So I don't hijack my own

If I am in a relationship and my partner cheats on me, its more then likely 'bye bye', there really is no good reason to cheat (believe me Ive heard several excuses).. If the person feels the need to cheat then they really shouldnt be in a relationship, at least not an exclusive one

There are relationships that are "open" but I dont believe that these kinds of relationships will last very long or will truely mean something.

If you love someone.. truely love someone and admit to it, then really you shouldnt be attracted to anyone else..

But hey thats what I believe and I know there are some people who dont agree with this

Infedelity is a sesitive subject because of the effects on the people involved's lives. People who are victims of infedility sometimes never even regain any feeling of self worth. They blame the infedility on themselves thus negating all prior teaching on the subject. They (most of the time women) sometimes jump to the feeling that if this certain person didn't love them enough to stay faithful to them then they must have done something wrong. This is a falsehood.

Infedility in any case, in my opinion, is wrong. Honesty is the highest form of love. Love is what all relationships should be based on. For future reference, my use of the word 'relationship' will mean love. All relationships must have two major componants. These two are Love and Trust. Without these two the relationship is null and void. A loving relationship should never need the assistance of others to help it grow. The relationship will grow in and of itself if it is meant to.

I myself am a Catholic. I believe in predetermination; which means the belief that our lives are planned out before we are even concieved. That God has a almighty plan for us; something we are meant to follow in life. To sum my belief up, I could say I believe in soulmates. I believe everyone on this earth has someone MEANT for them; someone who was predetermined to be there for them. Love is set up before we are born, whether we choose to see it is the catch.

I have seen many couples dissolve as a result of infedility. I also have seen relationships endure through infedility and in the end even grow stronger thanks to these 'mishaps'. Do the benefits of infedility outweigh the consequences? In my opinion they do not.

Another argument for infedility might be 'I am not getting what I need from soandso.' This I have seen alot. Perhaps it is because the person they are with cannot deliver what the other needs. Perhaps it is because the other asks too much or doesn't ask enough. Both of these, I feel, can be remidied by conversation, by communication. If people would just talk about their problems rather then cheating/breaking up/divorce then perhaps the majority of divorces in this world could be averted.

I am a child of two divorces. Both of these divorces ended because my father, in both cases, cheated on my mother. The first time, my real father cheated on my mom with his future wife. The second time my step-father cheated on my mother with a 19 year old coworker. In both cases my mother called for the divorce as soon as she learned about them. I say this to help those reading perhaps understand why I am against this so much.

I have trolled these boards for a few months now and I have seen the couples and I am quite impressed by the love shown in these forums. You guys sure goof around alot but there also remains love always. This is a lot like that place outside called Real Life. There are squabbles, there are fights, there is namecalling. But from all this one factor remains. That factor is Love.

A great man once said 'All you need is love'. I believe in this line and choose to live my life by it. I believe that one day I will find the person meant for me. I believe that it will happen. When? I don't know. I just have faith that it will.

Thanks for reading and thanks for letting me release my mind for a little bit.

But we all know that those two ideals aren't always present in relationships. Why do you think this is?

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Lyinar Ka`Bael thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
A lot of you have mentioned trust and honesty being very important in relationships, if not *the* most important things.

But we all know that those two ideals aren't always present in relationships. Why do you think this is?

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Because sometimes, people just wanna have sex. /shrug

You may be shagging someone else, but that doesn't mean you don't still love the other person enough that you don't want to hurt them.

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Check out the big brain on Delphi Aegis!
Because sometimes, people just wanna have sex. /shrug

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Let me rephrase. Why do you think people settle for a relationship that has less than those qualities? Fear of being alone? Thinking they can't get better? Biological clock is ticking? Some other reason?

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Lyinar Ka`Bael wrote, obviously thinking too hard:

But we all know that those two ideals aren't always present in relationships. Why do you think this is?

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If those ideals aren't present, there's no relationship for me, period.

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Reynar had this to say about Captain Planet:
If those ideals aren't present, there's no relationship for me, period.

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What do you think drives a person into a relationship without those ideals, though?

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So quoth Lyinar Ka`Bael:
Let me rephrase. Why do you think people settle for a relationship that has less than those qualities? Fear of being alone? Thinking they can't get better? Biological clock is ticking? Some other reason?

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If sex wasn't pleasurable, then there'd really be no point. I'd go so far as to say we're addicted to endorpins (I h8 spelling), and sex provides a lot of those.

But yeah, fear of being alone is one thing, but it usually depends on the person. Some just aren't "wired" to have a long lasting relationship.

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So quoth Delphi Aegis:
If sex wasn't pleasurable, then there'd really be no point. I'd go so far as to say we're addicted to endorpins (I h8 spelling), and sex provides a lot of those.

But yeah, fear of being alone is one thing, but it usually depends on the person. Some just aren't "wired" to have a long lasting relationship.

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What qualities do you think they have that make them not "wired"?

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Lyinar Ka`Bael's fortune cookie read:
What qualities do you think they have that make them not "wired"?

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Maybe a feeling that it won't last, or being burned as a kid by your dad/mom leaving, or something.

I'm not a psycologist, but there are some people who seem... flakey, right?

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Delphi Aegis had this to say about John Romero:
Maybe a feeling that it won't last, or being burned as a kid by your dad/mom leaving, or something.

I'm not a psycologist, but there are some people who seem... flakey, right?

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Do you think it's so much a personality problem or they haven't found someone they could be loyal to?

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Check out the big brain on Lyinar Ka`Bael!
What do you think drives a person into a relationship without those ideals, though?

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I ask myself that whenever I see someone stick around in a poor / abusive relationship. Could be part of their upbringing, as in 'thats all they've known' or something.

I've never gotten a straight answer from anyone on it however.

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From the book of Reynar, chapter 3, verse 16:
I ask myself that whenever I see someone stick around in a poor / abusive relationship. Could be part of their upbringing, as in 'thats all they've known' or something.

I've never gotten a straight answer from anyone on it however.

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Look at the example of my sister, though. I'm not like her. I wouldn't take that crap from a guy. And our household was one of strong women. Our entire family is strong women.

I have to wonder how my sister became so weak.

That's the big thing for me. If it's a no no with them, it's a no no with me (unless something imposes otherwise), and I expect it to work in reverse, too. Don't want to make them uncomfortable, though I still am able to work that way, if it's wanted.

Pretty much anything can be deemed emotional, and again, pretty much anything can have the emotional... ness sucked out of it. It's all up in the air, and dependant on what you're comfortable with.

Me, I'm fine with it being both an expression of love, and a meaningless thing of fun-ness. Either one works for it's intended purpose .

Edit: clarifying.

[ 01-21-2003: Message edited by: Nicole ]

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Lyinar Ka`Bael impressed everyone with:
So you think sex isn't emotionally involved at all?

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Sex is like a box of chocolates. The box may be pretty, but it's what's inside that counts.

You get a box of chocolates for yourself at the store, and say "Yum!"

You get a box of chocolates from your mom for Easter, and you say "Thanks mom!", and "Yum!", and you get a warm fuzzy feeling.

You get a box of chocolates from your beloved, and you will hardly taste the chocolate because you're really enjoying the fact that they thought of you enough to get them for you.

Sex is the same way. Sometimes it's just sex. Sometimes it's sex with someone you have feelings for. And sometimes it's a shared expression of love between two people.

This holds true for more than just sex and chocolate too. Shoulder rubs, cooking someone dinner, even a simple flower; all can be either just what they appear, or something emotionally deeper.

Sex is often viewed as something that's supposed to be emotionally deep, but, to use a quote: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

Cheating. Should never be done. No reason for it. None. You're that tempted, you should re-evaluate the relationship you are in. Sex for fun? Biggest lie and myth of our day. Don't care about the arguments to the contrary. Love and sex go hand in hand. Anything otherwise, is a dellusion. Sex comes with a price...ALWAYS.It complicates things...ALWAYS.

[ 01-21-2003: Message edited by: Wetsart ]

I'm sorry, I just can't get over the image of somebody having sex with their mom and thanking her shortly after saying "Yum!"

[ 01-21-2003: Message edited by: Suddar ]

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Nobody really understood why Suddar wrote:
...sex with your mom?

I'm sorry, I just can't get over the image of somebody having sex with their mom and thanking her shortly after saying "Yum!"

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You know that's not what I meant, you pervo.

The use of "mom" was as a generic example of someone that you have some emotional attachment to, but isn't the center of your world. Feel free to replace "mom" with "best friend", "old friend", or "friendly neighbourhood leather merchant".

They should get counceling, or get divorced, or break up. Cheating is so heartwrenching.

Why DOES cheating exist?

Everyone does have their reasons, but, there probably are some common trends.

I mean...marraige is a sacred bond. But people break it! Other than the obvious reasons (abuse), why?

[ 01-21-2003: Message edited by: Lenny ]

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Lenny stopped staring at Deedlit long enough to write:
I mean...marraige is a sacred bond. But people break it! Other than the obvious reasons (abuse), why?

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Because people change. Sometimes it draws people together, sometimes it drives people apart.

Sometimes, something will happen that affects one person deeply, that the other person just can't understand.

Sometimes, you're happily married, and then "the One" walks into your life.

Sometimes, it's a form of self-destructive behavior.

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Suddar had this to say about Pirotess:
...sex with your mom?

I'm sorry, I just can't get over the image of somebody having sex with their mom and thanking her shortly after saying "Yum!"

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I thought the same thing and was laughing for five minutes after reading that post.

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Lenny had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
Here's the end-all question:

Why DOES cheating exist?

Everyone does have their reasons, but, there probably are some common trends.

I mean...marraige is a sacred bond. But people break it! Other than the obvious reasons (abuse), why?

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What are you ideas on the subject? Some have been given. Being abused, not getting what you want from the relationship, general unhappiness from the person.

What do you think goes through someone's mind when they decide to cheat? Is it a malicious move? Is it a cry for help? Is it something else?

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A sleep deprived Lyinar Ka`Bael stammered:
I thought the same thing and was laughing for five minutes after reading that post.

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Despite all my training, and effort, and practice; my mind still doesn't drop into the gutter as easily as the average person's.

Still, at least I don't make painful little slips like that as much as I used to.

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Palador ChibiDragon had this to say about (_|_):
Despite all my training, and effort, and practice; my mind still doesn't drop into the gutter as easily as the average person's.

Still, at least I don't make painful little slips like that as much as I used to.

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My mind drops into the gutter quite easily. Deth has assured that.

[ 01-22-2003: Message edited by: Lyinar Ka`Bael ]

My feelings will come tomorrow. I'm too braindead from work right now.