quote:
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael had this to say about Captain Planet:
So where's the next section? WORK THOSE STUBBY LITTLE PRAIRIE DOG FINGERS! I DEMAND COMEDY!
He was supposed to have done it yesterday - he starts a 3 day go-away today. He'll be back by Saturdday, I think.
Brilliant work as always, Parce!
Stay tuned.
[ 08-16-2002: Message edited by: G.S. Waisztarroz ]
Camera opens up on Snootbo in a room with young Vorbo looking at him, expectantly.
Snootbo: Well, I'm very old you see, so it took me quite some time to get this sword out of the dresser, because I am nowhere near as young as I was in the beginning of the movie and we could've saved a lot of this stupid text if I had just been introduced when I was SUPPOSED TO BE!
Vorbo: Right, right. Spare us the angst and show me the goods.
Snootbo: Okay, but it's pretty cold ou-...oh, you mean the sword. It's my old blade: Sting. It glows blue when orcs are about.
Vorbo: Well, thank goodness I haven't seen any orcs lately! I certainly hope I don't run into, oh, about a hundred of them or some hideous cross-breed of them later in this story.
Snootbo: Yes, that is fortunate. Here's a pretty thing. MEETHRAWL, thin as an angster's skin, yet thick as a troll's skull! Here, let me see you put it on.
Vorbo begins unbuttoning his shirt, revealing the ring. Snootbo raises an eyebrow...
Snootbo: Oh...you've got...such a manly pec. I should like very much...to hold it once more.
Vorbo slowly begins buttoning up his shirt again. Snootbo's eyes suddenly bug out and he reaches for Vorbo's tit, causing the young Hobbit to jump back in startlement.
Snootbo begins crying.
Snootbo: Oh, I'm so sorry, my boy...I'm sorry I brought all of this on you. I'm so terribly sorry that I must cry, because I am so sorry...
Vorbo: I'm still not going to sleep with you.
Snootbo: Fuck. Well, get on your way, then.
Camera comes back up as the Fellowship begins crossing the vast lands in a montage too fantastic for words, which is why we'll skip that part.
We come across our heroes back at a mountain cliff, where Waisztomir, Blindin and Keggy are play-fighting each other.
Waisztomir: That's it! Faster, faster!
Stridejah: Hehehe...that's what she said.
Waisztomir: I'd believe you, if there had been some fantastic cinematography depicting a moving scene between you and that elf chick.
Stridejah: She told me to go forge my own legendary sword...
Waisztomir: Ha ha ha!
The bearded boy accidentally hits Keggy's finger!
Keggy: OW!
Waisztomir: I'm sorry!
The Hobbits move in, knocking him down and piling on top of him, whacking him with their little fists. Waisztomir laughs.
Waisztomir: Alright, alright! You Hobbits got me. Now get on up. What are you doing...wait...are those...Miniature Louisville sluggers?
With screaming in the background, the camera moves up to Gydli and Karnalf, sitting on a rock.
Gydli: If I didn't know better, Karnalf, I'd say we were taking the LONG way to Mordor. You know, we could go through the Mines of Moronia, my cousin Balion would give us a royal welcome.
Karnalf: No, Gydli, I would not take the path through the mines unless I had no other choice.
Gydli: Typical! You tall-folk are trying to keep us little men down! BEARD POWER! BEARD POWER!
Suddenly, Faegolas looks to the distance, where a large black cloud is moving.
Vorbo: What's that?
Gydli: 'Tis a bad fart, nothing more!
Waisztomir: It's moving fast...and against the wind.
Faegolas: ANGSTBAINS FROM DUNLAND!
Stridejah: HIDE!
Blindin: I DIDN'T GET TO SAY ANYTHING DURING THIS SCENE!
The Fellowship scurries under rocks as a horde of black birds with bad masscara jobs fly over head, shrieking: "Woe is me!" "Nobody understands me!" "My hot dog is burnt!"
As they pass by, the Fellowship comes out of hiding...
Karnalf: It seems the Gap of Rohan is being watched...we can no longer pass through it.
Vorbo: I don't know who this Rohan chick is, but if you wore that hat while propositioning her, it's no wonder her gap is impassable to you.
Karnalf: ....we shall take the Pass of Caradhras.
Zoom out to see the large, snow-capped mountains in the background.
The camera opens again as the Fellowship treks across the mountain top.
Faegolas: So...does anyone else see the irony of calling this a "pass"?
Karnalf: Shut up, elfboy. We pay you to look pretty and shoot stuff, not to talk.
In the back, Vorbo tumbles down the mountain, only to be caught by Stridejah. We see the Ring, which has fallen off, being picked up by Waisztomir, who examines it thoroughly.
Waisztomir: It is a strange fate that all our lives rest on such a small thing...
Gydli: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one!
Stridejah: Waisztomir! Give the ring back to Vorbo.
Waisztomir snaps out of a trance, and smiles, giving the ring back to Vorbo.
Waisztomir: As you wish. I care not! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! NOTHING SUSPCIOUS HERE! NO FORESHADOWING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT! NO SIR! LET'S GET GOING SHALL WE!
Zoom up to see Stridejah's hand gently slide off his sword's hilt.
Vorbo: Could you take your other hand off my ass, while you're at it?
The scene changes back into Cadgamon's lair as he is informed by his angsty ravens of the Fellowship's position.
Cadgamon: So, Karnalf...you are trying to go the way of Caradhras. But...if the mountain defeats you...where will you go? Will you go to the death of the Dwarves? They dug too deep...and too greedily...you know what they released...
Camera zooms to Fennar and Vise the orcs in the background.
Fennar: It really weirds me out when he talks to himself like that...
Vise: Well, it's no worse than the time he made us praise Sauron by doing the hokey pokey...
Scene changes as our heroes cross a narrow cliff, knee-deep in snow. Except for Faegolas, who walks upon it.
How does he do it? Is it because he's an elf? Is it because he's nimble? Is it because he has great hair?
Elsart: NOT AS GREAT AS ME!
For only 29.99 you, too, can walk on snow with Faegolas' boot of choice: Air Elronds. C'mon, pay to be Fae.
Back to the story, as Faegolas goes forward and squints against the sky. A terrible farting noise is heard.
Faegolas: There is a fell odor on the wind!
Karnalf: It is Cadgamon! He's trying to bring down the mountain!
Vorbo: Really?
Karnalf: Either that, or he's been getting into the chili again.
An entire cloud of snow falls atop the Fellowship. After a brief moment, they dig themselves out.
Waisztomir: We cannot take this path! We must make for the Gap of Rohan!
Stridejah: The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Mordor!
Gydli: If we cannot go over the mountain, let us go under it! Let us go through....waiting for my close up...
The camera zooms in on Gydli.
Gydli: There we go. THE MINES OF MORONIA!
Karnalf looks perplexed for a brief moment...
Karnalf: Let the Ring-bearer decide.
Vorbo: ...we shall go to the Mines or Moronia.
Karnalf: WHAT THE FUCK?! DID YOU NOT JUST SEE THE WHOLE FUCKING SCENE WITH CADGAMON AND ALL THAT SHIT?! IT'S NO FUCKING WONDER YOU HOBBITS ARE RARELY SEEN! BECAUSE YOU DUMBASSES ALWAYS GO TO THE FUCKING MINES!...Oh! Er...I mean...very well.
To Be Continued...
Pure Genius!!!
quote:
So quoth Ferret:
My ribs hurt.
There be law 'pon the seas.
quote:
D© had this to say about Cuba:
It was a ninety-minute long gay joke.
If you think this was bad, take a look at that "Secret diaries of the LotR characters" site. Since the author is female, she can't resist making just about every character secretly gay.
quote:
Azrael Heavenblade had this to say about Optimus Prime:
If you think this was bad, take a look at that "Secret diaries of the LotR characters" site. Since the author is female, she can't resist making just about every character secretly gay.
What the fuck does being female have to do with that?
quote:
Azrael Heavenblade stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
If you think this was bad
It's called a Jay and Silent Bob reference.
Learn it, love it, live it.
W00t! 
quote:
King Parcelan had this to say about the Spice Girls:
Waisztomir: I'd believe you, if there had been some fantastic cinematography depicting a moving scene between you and that elf chick.Stridejah: She told me to go forge my own legendary sword...
*would bwahahahaupo, but is inanimate*
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
quote:
Lyinar Ka`Bael stopped staring at Deedlit long enough to write:
The gay thing is getting rather old, as well as the angst thing. And Cadgamon actually speaking coherently is just odd. I keep wanting to see him screeching and throwing poo or such.
Let's play guess the quote! Who said,
"If you don't like it, don't post about it?"
Here again is another example of you going against Drysart's express proclamation. Anyone on the boards can comment, if their comment is civil. Mine is civil. Yours is trolling. So stop it.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
I don't want to lose this thread to her, as well.
quote:
King Parcelan wrote this stupid crap:
Please, everyone, just ignore the troll.I don't want to lose this thread to her, as well.
You, my funny little wordsmith, are walking a dangerous path. Lyinar complimented your work twice by my reckoning in this thread. Not, perhaps, to your maximum liking, and she was not total in her devotion to your words, but she was not in fact trolling. Everyone but you and Tier manage to overlook what little disagreement she has over your humor and bring up the trolling issue.
People are free to disagree or agree with virtually everything on the boards (save those things covered in board rules) so long as things do not venture into the realm of flaming. I assure you that in sticky threads, at least one moderator keeps close watch, and frequently I would presume Drysart does as well.
Just because your ego has not been suitably stroked by all parties does not mean you have been unduly prosecuted.
Spin forth your humorous tale. Whine less. Worry less. Accuse less, even in a passive-aggressive manner.
quote:
RoboMod had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
You, my funny little wordsmith, are walking a dangerous path. Lyinar complimented your work twice by my reckoning in this thread. Not, perhaps, to your maximum liking, and she was not total in her devotion to your words, but she was not in fact trolling. Everyone but you and Tier manage to overlook what little disagreement she has over your humor and bring up the trolling issue.
I wouldn't call it little, but hell, what would I know?
Seems to me she runs into every funny thread of his, spouts something like "I don't like this, you should change it," and it eventually gets locked.
But I'm just bored and waiting on a PM reply from Drysart, feel free to reply if you wish.
You all might want to review that portion of things. Drysart has already made it clear he doesn't take kindly to comments like these.
And did you ever think, D, that it eventually gets locked because of everyone bitching when I don't blow sunshine up Parcelan's ass like others do?
If I were being crude and nasty about it, that's one thing. But I have a right to my opinion. You don't have to agree, but you *do* have to let me have it. Drysart has already made that very clear the *last* time I had to bring him into this sort of dispute. [ 08-17-2002: Message edited by: Lyinar Ka`Bael ]
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
Parc, you managed to make a version of LoTR that dosent suck!
I bow before your skill!
quote:
Fennar stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
Parc, you managed to make a version of LoTR that dosent suck!
I think we all established your opinion was horribly misguided as to LotR. 
Long live LotT!
quote:
Bitching about moderators, an act of moderation, or the rules will probably result in a ban. If you have a problem with a moderator, an action a moderator's taken, or the moderation policies in general, send a private message (preferred) or an email to Drysart. Send it directly to Drysart. Do not send it to other moderators. Do not post threads whining about it. Do not go to chatrooms and bitch about it. Send it to Drysart. Not other moderators. Drysart. Not other moderators. Other moderators are powerless to do anything about it anyway. And posting about it just causes flamewars and doesn't solve anything. Also, it makes you look like an ass.
D has the right idea. If you disagree with an act of moderation, take it to Drysart in a private message.
That having been said, two things.
1. Lyinar: I moderated. If someone violates the rules, a moderator will handle it. I saw Lashanna's comment, I handled it.
2. I personally think Parcelan's parody is humorous. I've not locked this thread nor do I have any intention of doing so. I don't want it to be ruined by argument and discontentment. But then I think the mods should've been the Nazgul. 
[ 08-17-2002: Message edited by: Tier the Genius ]
Forgive my snippishness. I spoke out against LOG before and quite a few people fell over themselves to remind me of that rule.
So I (pettily, yes, very pettily) saw an opportunity to return the favor. I apologize.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
[ 08-17-2002: Message edited by: Delidgamond ]
