Scene opens in a crowded high school hall. As the bell rings, the crowd dissipates, leaving only a tall, fair-haired lad and a pink-faced lass. The lad takes a moment to look solemn before speaking...
Lemmy: I'm sorry, Beaukat...but I can't take you to the prom. When my father died at the hands of ninja assassins, I made him a promise, that I would love only one and never any others. And now, I must go meet that love...I'm sorry.
Lemmy takes his leave, leaving an infuriated Beaukat behind. Suddenly, one of the locker doors pops open and a strange, long-haired head leers out.
Tarquinn: Why are you so depressed, young maiden?
Beaukat: If Lemmy doesn't go with me to the prom, then I'll never become popular enough to take my vengeance on those who have teased me!
Tarquinn: As a filthy German, I am sympathetic to all plights. Take this powder from my native lands, it will command any man you wish to fall in love with you.
Beaukat: Excellent! Soon, revenge will be mine, or my name isn't Archibald Q. Peterschmidt!
"KYAAAAAAAA!"
Suddenly, the scene is interrupted as a goatee'd man in red samurai armor charges onto the scene, his long katana blade drawn. With two quick strokes, he decapitates and splits open Tarquinn and Beaukat respectively.
Bajah: Hm! This was a good death, but my prey is deeper within the bowels of this school...the cafeteria...hmm...that will be the place.
As Bajah charges down the hall to engage his target to revive his honor, a sudden beam of light blasts down at the spot he was just standing. It dissipates to reveal a female clad in a bulky suit of space-age armor. She readies her arm blaster and narrows her eyes through her visor...
Rosaline Aran: The bounty on this target will bring me closers to the answers I seek. I am reminded of my time on Planet Zeboze, wherein I first encountered...oh, we have no time for internal monologue. Long story short: it wound up with me riding an emu. But I digress...the target awaits.
And so the bounty hunter charges down the same path the samurai took, each seeking their own respective targets...will they find them?
End Episode 1
Rejected by the most popular stud in school.... but I sill have that powder!*sprinkles it on random hawt hawt people* BeauChan fucked around with this message on 05-12-2004 at 10:04 PM.
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
BeauChan enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
ohnoesRejected by the most popular stud in school....
You also have the slight problem of having been run through.
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
Nae fucked around with this message on 05-12-2004 at 10:16 PM.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
quote:
Gunslinger Moogle's fortune cookie read:
You also have the slight problem of having been run through.
aw who cares? I was rejected my LEMMY! of ALL people! I used to love you *sniffles dramatically*
Lemmy: Ah, sloppy joe...how could I love anyone else but you?
Scene pans over to a small man made of metal wearing a hairnet and apron. He stands at the lunch line, dispensing sloppy joes to all who come to the line.
JooJooFlop: Now serving: nobody n00bs who will likely be used as cannon fodder.
Sakkra: Right here.
Manticore: How you doin'.
Alaan: Can I have mine with vegetable medley?
Suddenly, the doors burst open as the red samurai flies through the door. With one quick swing of his blade, he cleaves the three students in twain and wipes his blade clean as they fall, bleeding to the floor. Growling, he raises his katana to the metal man.
Bajah: JooJoo Hideyoshi! You killed my master and my fellow samurai! To regain my honor, I will rend you asunder!
A faint whistling sound is heard. Bajah looks up and dodges just in time as a missile goes flying by, crashing into a garbage can and causing it to explode. He growls as he sees the armor-clad woman standing at the other end.
Bajah: Who dares deny me my vengeance?
Rosaline: Sorry, Hirohito. This space pirate's going in for crimes against the Federation.
JooJooFlop: And now, time for a hasty retreat...
James Bond music begins to play as JooJooFlop hits a button on his elbow. Helicopter blades sprout out of his head and he putters out through a skylight.
JooJooFlop: Farewell, superfools! HA HA HA HA HA!
Bajah growls and lowers his blade at Rosaline.
Bajah: Female dog! You will pay dearly for denying me my honor!
Rosaline cocks her arm and begins to charge up a shot.
Rosaline: Bring it, punk.
End Episode 2...
Getting ganked by a swordsman, on the other hand, is not good mojo.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
quote:
Tal At Work had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
Parce will forget me in his story, as always.
Now he's gonna intentionally leave you out
quote:
Ragabash thought about the meaning of life:
Wait, every member? Does this include banned ones? alt accounts? People who aren't around anymore? Cross linear time created fabjiguadas? Shit! I've gone crosseyed! I'm suing Steve Martin!
I heard if you throw a paper clip into a time-space rift, you get another universe where everyone is made out of tofu.
quote:
Sean had this to say about Robocop:
FIVE.
Trent: Good day. My name is Trent.
And is promptly devoured by a rampaging alligator.
Trent: OHSHI
As the reptile finishes its meal, a tall fellow with bad hair and wearing glasses approaches, taking a seat next to Lemmy.
Professor Karnaj: Why so blue, Lemmy? Are you upset that you didn't make the team?
Lemmy: I don't want to belong...but I don't want to be isolated, either...I just want...to be.
Karnaj: ...uh huh.
Lemmy: ...get your hand off my ass.
The alligator suddenly lunges up and devours a local Canadian student.
Ruvyen: SWEET FANCY MOSES!
Suddenly, the door flies open and in charges a fierce, long-haired scientist wearing spectacles.
Professor Ja'Deth: KARNAJ! You've done it now, old boy. I told you before, nobody but nobody messes with the frogs we were going to dissect!
Karnaj: FOOL! In releasing them, I was granted terrible powers by the Egyptian God Set! BEHOLD!
With a terrifying roar, Karnaj begins to grow and mutate until he finally stops. The roof cracks as he shoots through it and his spectacled face quickly becomes that of an angry mule. He pounds his chest and roars at the fleeing students below.
Ja'Deth: SO BE IT! OSIRIS, LEND ME THE STRENGTH OF THE NILE!
Shouting to the heavens above, Ja'Deth too begins to grow until he stands face-to-face with the ass-faced, 50-foot tall terror. His own face has turned into that of a vicious hawk. He releases a screech as the two terrible ancient titans, their powers dormant until they finally confront each other on this fateful day, clash in an epic battle.
Meanwhile, flying a squadron of jets nearby...
Callalron: This is Weirdbeard to Comrade Portly. Come in Portly.
Snoota: This is Portly, go ahead Weirdbeard.
Callalron: Are you seeing these two ancient titans duking it out over Parcelan High?
Snoota: Say again say again, Parcelan's high?
Callalron: Negative. Buckle your roger and follow me. We're going in.
Snoota: Roger.
End Episode 3
quote:
Zair probably says this to all the girls:
Best update yet. But what happened to Bajah vs Rosa?
It's got a very Quentin Tarantino feel thus far. So, expect some of their backstory first, and then the final blow to fall three seconds before the film fades to black.
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
Sean had this to say about the Spice Girls:
FIVE.
I'm in a story that doesn't make fun of me! Manticore fucked around with this message on 05-13-2004 at 06:50 AM.
Good anyway. 
quote:
This one time, at Tarquinn camp:
Parcelan's stories have the annoying tendency to kill me very quickly.
Hey, early deaths avoid the inevitable monster rape allusions later that are permeating Parce tales these days....
Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001
Aside from that, Callalron's callsign made me laugh myself silly.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
Got space for me?
Part of me wants to root for Samus over Bajah...
quote:
Goma had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
I think I was in a Parce story once. Like.. Standing next to Liam or some such, doing nothing at all.
After I got a personality I began popping up in stuff like his personality exchange, but I don't thinkupo I was ever in a story.
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
quote:
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael stopped staring at Deedlit long enough to write:
Aside from that, Callalron's callsign made me laugh myself silly.
Forget the callsign.
"Buckle your roger and follow me. We're going in."
Lemmy: Running in scandalous shorts makes my thighs chafe...
Coach Zair: Good work, everyone! Nice hustle! Next, we'll take a vote by the United sTudents (we won't use the abbreviation US because I hate freedom) and see what activity to do next!
The door suddenly burst open and a man clad in red samurai armor comes flying through, his body smoking. With a warcry, he flips about in midair and lands on his feet, readying his blade for his opponent.
She is not far behind, as she comes dashing out of the doors at blinding speed, thanks to her Speed Booster. The samurai deftly leaps to the side as she crashes into the wall.
Bajah: You shall not deny me my honor!
Rosaline: Thanks to you, I may never find the secrets of the Chozo! You will pay!
As the two combatants circle, the liberal coach throws himself in the center of the melee in a mad plea for peace.
Zair: Stop! Stop! Don't you know how many innocent civilians will be caught in this terrible crossfire?
Rosaline: Just one.
Zair: Wha-HURK!
The brawl resumes as soon as Bajah decapitates the coach.
Meanwhile, across the gymnasium, an ugly Swede and a fat Dane watch with interest.
Zaza: We cannot allow this to go on any longer!
Jens: Yes, it is time to show the world that we still count for something!
The two Europeans press their fists together.
Zaza & Jens: EUROTWIN POWERS...ACTIVATE!
Jens: Form of...AN ILL-TEMPERED PUFFERFISH!
Zaza: Form of...A GIANT PUSSY!
There is a flash of light, and when it dissipates the two Europeans are a flopping fat fish and a massive female genitalia.
Zaza: ...we should have thought this out further. We're worthless in these forms.
Jens: Fool! Remember, Europe was saved by these ancient powers!
Zaza: ...
Jens: ...TO THE CAFETERIA!
End Episode 4
<claps>
