As you said, that's likely to be the hardest part to make fun of. I look forward to the next part.
PARCUMAN: The board is changing. Who now is stupid enough to stand against the armies of #isengard and Mordork? To stand against the might of Maurodon and Parcuman and the union of the two showers? Theyd really have to be stupid. Weve got Orcs and Beer and Cheezits. Together, Lord Maurodon, we shall rule this board and all of the cretins therein.
[The caverns of #isengard glow with the fires of industry, sounds of hammering and voices fill the air as molten iron is poured into casts.]
PARCUMAN: (VOICEOVER) The old board will burn in the flames of my satires. The strong will fall, the weak will have never had a chance against my biting wit. A new order will rise. If that doesnt work Ill simply have them kill by my Orcs. Those guys are so dumb theyd er We now have only to remove those who oppose us.
[Parcuman stands in the midst of a gathering of Delidgumen, a rowdy crowd of chubby bald men and women? who are holding torches and crude weapons.]
PARCUMAN: The RPCresters have taken your threads. They drove your people into the hills to scratch yourselves out of view of the public eye! To places where your strange behavior could only be seen by yourselves!
CROWD: Penises!
PARCUMAN: Take back the threads they stole from you. Flame every poster! It will begin in RPCrest. Too long have these pissants stood against you. But no more. Moon them with all your glory!
[The crowd yells and celebrates by doing things to each other that will not be described in this parody. Lets just move to the nice scene shifting and bring about the next scene. Please.]
[A host of Delidgumen and Orcs swarm towards a village like a swarm of hungry, but horribly stupid locusts. The Orcs seem to keep their distance from the Delidgumen. From the distance, its hard to tell but the Orcs seem disgusted. In the foreground, within the village, a woman with her hand on a horse calls out to her children. A little girl with green hair and a frog on her head runs up, followed by a young boy with a wooden flute.]
MOTHER: Azymyth, take your sister. You'll go faster with just two personalities.
RHIANNAH: But Papa says Azymyth must not ride. He's too big for him! I mean the horse!
MOTHER: Listen to me! You must ride to Edorkas and tell the king that weve been invaded by stinky, balding, ugly, horrible creatures and orcs too! Do you understand me?
AZYMYTH: Yes mum.
RHIANNAH: I don't wanna go! I don't wanna go! Theres a whole new group of people showing up for me to annoy with CHIBI CUTENESS!!!
MOTHER: Listen to me. I will find you there just go!
[Screams are increasing in volume as the army draws closer.]
MOTHER: Quickly! Go, child! [To herself]: Oh, child. I pity the people of Edorkas now, but this is important!
[The army charges into the village and begins doing many strange and disgusting things. Some of the Delidgumen strip off their shirts and begin gyrating, while others find a nice corner and make out, yet even others just do things that just cannot be put into words. There are screams of horror coming from the village some of them from orc throats. Azymyth and Rhiannah look back from a distance and look relieved to not be there now.]
PARCUMAN: (VOICEOVER) RPCrest, my lord, is ready to fall. We shall take over their IRC channel in short time.
[A group of horsemen ride to Edorkas. An impressive man in overly shiney armor is in the lead, carrying a gravely wounded man with slate colored, squared features in front of him. A young woman dressed in a light colored gown and a small parakeet on her shoulder runs hastily up the stairs to the Golden Hall and enters a bedchamber. She runs to the bed. The gravely injured magnet man is already there, resting.]
ADDYWYN: TheoJooFlop!
[TheoJooFlop seems to hear her call but is unable to respond. He has a bloody gash on the side of his head.. thing.. area. Mightomer nods to Addywyn in the direction of TheoJooFlops torso. Addywyn draws back the covers, and upon seeing TheoJooFlops fatal wound, her lips tighten and her eyes close. She looks up to catch Mightomers eye.]
ADDYWYN: Do you have any idea what kind of mess thisll make if we put him on the fridge now? What I wouldnt give for someone to invent caulk in this day and age.
[TheoJooFlop rolls his little beady black eyes just as the scene shifts to a throneroom. Mightomer and Addywyn are speaking to King Theodelph who sits motionless on his throne, aged beyond his years, which is no real surprise.]
ADDYWYN: [To Theodelph]: Your son is badly wounded, my lord. And he didnt bring you any females this time as usual, either. Im afraid youre still stuck with your feeble old hand.
MIGHTOMER: He was ambushed by Orcs. If we don't defend our country, Parcuman will take it by force. Its plain to see he wants our open fields including those rosy palm trees you had me plant, milord King.
GRIMZA: That is a fib! Parcuman the White has ever been our friend and ally. Why just the other day he told us a great story and I was a hero of the people! Why shouldnt we trust him if he glorifies me so?
THEODELPH: [Mumbling]: Grimza... Grimza
MIGHTOMER: Orcs are roaming freely across our lands. Unchecked, unchallenged, killing at will. Orcs bearing the white Portman bust of Parcuman. He is baiting us, milord. He is a master of the technique.
GRIMZA: What proof do you have of this? Why do you badger this poor weak old king? Can you not see? Your uncle is weary from his workout, it takes a lot out of him these days..
MIGHTOMER: How long has it been since Parcuman bought you? How long have you been keeping the bust of Portman abreast of our tidings? Letting him know how melon-choly the king has become? Does he sit there, planning his next move, chest waiting for the time to strike?
[Mightomer watches Grimza, whose eyes fall on Addywyn's figure in the background.]
Too long have you watched my sister, too long have you haunted her steps, whispering obscenities and wanting cybar.
GRIMZA: You see much, Mightomer. Too much. You are banished forthwith from the kingdom of RPCrest, under pain of death. /ban #RPCrest Mightomer!*@*
[Two armored men step up to Mightomer and grab him around the arms. One is a tubby fellow with a stein on his hip, the other is a skinny little fellow with dark skin.]
@JENS: BANNED! I finally got my ops! Time to kick your arse outta here!
@ARTTY: Whee! Me too, me too! I have muffins outside if you want some. I made them with Mortykins!
[The two guards drag a struggling Mightomer away as the scene shifts yet again. Special effects budget is godly here.]
[The Uruk-hai and Orcs continue to march across the plains with their hobbit captives. Ukkagorn, Faegolas, and Gydli are in pursuit. It looks like theyve been running for days! Unfortunately, we get to ruin their façade as for some reason the scene shifts too late when they stop for their break during shooting. Oops.]
[They continue running over vast distances. The Uruk-hai and Orcs halt at nightfall, many panting.]
SUDDAR THE ORC: We ain't going no further till we've had a breather. We read the script. Theres like thirty of us running from three people. I hate being a stupid orc. It sucks. Angst angst
VORAGO THE URUK: Get the fire going! If youve ever seen the three, they have that immortal hero flag. You cant kill them and they get to look cool killing you. No THANKS.
VISE THE ORC: I brought the dancing monkey and the disco ball. Its party time!
TRENT THE ORC: There is no true party when the world is dark and a doom hovers above us all. [Trent adjusts his ankh necklace.]
VISE THE ORC: okay. Mister Pretty Orc doesnt want to party. Well, we did forget to bring chicks damnit, we ARE stupid orcs!
SUDDAR THE ORC: Angst!
TRENT THE ORC: Angst!
MOG THE ORC: I borugt the ael adn all eht palyroc maeginzes so ew cna maek it a mael bnodign epexirens!!
TATSUKAZE THE ORCS: Im not certain if I should cheer or cry right now. [Tatsukaze takes Mogs PlayOrc magazines.]
BLINDIN: Keggy! Keggy!
KEGGY: I think we might have made a mistake leaving the Shire, Blindin. That orc that took the magazines is looking mighty tempting right about now. I think I might be suffering from that identify with your captors syndrome.
[A rumbling sound is heard.]
BLINDIN: Whoa, excuse me.
KEGGY: You idiot, it's the trees.
BLINDIN: What? I thought my hard drive was defragging. Too bad I cant reach my crotch right now.
KEGGY: You just ruined my chance to have my best line in the whole damn movie with your damn megahertz penis jokes. Thosere really getting old.
BLINDIN: I cant help it. I have no other schtick. Speaking of sticks, my computer is really fast.
KEGGY: I hate you.
SUDDAR THE ORC: I'm starving. We havent had anything to eat but crappy bread and some smelly water. I SO hate being a dumb orc! Augh!
GOBOG THE ORC: Why can't we have some meat?
[Looking at the hobbits]: What about them? They're fresh and supple and young and edible!
VORAGO THE URUK: They are not for eating, you moron.
FENNAR THE ORC: What about their legs? They don't need their legs. Ooh! They look tasty! I could nibble on those all night. I managed to maximize my chewing and sharp teeth stats by sacrificing some points from my appearance score. Im the uber orc!
VORAGO THE URUK: Get back! We all know you cheated to do that so dont even try to cover it. Thank god the humans will be killing you soon.
FENNAR THE ORC: What?
VORAGO THE URUK: nothing.
GOBOG THE ORC: [Gobog steps towards the hobbits with his sword drawn.] Just a mouthful? Ill even not use my liking swords comment.
[Vorago the Uruk kills Gobog the Orc.]
VORAGO THE URUK: Looks like we get meat after all! Dig in and enjoy some dork meat!
[The Uruk-hai and Orcs cheer and started tearing into Gobog the Orc, intestines flying, taking their eyes off the hobbits for a while.]
KEGGY: Blindin, let's go!
[Their hands still bound, the hobbits try to crawl away. Suddenly a foot comes down onto Blindin and flips him over.]
FENNAR THE ORC: Go on, call for help. Squeal! No one's gonna save you now! Ive also maximized stealth, grappling, gutting, and sunshine hugs.. but well forget that last part.
[Suddenly, a spear pierces through Fennars chest with a look of shock on his face.]
FENNAR THE ORC: Crap. [Fennar dies.]
[Mayhem ensues as Riders of RPCrest burst out from their hiding places and ambush the Orcs. If youd like a description, just imagine all the EverCresters mentioned above as orcs getting skewered by spears and arrows and dying in horrible horrible ways. Its fun!]
KEGGY: Blindin!
[The hobbits try to escape from the pandemonium to the forest, dodging bodies and stomping feet. Suddenly Blindin turns and looks up at a pair of thrashing hooves bearing down on him.]
BLINDIN: Ahh! Not my crotch!
[Fade to black! New scene changing element!]
It's not something people hear about.
Me like.Some high quality puns there, I thought.
quote:
The crowd yells and celebrates by doing things to each other that will not be described in this parody. Lets just move to the nice scene shifting and bring about the next scene. Please.
Thinking about your posts
(and billing you for it) since 2001
I like much.
More to come I hope.
quote:
MOTHER: Azymyth, take your sister. You'll go faster with just two personalities.
Ahahahaha. [ 03-18-2003: Message edited by: McGiantt ]
*basks*
Okay done.
Very funny.
funny as hell!
I demand more!
god damn that was funny.. The delidgumen.. rofl
[ 03-19-2003: Message edited by: BlueMage ]
quote:
Sauron had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
MOG THE ORC: I borugt the ael adn all eht palyroc maeginzes so ew cna maek it a mael bnodign epexirens!!
*falls over laughingupo*
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
Okay, really, I'm going to sleep now!!!
Mooooore!
quote:
VISE THE ORC: okay. Mister Pretty Orc doesnt want to party. Well, we did forget to bring chicks damnit, we ARE stupid orcs!
The story of my life....PURE COMEDY GOLD!!!!!
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
DU wrote this stupid crap:
Worgs and Helm's Deep plz
quote:
This insanity brought to you by DU:
Worgs and Helm's Deep plz
WARGS
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
And I'm waiting on a PM from someone before I can finish the scene I'm on - they know who they are!
quote:
Bajah attempted to be funny by writing:
I'm working on itAnd I'm waiting on a PM from someone before I can finish the scene I'm on - they know who they are!
OMG, like PM him already! 
(This is not the stealth bump you're looking for.)
quote:
Addy had this to say about the Spice Girls:
Hooray, now that person better PM you!!
/agree
