would you like it if I went prancing around, overcompensating for what's in my pants?
Blin Di: ...no, sir.
Azureusu: Good. Just sit there and look pretty.
Back on the wall, the frail-looking advisor folds his arms over his chest and continues to observe the situation with cool reserve, though his companions can say nothing of the same.
Arttemushu: They speak disrespectfully...
Lenlalru: I have not heard so many insults and curses to one's mother since I was born!
Battu: Words are far from catapult boulders and battering rams. Words from such puny men, even further.
Black Mage: And yet...we have seen them do much more than simply shout obscenities, Battu. Should we not launch our forces on them?
Battu: No. We are interested, firstly, in conserving the lives of our own. Our troops would be slaughtered.
Black Mage: And if they are such "puny men", why is it we do not take them ourselves? What good does standing up here do?
Battu: The art of distraction is something you are unaccustomed to, I see.
He speaks truly. For down on the ground, the two men are so absorbed in cursing and howling, they barely notice the doors to the gate part ever so slightly to release the great weathered mountain of a man. They do not even notice him until he makes his presence known with a tremendous clearing of his throat.
And then...he cannot be ignored.
Azureusu: Ah, I see the Coward Zaza-san has sent an emissary to appease us.
D: ...RPCrest does not appease cutthroats.
Azureusu: No? I see they satiate their hunger, though...for I am craving flesh and battle. It is a shame I will only be satisfied with one.
D: ...you most certainly will.
Blin Di: Is it RosaMaru? Is it? Curse my blind shtick!
Azureusu: Well, then take off your blindfold, my friend. Show our newcomer the gifts we recieved from Clan Snoota!
His tiny mouth twists into an impossibly huge, toothy grin as he grasps his blindfold with one clawed hand and jerks it off. To many, the singular bloodshot eye that stared at them as the blind fell to the ground would shake, even terrify them.
The captain of the guard has seen much worse, however.
D: Clan Snoota gave you one eye...I suppose poor depth perception is better than none.
Azureusu: Oh, my friend, he has given us much more than that! But pardon my tone...I have something stuck in my throat...
The larger, lion-like bandit clutches his throat with a meaty hand and makes a sound like a cat being sat on by a sumo. His wide-open maw expands even farther, and glows with a hellish orange.
Then, with a terrifying roar, a stream of fiery death flies from his throat on flaming wings and hurls itself at the man. He howls with delight as the following explosion shakes the entire wall, leaving a tremendous cloud of dust where once a proud man stood.
Azureusu: Behold! Clan Snoota reigns supreme!
Blin Di: ...where is the blood? I expected chunks of his body to be flying through the air!
Terrifying as demons are, they are still able to be frightened. This is made terribly clear to the former humans as the great warrior of RPCrest walks out of the rubble that was the gates, brushing off his robe.
D: For body chunks to fly, you must first hit a body.
With a deft movement, he draws his katana and holds it before him, eyes narrowed menacingly. His duty is difficult and messy...so why does he love to do it?
D: I am not a rich man, by any means. If I am fortunate, I am able to purchase a new robe every five months. It is the first month, and you have just dirtied mine. I am not happy.
The cycloptic demon screams and narrows his eye. Red, bloodshot veins turn electric blue as azure energy crackles in his pupil and is discharged with a mighty bolt, screaming as it streaks towards its target.
The scream grows even louder as the man steps gracefully to the side, letting the bolt fly harmlessly past.
D: Now, now. I can wash dust out. You are insane if you think I'm going to try and clean electric scorch marks off.
His quip is met with a simultaneous growl as the two demons narrow an eye and open a mouth, respectively...
It's not something people hear about.
