quote:
nem-x stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
One legged soldiers.
lol 
Be proud of yourself, Parcelan. This is a wonderful work of art. 
Centipedes, spiders, scorpions, flies, wasps, hornets and cockroaches. There were so many cockroaches.
Millions of legs scrambled over thousands of chitinous carapaces, millions of antennae and all manner of feelers rubbed together nervously, millions of wings twitched in anticipation.
And all of them crawled over each other in such a way as to create a vaguely humanoid torso and arms resting upon the samurai's remaining legs and hips. Millions of compound eyes stared out at sixty wide eyes of the horrified guardsmen.
Guard Ferret: Good...what in the...
Guard Kegwen: Oni! Clan Snoota cavorts with demons!
She chuckles behind her pet, black eyes glimmering wickedly behind her mask.
Lady Nicole: Clan Snoota would rather cavort with demons than dance with death...show them, Mortinawa!
At once, there was the sound of a million wings beating and a million legs scurrying as the humanoid mass of insects dissipated. Locusts filled the air like a cloud of living death, and arachnids crawled along the ground like a hungry carpet.
The sound of locust wings filled the air so much, it completely drowned out the screams of the guardsmen as they latched on with their miniature claws and bit at their faces, while the arachnids scrambled up their legs and stung and chewed at their skin.
Blood mixed with vomit dripped upon the ground, as tiny little jaws clamped and broke skin over and over, and guard upon guard wretched and spewed at the feeling of millions of legs crawling over them.
Bows were dropped, bodies fell, faces chewed away by the hungry fliers, and there had never been so large a cloud of dust as there was when those remaining guardsmen turned and fled from the many-legged fury.
The bloody feeding continued for minutes that seemed like hours, as the many vermin fed of skin and drank of blood, slowly making their way back to the free-standing armored legs. Slowly, the locusts buzzed back and the arachnids crawled up the legs, forming once more the vaguely humanoid figure. Forming Mortinawa.
Lifted by unseen forces, the breastplate fastened over the mass of vermin, the sleeves slipped back on, and the helmet took its place on top, its wicked green eyes glowing as it slid back into place.
And though her mask hid it, she looked on the carnage, the half-skeletonized corpses, the few vermin that had been crushed underfoot in the retreat, with a certain kind of...lust.
Lady Nicole: My, my, my...I suppose it was a wise decision that I didn't let you have those two bandits. You wouldn't have been nearly hungry enough to eat all of this if you had filled up on them...
He doesn't reply beyond a slight incline of his helmeted head. And yet, his eyes seem to glow a little brighter...and a little more fiendishly.
Lady Nicole: Hm...well, these things will start to stink in a little while. And if we're going to be surrounded by foul-smelling things, they might as well be our leaders. Come, we're off to report to Snoota.
RosaMaru: There is no escape, Oni.
The tiny woman whirls around, her black eyes narrowed to slits in fury as she looks upon the sight that has given her so much grief. There stands the kunoichi, the boy, and the merchant, all with weapons drawn...all with vengeance in their eyes.
Her fury turns to morbid amusement as her lips turn into a smile behind her mask.
Lady Nicole: Well, well...at last I have found you, RosaMaru. Thank you for coming; it would have been quite an ordeal to hunt you down in your own homeland. But now, at least I can dispose of you quickly.
RosaMaru: You had better do it quite quickly, dog of Snoota. You don't have much time.
Lady Nicole: Eh? What are you getting at?
Arttemushu: We have seen your demon's attack, and though RPCrest is not as strong as it once was, there are still more than enough priests to send him back to where he belongs.
RosaMaru: Without your oni to protect you, I suppose we'll find out how well that porcelain mask defends against steel...
Lady Nicole: You...vile...
Lenlalru: Better run to a computer to update your LiveJournal! Your mood is about to change swiftly!
A clawed hand raises into the air, twitching and shaking with fury, and glowing with a hellish green. Her faces tightens behind her mask, her eyes go wide with maddened anger.
Lady Nicole: I...will...KILL YOU!
Suddenly, with a snap of her wrist, the kunoichi sends a whirling shuriken flying at the woman. A shriek of horror assaults the air as the tiny weapon clatters to the dusty ground, impaled upon it...a porcelain mask with black, teary eyes.
That same clawed hand flies to cover her face, and a single, dark eye full of rage peeks between the claw-like fingers at the kunoichi. She snarls, and turns to flee, her kimono wafting behind her like a living shadow.
Lady Nicole: MORTINAWA! Kill them slowly and bring me her skull, so that I may make a new mask from it!
The trio moves forward, weapons held high and thirsty for witch's blood. A gigantic wall of armor moves to stand between them, however, staring at the three with glowing, hungry eyes.
They falter for a moment...
RosaMaru: Caution, friends. We had best formulate a plan...
Lenlalru: But the witch! She's escaping!
RosaMaru: We cannot chase her if we're eaten by locusts!
Arttemushu: ...I am an old man. My time will come sooner than yours. I will fight the oni, you pursue the witch.
Lenlalru: That's madness, Arttemushu!
RosaMaru: No, merchant. I cannot ask you-
His rebuttal is a warcry, a clear, resonant yell, as he raises his blade above his head and charges toward the oni like a young man on his first hunt. His own eyes, glimmering with renewed youth, meet the unmoving green eyes of his foe.
Arttemushu: ONI! You are MINE!
quote:
Check out the big brain on Iron Parcelan!
Lenlalru: Better run to a computer to update your LiveJournal! Your mood is about to change swiftly!
Ooh...Final Fantasy caliber tauntage!
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
quote:
The logic train ran off the tracks when Ferret said:
Guardsmen: It's what's for dinner!
yum yum!
Hideous one-eyed demon sorceresses need love too 
The Oni must fall.
And yet, the demon merely stared with narrow green eyes. It made absolutely no move to defend itself as the mighty ox of a man rushed forward like a tidal wave.
For a brief moment, the old merchant's eyes flared with the vigor of youth and fury that he had when he defended his village against bandits and wild animals. For a brief moment, his muscles tensed and quivered as the renewed burst of energy sparked them to life after years of unuse.
For a brief moment, as he sprang into the air, like a bird with steel talons, he was Arttemushu, the young warrior.
And then, like a candle in a gale, that moment was snuffed out as the demon's heavy iron arm flashed out in an impossible burst of speed. Arttemushu didn't even have time to gasp as five, claw-like fingers wrapped around the back of his skull and slammed him into the ground, driving his face over half a foot into the dirt.
The remaining two could only look on with astonished horror. Even the hardened kunoichi could not bear to watch, and yet, she could not turn away as the great demon lifted her friend from the dirt and threw him onto his back.
With a terrifying creak of metal, the Oni lifted its tremendous foot and held it above the old man. Arttemushu looked up, his vision clear for just long enough to see the foot and his life just long enough to emit one final scream as the iron foot came crashing down like a guillotine onto his ribs.
It came with such force as to drive the merchant's body a foot into the dirt, and caused a sudden cracking sound that seemed to linger in the air far after the foot's descent came to a stop. And in the brief instant that Arttemushu remained alive, his fiery eyes bulged...and then were closed.
Arttemushu the young warrior...Arttemushu the old merchant...Arttemushu the friend...was no more.
A lump went down the kunoichi's throat as she choked back the pain. She had known him for not too long, and yet...she couldn't let her other friend see her cry.
Lenlalru, however, had no such compunctions. Tears flowed from his eyes like liquid fire, and seemed to sizzle as they rolled off of his cheek and hit the ground. And while RosaMaru fought back her emotions, Lenlalru let his come out as he took up his thick bo staff and screamed louder and stronger than anything that had come out of Arttemushu.
Lenlalru: I'LL KILL YOU!
As great an addition as any.
quote:
Black Mage had this to say about pies:
Not at all funny, but I think this story is well beyond needing such humour to carry it along.As great an addition as any.
Indeed.
With the humor, it is a hilarious tale of incompetence and bad assitude.
Without it, it is an incredibly story in-of itself.
Bravo, Parce. Do continue.
It's not something people hear about.
I'm a goner too.
The kunoichi watches. She knows there is a good chance he will be slain. A farmer boy against an Oni that defeated the best guardsmen in the land; a victory for Lenlalru would be the stuff of a tale told by grandmothers to their grandchildren. And yet...
She knows she cannot stop him. Even if he were not beyond all reason, her frail form would not be able to even slow his rampage. Where Arttemushu was a mighty ox, Lenlalru is stronger, faster and younger, a tidal wave heading for a dam of steel and demonflesh.
All she can do as she watches him raise his staff and roar once again is pray that should he die, his death be quick as her former companions'.
Lenlalru: FOR ARTTEMUSHU!
There was the mighty crack of wood against steel, and when the sound had subsided, it proved that the dam had been mightier than the wave. The great demon had raised an iron arm and blocked the blow, leaving the boy's staff near broken in his trembling hands.
She sends up another prayer.
The Oni's arm makes a great groaning sound as he lowers it, and though his glowing green eyes show no worry or care, it is clear that his arm feels a little heavier than it had been when it dug Arttemushu's grave.
Its weight is made abundantly clear as it creaks a little louder...and falls off, hitting the ground with a crash. For once, the demon's eyes go a little wider; no longer do they show a cold lust for death, but actual surprise. That same surprised look is met with his opponent's own ferocious stare as he looks up at the boy.
Lenlalru: If a demon can lose an arm like a man...then a demon can die...but not like a man.
Before Mortinawa can even contemplate his foe's words, his vision is obscured by brown wood as the boy's staff cracks against his helmet. His vision goes blurry and fades to black...and when it passes, he sees the broken remnants of the boy's staff on the ground. His gaze lingers on it for but a moment before he looks up...at his own body.
And though seperated they may be, his demonic mind still registers the pain as the boy pounds on his breastplate with bare fists. Roars mix with the sound of iron giving way as huge fists pound great dents into his armor; with his head gone, so too goes his power over his armor, and his body is little more than porcelain.
Though as his vision begins to fade once more, he takes solace. A porcelain doll, he may be, but he is still a porcelain doll full of poisonous vermin. As his spirit leaves his decapitated skull and returns to the demon world, he silently curses himself for not being able to see the look on Lenlalru's face as his armor falls to pieces and leaves the carpet of insects and arachnids at his foe's feet.
Had he remained in the mortal world there a little longer, he would curse himself a thousand times more. For as his demonspawned brood scatters around the feet of his foe, the mask of rage on Lenlalron's face only intensifies.
He stomps towards the writing mass of vermin, stepping on hundreds at a time, not even acknowleding their biting mandibles and venomous stings as they attempt to break his leathery skin. No, there is no pain in those attacks for him; Mortinawa's greatest pain has already been done.
And now, he shall recieve it in turn.
With a roar, the boy thrusts his hands into the teeming vermin, his fingers searching. For what? Even though demons are far from men, they share one thing in common: heart. But as Arttemushu's had beat proudly in his last moments of life, Mortinawa's writhes and wriggles as Lenlalru grasps the massive centipede that serves as his last life and tears it asunder, holding its squealing, wiggling body in his hands.
Lenlalru: Demons can die...but not like men. Demons die like bugs!
He screams again and dashes the centipede against the ground. He watches it writhe and shriek in pain for only a moment; he takes no pleasure in it, and ends it.
History will remember that fateful sunset. It will be told by grandmothers to their grandchildren every night. They will tell the tale of a boy, who became a man, who became a tidal wave in an instant. They will tell how his mighty arms, pocked with bites and stings, tore the heart of a demon out.
They will tell how, on that sunset, in the kingdom of RPCrest, there was a terrible squishing sound as the tidal wave brought its fury upon the demon's heart. And they will tell how that vile sound was nothing compared to the terrifying, furious scream as Lenlalru the Wave knelt beside his fallen companion and told him that vengeance had been served.
Stay tuned for the Final Installment!
That's the final installment of Episode One. Don't get confused. [ 04-29-2003: Message edited by: Black Mage ]
I want the final installment.
The people require more Mr. Parcelan!
It's not something people hear about.
It has been a long day for her. The deaths of two incompetent fools, and with it, the waste of good magic. The disappearance of the twisted merchant and his guards. The former advisor could be anywhere by now. And the death of her dear pet...
A sneer comes over her face; the corpses of the two demon-bandits and her dear pet have already been removed and taken to a shrine for purification. Two guards who are lighting torches near the collapsed gates of the kingdom laugh and joke about the day. The wounded have been carried off and tended to, the dead have been buried.
By the end of the month, nobody will even remember the events of that day. Nobody will talk of the masked witch who nearly destroyed RPCrest with her demonkin. She will be forgotten...
Lady Nicole: NO! They won't forget me...I'll make them pay. I'll...I'll go back to Lord Snoota...I'll get more demons! More than any of them have ever had in their nightmares! And with them, I'll-
Mysterious voice: Talking to yourself again, witch?
She whirls around, half-expecting to see the cursed kunoichi and her wretched companion to send her to join Mortinawa. She breathes a sigh of relief so great her body nearly collapses. The sight of a friendly face is good, even if she must view it without her mask.
Lem the Shadow stands tall and completely erect, his black and purple sashes flowing in the night breeze, his blonde hair following suit. He raises an eyebrow at her and fixes a single, purple eye upon her as he folds his arms across his skinny chest in disdain.
Lady Nicole: Lem...the Shadow. How good of you to come see me.
Lem the Shadow: Don't delude yourself into thinking I wished to see you, witch. We're here on official business.
Lady Nicole: ...we?
Shrill voice: Indeed.
As she jerks her gaze to the right, the sight of her next companion comes not so pleasant as the sight of the slender Shadow.
He stands so short it would be easier to think him a rodent than a man. Hunched over and leaning on his gnarled cane, her casts a leering grin at her from under his straw hat. Absently, he scratches an itch beneath his robes with a chubby hand.
Lurking in the shadows behind him is a sight that causes her even more dread. The form of the Voragon: the wide-eyed hound, completely hairless save for a tiny tuft of hair on its chin, pads up beside its master and takes a seat, fixing its wide, glassy-eyed stare on the witch as the small man giggles.
Delidgamon: Why, you don't seem too happy to see me at all? Am I not as beautiful as the Shadow?
Lem the Shadow: Please, don't taunt the poor woman, Delidgamon. She will serve enough punishment without you causing her the pain of listening to your jabber...
Lady Nicole: What...what do you mean?
Delidgamon: Oh, surely your magic hasn't warped your brain, Nicole. Don't you know who we came here with?
Lady Nicole: No! He has important business to attend to! He wouldn't-
The next visitor doesn't need to say anything to stop her speech. The sound of his footsteps is enough as he approaches, every step causing the cliffside to shudder under his tremendous weight. She falls on her rear, partly from the shockwaves going through the cliff, but more from the fear coursing through her veins, turning her blood to icewater.
Even through her scarred visage, the look of sheer terror is apparent on her face, as the massive, silver-armored man steps between his two henchman and looks down at her. His bloodshot eyes narrow in anger, a long, purple tongue slides across his sharpened teeth and twin tusks, as though he were looking at a meal instead of a failure.
Lady Nicole: Lord...Lord Snoota!
Snoota: Perceptive! I see you have not forgotten your master even after you have spent so much time failing.
Lady Nicole: No, Snoota, it was-
Snoota: The more excuses you make the more you seal your fate. It is as though you are an ENVELOPE of fate...and your excuses are the tongue...licking the glue of failure...and...and you are about to CUT YOUR TONGUE!
Lem the Shadow: Well said.
Snoota: SILENCE! You have failed the Clan, witch. I suppose part of the blame should be mine for trusting a woman who sleeps with demons...
Lady Nicole: Lord Snoota! The Black Mage has secrets...he is on his way to our Clan's land to deliver them to you right now!
Snoota: We met him on the way. He has secrets, indeed. He will take them to the Emporer to seal RPCrest's fate...after he indulges himself with the rewards given to him.
A grin comes across his tusked face for a moment, then his maw opens wide in a terrible roar, sending a wave of fetid stink over the woman.
Snoota: YOU HAVE NO SUCH CLAIM TO VICTORY!
Lady Nicole: But I-
Delidgamon: Spare our Lord your whining, woman! He ate someone that didn't agree with him earlier, and your excuses only give him further indigestion.
Lem the Shadow: The Clan has given you much leeway, you know. We threw demons and magic at your disposal, and you wasted them.
Lady Nicole: No, that's not-
Snoota: DOES THE REMOVAL OF YOUR MASK MAKE YOU DEAF? No more excuses! You have been sent to kill the kunoichi and you failed. FIVE TIMES!
Lady Nicole: You are here, now, my Lord! RPCrest has been weakened! We can take them now! We can kill the kunoichi!
Snoota: No...not only deaf...but stupid, as well. RPCrest knows our plans...the moment they see us in their land, they go running to the Emporer and we have HIM on our asses.
Lem the Shadow: A negative consequence, I assure you. My ass is not for the likes of another man, not even the Emporer.
Delidgamon: The writing on the walls of the Clan bathroom say differently...
Snoota: SILENCE! The Black Mage tells us that the kunoichi will be on the move soon. She will head to the Emporer to refute the Black Mage...should our ally fail to stop her first, you will do it.
Lem the Shadow: Is it wise to entrust our success with him? He didn't even show up for-
Snoota: If you finish that sentence, your anal virginity will quickly lose its value.
The slender man sighs and makes a quick bow of his head.
Lem the Shadow: As you wish. I will watch the plains for her.
Delidgamon: We shall watch the river.
Snoota: Excellent. Failure is no longer an option, Clansmen. I have had quite enough of that today. Should the kunoichi escape, the Emporer will take our lands and see us executed...do not allow this to happen.
With that, the trio turns and begins to walk away. Though she is afraid, she has to speak up...her tiny voice barely heard above Snoota's thunderous stride.
Lady Nicole: My...my Lord?
Snoota: ...what is it?
Lady Nicole: W-what shall I do?
Snoota: YOU?!
He whirls around and with a speed not befitting a giant of his size, reaches down and seizes her in a silver gauntlet. He grins wickedly and licks his chops.
Snoota: You get to solve our headless corpse shortage!
Before she can even scream, there is the sound of jaws grinding and a spray of thick blood that stains the Lord's maw red. Bellowing in laughter, he drops the corpse to the ground and walks down the path once more, his entourage in tow...save for the Voragon, which sniffs at the bloody corpse expectantly.
Delidgamon: Voragon! Don't eat that, it's dirty!
I love it.
It's not something people hear about.
I see this as such an appropriate situation. *nods*
