THE FINAL ROUND!
Karnaj walks out onto the ring, escorted by the ring girls, and addresses the audience.
Karnaj: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, you and me! Let's welcome our two final combatants!
Karnaj gestures to one side of the ring.
Karnaj: In THIS CORNAAAAAAAAH! The king of fling! The prince of poo! That duke of dung! It's...
CADGA!
A small little simian hops out onto the ring and begins dancing around.
Cadga: float liek a buttefly...sting like a bee! Stand up, sit down...PEE PEE PEE!
Karnaj turns and gestures to the other side of the ring.
Karnaj: AND IN THIS CORNAAAAAH! Ben Stein's worst nightmare! The terror of the underdark! The scourge of the depths of the earth! And ladies, he is single! It's...
BEHOLDER!
A giant, fleshy orb with multiple, writhing eyestalks protruding from its cranium ominously descends from the top of the arena, coming to a halt in the ring. It opens a singular, central eye and licks a toothy maw with a black tongue.
Karnaj: This promises to have more pain than a Garth Brooks concert! Let's...
FIGHT!
Beholder wastes no time in disposing of Cadga. He aims an eyestalk at the monkey and blasts his Disintegration ray...only to have it be harmlessly absorbed in a small poop fort.
Cadga: *from behind the fort* Ha ha! You missed! Now my turn!
Cadga peeks up from behind the poo fort and throws several brown globs of fecal matter at the Beholder, covering his eyestalks and effectively neutralizing his powers.
Beholder: By the Great Mother! How is it your excretions can cancel my powers?
Cadga: cuz Ima SUPERHERO!
Cadga bursts from his poo fort wearing external briefs, tights, and a cape that is far too big for him.
Cadga: MONKAH MAN!
Beholder: Oh ho! But I know your kryptonite, fool monkey!
Cadga: *gasp!*
Beholder snakes an eyestalk around and produces a large roll of toilet paper! Cadga screams and retreats!
Cadga: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Beholder takes the brief opportunity to remove the poo from his eyes as Cadga covers the toilet paper in brown, nutty goodness.
The floating aberration screams in delight as it zaps Cadga with a ray! Cadga shrieks and is consumed by a blinding flash of light.
Slowly, the light clears to reveal a small monkey clad in low-riding pants, a sweatshirt, beanie, and over-sized sunglasses.
Cadga: Yo, yo, yo. Less get dis pahty stahted, aight?
Beholder: ...
Cadga: Lemme lay somethin' down, yo.
Mah name is Cadga,
And I'm heah to speak,
I think that rap music,
Is totally weak.
Of course you know,
I'm rappin' now,
It don't make sense,
So heah's a COW!
A giant cow falls from the sky and crushes Beholder beneath it.
Karnaj walks out and addresses the audience.
Karnaj: Well....that was really f***ed up! Sources say that either the writer ran out of ideas for a fight between a floating ball of eyes and flesh and a monkey, or the reader's on crack as he reads this! What do I care? I get to be surrounded by chicks in chainmail bikinis!
Karnaj holds up Cadga's hand!
WINNER: CADGA!
quote:
Mr. Parcelan wrote this then went back to looking for porn:
I would make you a ring girl, Aaniele, if it weren't for the fact that I'm convinced you're really a man.
I never really understood why so many men like to pretend to be a woman ...
(Not saying that someone here is a liar ... just wondering ...)
Next time, I won't raise yer throwin' hand. 
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Well done Parcey. 
