Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
Besides, it gives time for the Bajorcs to invade the Gypsy Camp. All Lesbians need Hetero-Conversion by FORCE!!
Hay Kat, can I splash around in your river? 
quote:
Khyron had this to say about dark elf butts:
Kat is a river guardian?Hay Kat, can I splash around in your river?
Only by sacraficing many cookies to me. ^.^
quote:
Out of a possible 10, Katrinity scored a straight 1 with:
Only by sacraficing many cookies to me. ^.^
*sets up and altar and ritually stabs many cookies for Katrinity*
Hey, you said to.
quote:
Bajah had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
*sets up and altar and ritually stabs many cookies for Katrinity*Hey, you said to.
<gobbles up the cookie essences as they escape their earthly coils> Mmmmmh!
"I sacrifice riches in your name, guardian!" Sir Snoota called out to the roaring river. He tossed the pouch in, and let it sink to the bottom with a satisfying "ker-PLUNK!"
The river churned briefly before launching the pouch back out and sending it caroming against a nearby rock, revealing the pile of brown, smelly stuff inside it. Sir Snoota absently cursed himself for not labeling his gold pouch and his feces pouch more clearly.
"An INSULT!" cried the guardian. "You will pay for this, sir knight!"
"Hold!" Sir Snoota called out. "Perhaps I can offer a hostage exchange. For I am hasty and wish to get back to seeing my elf get sexed up."
"And what could you offer me in exchange for this insolent bard?" the river churned out.
Sir Snoota glanced about to see a pudgy fellow who hadn't shaved in awhile sitting near the river, making crude comments towards it. A Khyronicle, if he recognized correctly, an outcast of normal society cast into the world for his general crudeness.
Sir Snoota gingerly plucked up the fellow by the scruff of his neck and tossed him into the river, watching him sink to the bottom like a stone.
"Take this one!" he cried. "He shall serve you well as a tech support if nothing else!"
The river churned in thought, as she tossed about to the Khyronicle in her waves. With a fierce bubbling rising to the surface, she growled from the waters.
"No, sir knight," she bellowed. "I shall not take this one. For he is crude, unintelligble and sheds far too much. I think I shall keep the ba-"
When her attentions turned to the rock, her waters began to boil angrily. The bard was gone! Looking to the shore, she could see him riding away on the knight's pig and clinging tightly to his ass! A trick! While she had been distracted with the Khyronicle, he had used his porker as a floatation device and rescued the bard! How...how...how...
"How delightful!" the Khyronicle bubbled up from below. "I'm getting water in places I didn't even know I had!"
"STOP ENJOYING IT!" burbled Katrinity.
******MEANWHILE********
"Thank you ever so much, Sir Snoota!" Vorbis sang out again. "When we return to the gypsies whom I call sisters, I shall write a stirring ballad of your exploits."
"Too late for that!" Sir Snoota proclaimed, pointing to the burning wreckage ahead. The covered wagons lay shattered and burning, spewing smoke into the air like great black...smoke clouds. As his pig trotted into the copse, he spied the blue-skinned gypsy Xyrra crawling towards him, on her last breath.
"Sir knight," she gasped, "you must help your friend."
"What happened her, wench? And keep it short!" the knight ordered.
"We were sexing her up mightily," Xyrra said, "when we were attacked by the Bajorcs!"
"BJORK?! My most hated enemy!" Sir Snoota growled.
"No, the Bajorcs," Xyrra continued, "A race of hairy, wide-eyed humanoids that live only for war and gyros. Now please, let me finish! I am about to breathe my last breath."
"Perhaps you should save it to bake me some pie," Sir Snoota replied.
"They abducted your companion," Xyrra gasped out, "and took her to their fortress in the caverns beyond! I fear the worst for her, for she was very dear to me in the time I knew her...intimately."
"Sir Snoota," Vorbis bade his rescuer from behind. "We must hurry before the Bajorcs do something unspeakable to your companion!"
"Then we shall charge their fortress and crush them beneath my lance!" Snoota roared. "Nobody ties up my elf but those who pay four gold pieces for the privilege!"
"We'll be killed!" Vorbis cried. "We may infiltrate their base another way, m'lord. I am skilled in stealth and deceit and interior design. I know my plan will work!"
As Xyrra lay dying, Snoota contemplated...
Sir Snoota must rescue Lashanna! But how will he do it?
1: Deceit is cowardly! Charge the gate! Slaughter the Bajorcs!
2: No, the fruity bard is correct! Infiltrate their fortress through stealth...
Please pour eggnog on your back, slap your ass, and make a selection.
one mario! bwahaha! TWO mario! bwahaha! TWO MARIO!
Bwahahaha!
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
*splashes around happily*
quote:
Check out the big brain on Khyron!
How delightful!*splashes around happily*
You're supposed to be drowning, not bathing! 
Ah well. <hands Khyron a cookie to share> ^.^
"Say Chauncy," one of them said.
"Yes, Edgar?" the other replied.
"What do you suppose King Bajah will want with the elf wench? Surely he won't consummate." Edgar said.
"Nay," Chauncy responded, "his heart belongs to Led, Queen of the Bugbears. Besides, his pre-nuptial contract with her states that if he consummates with anyone but her, he automatically loses his other testicle."
"His other testicle?" Edgar asked.
"Aye," Chauncy nodded, "he had to give the other one to Queen Led. Most likely he'll have the elf darn his socks or give him fashion advice."
"That would be excellent," Edgar said, "do you remember that gaudy little thing he wore to the company clan picnic last year?"
"Oh, don't remind me, Edgar," Chauncy said, shaking his head. "Wearing that skimpy little thing in public! My goodness, he might as well have had 'desperation' tattooed on his forehead."
"Say Chauncy," the other Bajorc said, looking ahead. "Is that one of us approaching?"
Suddenly, they squinted ahead as a tall creature approached. It resembled a Bajorc, from a distance at least, with thick black skin that might have been mud, shoddy armor that might have been cardboard and a wild purple mane that might have been a carpet sample. Still, that's how all the Bajorcs looked, so they didn't seem to care.
"Be careful, sir knight," Vorbis said to his companion ontop of his shoulders. "The Bajorcs are slow, but clever. One slip-up and they'll know who we are..."
"Quiet, lad," Sir Snoota said, jabbing the bard with his spurs. "We approach!"
"Hello there," Chauncy said, eyeing the possibly-disguised Bajorc. "Where have you been? The raid ended hours ago."
"Er...yes," Sir Snoota replied, "I stuck behind to sex up some gypsies...FOR GRUUMSH!"
"Sex up some gypsies? My word." Edgar gasped.
"Now, now, Edgar," Chauncy replied, "King Bajah instituted a don't ask, don't tell policy. It's not our place to judge."
"Regardless," Edgar said, "you're a tad late and you might very well be a noble knight atop a bard in disguise here to rescue a scantily-clad elf."
"Preposterous!" Sir Snoota proclaimed. "Were I anything, I'd be forty playful pixies stacked atop one another!"
"Regardless," Chauncy proclaimed, "I'll have to ask you for the password."
"Er..." Sir Snoota was drawing a blank. Who would have thought that these simple creatures even knew what a password was? Did they read GameFAQs?
"Come now," Edgar said, "King Bajah is holding a pizza party inside and we don't want to be late! The password please."
"Of course, just give me a moment." Sir Snoota said.
The password is...
1: Glory to King Bajah! May he someday bear four testicles!
2: I ran to the store to get some soda pop for the pizza party.
3: There's a nubile young man's head between my legs.
4: Down to forward, A, B, A.
quote:
Why do ya build me up, King Parcelan-cup baby just to let me down, and mess me around?
"Nay," Chauncy responded, "his heart belongs to Led, Queen of the Bugbears. Besides, his pre-nuptial contract with her states that if he consummates with anyone but her, he automatically loses his other testicle.""His other testicle?" Edgar asked.
"Aye," Chauncy nodded, "he had to give the other one to Queen Led. Most likely he'll have the elf darn his socks or give him fashion advice."[/small]
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
