Why Men Are Just Happier People -
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
...So? Not to mention yours does too alot these days.
The garage is all yours.
Not everyone has a garage, and those that do it's only the men's if the woman doesn't really care.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Even if we do care to have input in wedding plans, most women wouldn't let us near em anyway
Chocolate is just another snack.
Same for women, we're just not obsessed over that 1 extra pound.
You can be president.
Hillary Clinton is running soon, women have been capable of running for years, and this list is proof as to why some women never should be.
You can never be pregnant.
Don't wanna be pregnant? Lots of things can be done about that. Abortions, condoms, the pill, not screwing, tubes tied, make your dude get a vasectomy...
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Try wearing a swim suit.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Try wearing a swim suit
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
No they don't
The world is your urinal.
No more than yours. Some guys piss anywhere, chicks could too with a bit more difficulty. Plus, who cares? That's gross anyway
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one
is just too icky.
No one does.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wow, that's both sexist and revealing of idiocy. Is it really hard to remember right and left?
Same work, more pay
Aside from the fact that's rarely actually true, women have occasional advantages in court rooms, the media, and in tons of other crap because of a combination of emotion controlling stuff that it shouldn't and because of feminists wanting to prove something
Wrinkles add character.
Guys don't notice wrinkles anyway, and if you care if other chicks think you're hot then I have no idea why you'd be concerned of men anyway.
Wedding dress -- $5000. Tux rental -- $100.
Cus you're willing to pay that much. We're not. If we were, they'd be more expensive
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
We also don't wear pants that reveal half our nutsack and push everything upward into view.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
And we get bitched at for it by every woman within 100 yards for three hours
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Cus we're smart enough to buy shoes that fit.
One mood-all the time.
That's insanely stupid and offensive. We don't tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves, but the majority of the world's current and past artistic expression has come from men.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
If we want to talk, we usually do so in person. If we want to ask something, we don't make ourselves feel obligated to ask fifty questions first.
You know stuff about tanks.
We...do? Also, how the hell is this important to...just about anything?
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Same goes for both genders, as long as you're aware five pairs of clothes per day is not even close to needed.
You can open all your own jars.
Build some muscle then, dammit. Doesn't take very much of it.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Because women see us as idiots. Plus, we do notice and appreciate stuff, we just don't make you guys feel like trained puppies about it.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Oh no, I didn't go to some stupid party?
Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack
Again, you get charged what companies know you'll pay. Plus, we don't feel the need for gold-laced silk boxers with oriental designs etched in them
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Same with women, seven pairs of heels to match your seven purses is just obsessive buying habits to try and impress some guy who doesn't give a damn what your feet look like.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
Cus our clothes don't have straps. Simple solution
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes
We see them, we just don't see how they're a problem.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
If you use and need make up, you probably wear too much anyway and it's not gonna help much regardless. If you use it and don't need it, it's a waste completely.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Um, no. No it doesn't. We just don't care if we have finely woven red/black/brown wavy layers
You only have to shave your face and neck.
Shave whatever you want, we don't care as much as you think. It matters to us about as much as facial hair does you.
You can play with toys all your life.
I don't get it.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
Gee...thanks...also why do your hips even matter? Unless they're like freakish and obscene, they really don't
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
Pst, that goes for women too. No one cares.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
More like we don't give a damn how our legs look. Learn to take some pride in something other than your appearance and I'm sure you'd stop caring too.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
Doing your nails is pointless. No one even notices unless you shove your fingers in their face.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Nope, work usually makes us shave it.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
Because to us, the mall isn't a theme park or vacation home. Wal Mart is just an irritation.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
quote:
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to themWe also don't wear pants that reveal half our nutsack and push everything upward into view.
I must remember this line.
Go chase down some more vampires and spare us your witty posts, faggot. 
quote:
How.... Vallo.... uughhhhhh:
You only have to shave your face and neck.Shave whatever you want, we don't care as much as you think. It matters to us about as much as facial hair does you.
ah, the misguided youth.
quote:
Blindy. spewed forth this undeniable truth:
Seriously. If my woman doesn't have her legs shaved then I'm not gonna feel like touching them. That shit is gross. And forget about getting any tounge play if the cat isn't bare.
Don't forget the armpits.
Oh wait, you love Europeans...you probably like that.
quote:
Mr. Parcelan's complete misunderstanding of life manifested itself when they said:
Don't forget the armpits.Oh wait, you love Europeans...you probably like that.
armpits are a given. Who in their right mind wouldn't want a woman with shaved armpits?
quote:
Blindy.'s unholy Backstreet Boys obsession manifested in:
armpits are a given. Who in their right mind wouldn't want a woman with shaved armpits?
You.
quote:
Mr. Parcelan needs to learn to type:
You.
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Blindy. impressed everyone with:
quote:
So quoth Mr. Parcelan:
Dance, cat. Dance.
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Maradon! had this to say about Punky Brewster:
It's OK for women to be sexist, just like it's cool for black people to be racist. Everyone knows this.
Just like, despite criticism from every group, it's still good to be a white, religious, conservative upper class male.
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Vallo enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
1. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.Try wearing a swim suit.
2. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.Try wearing a swim suit
3. Car mechanics tell you the truth.No they don't
4. Same work, more payAside from the fact that's rarely actually true, women have occasional advantages in court rooms, the media, and in tons of other crap because of a combination of emotion controlling stuff that it shouldn't and because of feminists wanting to prove something
5. Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack
Again, you get charged what companies know you'll pay. Plus, we don't feel the need for gold-laced silk boxers with oriental designs etched in them
6. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.Um, no. No it doesn't. We just don't care if we have finely woven red/black/brown wavy layers
7. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.Pst, that goes for women too. No one cares.
Dude...
Points 1 and 2 really went over your head.
Point 3..Really mechnics are more likely to pull a con job on a chick than a dude, Not to imply a chick can't be savvy to the how and whys of an automobiles innards, but ten to 1 they will not.
Point 4. Really, men still tend to have better patying jobs, and still have a higher tendancy to be promoted quicker than woman, doubley so in many jobs were managment tends to be a boys club.
Point 5. After doing shopping for my step sister on some things, chciks really get screwed when it comes to clothes. It seems to me on any thing, even white socks, chicks pay more money for less items, and lower quality of work.
Point 6. Really, I can wear my hair like my Fricking Great-Granddad and it wouldn't look out of date.
Point 7. No People do Care, really they do. Specially employers. You need to look good.
quote:
Blindy. stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
Seriously. If my woman doesn't have her legs shaved then I'm not gonna feel like touching them. That shit is gross. And forget about getting any tounge play if the cat isn't bare.
You keep the sausage area clean for when you want a woman to give you a blow job, too?
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
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And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Vallo was all like:
You almost never have strap problems in public.Cus our clothes don't have straps. Simple solution
She's also obviously never paid attention to the number of times an hour a guy needs to scratch/adjust "the boys" either...
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Cavalier- had this to say about Captain Planet:
She's also obviously never paid attention to the number of times an hour a guy needs to scratch/adjust "the boys" either...
Glad to see that I wasn't the only one thinking this....
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Lyinar Ka`Bael had this to say about the Spice Girls:
You keep the sausage area clean for when you want a woman to give you a blow job, too?
[TMI] Upon Request 
(Thankfully my women have always liked me hairy, whew!) [/TMI]
BeauChan fucked around with this message on 09-29-2005 at 10:27 AM.
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and CBTao was all like:
[TMI] Upon Request(Thankfully my women have always liked me hairy, whew!) [/TMI]
Fair enough then in your case. You know how itchy it can get when it's shaved.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
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Lyinar Ka`Bael's opinion of themself must be pretty good:
You keep the sausage area clean for when you want a woman to give you a blow job, too?
I keep it buzzed, yes. Completely shaven it looks rediculous with the hair on my stomache and legs.
quote:
Blindy. thought about the meaning of life:
I keep it buzzed, yes. Completely shaven it looks rediculous with the hair on my stomache and legs.
Ah, but not bare. Yet you expect bare from your lady for the same services.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
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This one time, at Lyinar Ka`Bael camp:
Ah, but not bare. Yet you expect bare from your lady for the same services.
The mechanics for a guy receiving are rather different, though. The only way a girl giving is going to meet a guy's bush is if she's deep throating or he has horrid personal hygiene. Yes, I understand the principle of the equal exchange, but I find it impractical in a situation such as this. Also, as a friend of mine mentioned, if you're both bald down below, you need to keep a towel handy for nighttime activities due to the lack of hair to absorb moisture.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
Fazum'Zen Fastfist fucked around with this message on 09-29-2005 at 04:56 PM.
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
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Lyinar Ka`Bael had this to say about Optimus Prime:
Fair enough then in your case. You know how itchy it can get when it's shaved.
Its more an expression of the equality I put into my relationships, I refuse to ask for anything I myself won't give. I expect my women to shave, if they don't want to shave then they don't get my apparantly "amazing" (not my word) oral talents. Give and take.
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There was much rejoicing when Snugglits said this:
Yeah, seriously. It's not like guys are going down on the labia, and even if they were, there'd still have to be some level of maintenance.
...Yeah, we do, actually.
Well, I do, at least. 
quote:
Same work, more payAside from the fact that's rarely actually true, women have occasional advantages in court rooms, the media, and in tons of other crap because of a combination of emotion controlling stuff that it shouldn't and because of feminists wanting to prove something
Nope, men still generally get paid more.
quote:
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to themWe also don't wear pants that reveal half our nutsack and push everything upward into view.
I wear T-SHIRTS 90% of the time and I have this problem. DUDE, MY EYES ARE A LITTLE HIGHER.
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One mood-all the time.That's insanely stupid and offensive. We don't tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves, but the majority of the world's current and past artistic expression has come from men.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve either, generally, but that doesn't mean I don't have psychotic episodes of PMS occasionally.
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You almost never have strap problems in public.Cus our clothes don't have straps. Simple solution
THEY MEAN BRA STRAP, DUMB ASS. SOME THINGS CAN'T BE HELPED.
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You only have to shave your face and neck.Shave whatever you want, we don't care as much as you think. It matters to us about as much as facial hair does you.
Dude, I don't know what kind of freaky-ass girls you've made out with, but I fucking HATE having stubble rubbing against my chin. And the rash it leaves? That stuff's a bitch.
jesus titty fucking christ.
This list is retarded, and so are you. Monica fucked around with this message on 09-30-2005 at 03:06 PM.
And it's not itchy when it's shaved, it's itchy when it starts to grow stubble.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
Karnaj wrote this stupid crap:
I'd shave down to the skin, but like Dave Attell says, nothing looks weirder than a hairy gut, hairy legs, and nothing in between. The exception, of course, is the balls. You gotta shave those all the way, or else you get a little nut beard going on down there.
God damn you, Karnaj... DAMN YOU TO HELL...
Now I need bleach to scrub my mind of the mental image of a scrote with a fu-manchu.
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
