My girlfriend, the BITCH - EverCrest Message Forums

Author

Topic: My girlfriend, the BITCH

Gadani

posted 04-03-2007 06:09:17 PM

When I met my girlfriend, she seemed like a perfect match. She appeared to be a deep and caring person who could look past the physical handicaps I have. You see, I suffer from two severe abnormalities. The abnormalities, located in my chest region and gravely serious (gynecomastia and galactorrhea), severely damaged my chances of finding friendship and made me sort of antisocial. The day I met her, I practically skipped home.

I have some weird brain things, and I'm a bit of a packrat. This sort of helps to explain some of my motivations, I think. A few years ago I read a post on SA describing someone keeping their semen in a water bottle. I don't remember the exact circumstances surrounding this somewhat disgusting hobby/collection, but I was sort of intrigued. I wondered how long it would take, with my regular schedule, to fill up a water bottle with my semen. It wasn't really a sex thing to me; I was just curious as to how long it'd take to fill up. I kept it hidden deep under my bed and surrounded it with shoeboxes, magazines, and anything else disposable I could find, and I only brought it out when I... erm, "relieved" myself.

Now, I'd say me and my girlfriend had been dating for a little over a year when she decided to move in. She was having some trouble at home, so I felt the least I could do was accommodate her. At this point, the bottle was probably halfway full and had a strange smell to it, but I didn't worry too much because she wasn't sleeping in my bedroom and even if she went in there, it would be incredibly hard to find unless you were looking something.

And therein laid the one, fatal flaw that ruined everything.

Apparently she "lost" something, and went through my room while I was visiting my grandmother. She got pretty far under my bed and found my little experiment. When I got home, she had this completely ludicrous look of disgust on her face and just started yelling about "WHAT THE HELL'S THIS" and "GOD IF THIS IS WHAT I THINK IT IS". I was incredibly embarrassed, but I knew if I was going to come out of the situation cool, I had to act as if I was more offended than her. I knew that I had to act that she was the one in the wrong (which she pretty much was).

I lunged at her and screamed some sort of weird combination of "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?! IS IT THAT BIG OF A DEAL?! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO GO THROUGH MY PROPERTY?! CHILL OUT, BITCH!" She threw the bottle down, it cracked, and then she just stormed out of my house like that was the end.

It's been a day and she won't stop calling me. I know she probably wants to break up, but I am also certain that I can fix this. I mean, obviously nothing's going to work out in the long-term, but I can't leave this relationship without banging her at least once. So I have to ask you goons how you think I can fix this. Obviously, this seems sort of weird, and you might think I acted somewhat childish, but I didn't do anything wrong. I gave her a house. I have her food. I gave her love. Ignore all the strangeness that seems upsetting out-of-context, and look at this from my perspective.

I'm actually posting this from a fellow goon's house (who has asked to remain anonymous), because I'm afraid she's going to show up at my place before I get a strategy figured out. This whole situation is just utterly ridiculous.