Everyone had dreams as a kid I know I sure did. I wanted to be a police officer. A hero. Someone whose job actually meant something on occasion. Do you want to know why I abandoned this dream when I was about 15? It was a fucking stupid reason, because I was a fucking stupid teenager and hell, I still am for another seven months. Because my name is Sean Kelley. Michael Sean Kelley, to be precise, but my parents didnt want me to go by Michael My father is Michael, his father is Michael, and Id fucking swear were descendants of the archangel himself because of all the Michaels in my family.
I had the most un-coplike name in my entire school, believe it or not. My circle of friends included Christopher Christiansen, John Bender, Michael Tignor and Aiden Somethingorother. Aiden didnt need a last name, Aiden is a fucking cool enough name to begin with. Chris was C.K., despite the lack of a K in Christiansen, but nobody questioned it. Nobody had reason to. John was Bender, obviously, because Bender is a cool enough name to stand on its own. (this was before Futurama) Aiden was Aiden. Michael was Tignor, for all the same reasons as John. Yeah, there were two Michaels. But Im Sean.
Nicknames were out of the question. Nobody needed them, nobody wanted one, and we didnt do shit stupid enough to deserve one. We never jumped fences to break into abandoned buildings or wrestled naked in a carpeted locker room. (Ask Patrick Ng how he got the name Assburn. Its such a great story.) But, looking back, I wish I had, though. I needed a nickname.
If you hadnt noticed, this little yarn largely takes place back in.. oh, I think it was about 98 when I was in school with those guys. I was as in love with cop shows then as I still am now; NYPD Blue and its reruns were my porn. Most of you guys know NYPD Blue, right? Dennis Franz? Yeah. Didnt that show rock? They had some characters on there that really kicked ass. I hope you remember some of them, because I sure do.
Andy Sipowicz. Odd name, but also oddly fitting for Dennis Franzs brand of cop.
Greg Medavoy. Medavoy, solid name. Memorable. It almost seems to have its own brand of attitude.
Rita Ortiz. - Female. Oh geez. Who am I kidding? Ortiz is an awesome cop name, kinda like Hartigan, or Callahan.
John Clark. - Okay, a little weak, but this guy was also a colossal douche. Mark-Paul Gosselaar is a name that more than makes up for the characters own shortcomings, though.
Thomas Bale. - Bale is a cool name. I dont know how else to say it. Its like Bane, but without the stigma of a poorly represented Batman villain attached.
John Kelly. - UH OH. And here we have a problem. David Caruso is an incredible actor and he makes a great cop. Caruso even has the second greatest cop name of all time under his belt; Horatio fucking Caine. Only Vic Mackey tops that shit, man. Why was this character so unpopular? Why did Caruso get canned after only two seasons on Blue? Believe what you want about contract problems or general douchebaggery, I know the real reason: His characters name. Kell(e)y isnt a cop name. It just doesnt work with a first name of John or even worse Sean, which fucking rhymes and gets confused with John often enough.
Kelley isnt a name for radio either, and thats still one of my passions. I almost had an internship at a local rock station back in 99, but my real job interfered with my schedule and I had to cancel. If I werent a white Irish guy I could possibly do porn, but Im hung like a gnat and get sunburnt on cloudy nights.
I may have to go look into shoveling tar or fixing clocks or something equally banal, because my name just isnt up to the task of cool jobs. Sean fucked around with this message on 03-29-2005 at 07:54 PM.
It's not something people hear about.
If I was running around with Kelley on a jersey fans would be looking for breasts and a ponytail.
It's not something people hear about.
Not to mention its spelled like a girls version, and my last name is a fruity color... You can't get more gay than that. You lose fucknut.
Teal, Teel, or however you Texan hicks spell it, would look good on a business card. Almost as good as "Diamond Jack" Smith.
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
Sean had this to say about (_|_):
Teal isn't a gay color. Fuschia is a gay color, and I pity anyone named Billie Fuschia.Teal, Teel, or however you Texan hicks spell it, would look good on a business card. Almost as good as "Diamond Jack" Smith.
I was only tryin to help... 
My full name doesn't even fit on most forms. >:/
quote:
Ares was naked while typing this:
Okay, try the last name "Cruikshank"...My full name doesn't even fit on most forms. >:/
what is the origin of that name ares? I know it's similar to the name of the cat in harry potter. other than that...
my name is Caleb, which uh... is a boys name, yah
My name is Ryan Richard Gallop. I don't really know what my name represents, or what it says about me or anything. It's just a name. I think I would have prefered to be called Richard, but almost every other male in my family (on both sides, oddly enough) already has that name so I was given a different one.
quote:
Norim Stumpfighter had this to say about Pirotess:
what is the origin of that name ares? I know it's similar to the name of the cat in harry potter. other than that...
my name is Caleb, which uh... is a boys name, yah
It's scottish. The true spelling is "Cruickshank" or "Cruickshanks" but my grandfather thought that the extra "C" was stupid, so he removed it.. So, now half of the family spells it with 2 c's, but the other half with one.
My full name > Ashley Elizabeth Cruikshank. 26 letters. >:I And my mom wanted to name me "Ashleigh" but my dad said it would be too long.
quote:
Delidgamond stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
Aaron Paccione. And if any of yous want to make fun of it I'm gonna get my pizanos to whack you.
I like the name Aaron for men. Erin for women I don't like much.
I agree, though. Kelley doesn't sound like a cop name.
quote:
Ares said this about your mom:
My full name > Ashley Elizabeth Cruikshank. 26 letters. >:I And my mom wanted to name me "Ashleigh" but my dad said it would be too long.
A Shillelaigh Crux Hank.
quote:
Lazzay enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
Sean Kelley sounds like a good name for a surgeon or orthodontist.
Or a teenage heartthrob.
Most boring fucking name ever.
quote:
Ares obviously shouldn't have said:
I like the name Aaron for men. Erin for women I don't like much.
Hey there girly
quote:
Delidgamond had this to say about Cuba:
Hey there girly
She said men.
quote:
JooJooFlop stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
She said men.
Burn.
quote:
Delidgamond had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
I'm more of a man then any inanimate piece of metal
I should probably get a guy with a kickass last name IMO!
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Sakkra was all like:
James McKim. My name rocks.
It's no Phil McKrakin.
quote:
Addy had this to say about Tron:
What sort of profession do you see it as?
It's a more dignified name, I'd say, and given your penchant for music I'd go for classical musician.
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
ACES! Another post by Sean:
It's a more dignified name, I'd say, and given your penchant for music I'd go for classical musician.
Maybe if I had my mother's maiden name (German), but it's Dutch. I don't think classical musician would work. 
I hate my middle name--Edward. Ed. Eddie. None of these are anything near what I act like. It sounds like I'm fat, middle aged, and work on cars (No offense to anyone named Edward). My mom only did it so she could give my brothers middle names starting in E as well; they're Eric and Evan, making our initials KEM, TEM, and REM. My mom's kinda strange.
My first name I kind of like. It's passable; different enough that I don't run into very many people with the same name as I do, while normal enough that people don't look at me funny. My last name, McCabe, is nice and solid as well; I'll never understand how some people managed to mispronounce it.
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Addy was all like:
We already discussed my name. What sort of profession do you see it as?
Evil foreign military leader a la Colonel Clink.
quote:
Sean was naked while typing this:
Okay, fine, let's go with the safe answer: Move to Vegas, become a whore. Or skip the Vegas and 'become' part, you skank.
God, I hate you. 
Give me a real answer.
quote:
Delidgamond probably says this to all the girls:
I know your first name is Melissa. No idea what your last name is so I can't help you. It isn't something like McWhore like Sean says it is is it?
It's Walfoort.
quote:
Addy wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
It's Walfoort.
WALFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!
Music, history or literature. Nothing else seems to fit just right.
It's not something people hear about.
