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Topic: I need a cricket paddle...bat...thinger
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 03-07-2005 09:33:14 PM
Like Shaun in "Shaun of the Dead" had. I have a new job, this pleases me. It also means I will have income to spend on such things. Unfortunately, I live in the United States, which foolishly things handguns will save them when the zombies rise up. I know different. A Cricket Paddle will save me.
Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

Mortious
Gluttonous Overlard
posted 03-07-2005 10:08:21 PM
CRICKET BAT.

Paddle.. sheesh..

Maradon!
posted 03-08-2005 12:04:38 AM
Interesting fact: On sattelite TV the cricket packages are often as much as $1200 for the season!

Despite this, enough people nationwide buy it to throw a customer service department with ~3000 employees active at any given time into enormous queues for weeks. Moreso than any other sporting event broadcast on Dish.

As employees we got the cricket pack for free one year and I have to say, cricket is a fucked up sport.

Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 03-08-2005 08:18:48 AM
I don't actually wish to play cricket, nor do I wish to watch it. I simply want to be prepared for when the...undead...rise up against me. I just want a Cricket Bat.

Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael fucked around with this message on 03-08-2005 at 08:20 AM.

Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

Sean
posted 03-08-2005 08:22:01 AM
I've never understood Cricket. It seems to be bowling meets baseball, with a little bit of rugby or something.
A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 03-08-2005 08:41:44 AM
quote:
Check out the big brain on Sean!
I've never understood Cricket. It seems to be bowling meets baseball, with a little bit of rugby or something.

"Cricket!? NOBODY understands Cricket! You gotta know what a CRUMPET is to understand CRICKET"

Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

Ruvyen
Cartoon Broccoli Boy
posted 03-08-2005 08:47:33 AM
Why not go with swords? Blunt objects such as cricket bats will only stun the undead (All undead, yes, including zombies) for a short time, if at all. A longsword can disable them permanently.
Thief: "I have come to a realisation. Dragons are not real in a general sense, but they may exist in certain specific cases."
Fighter: "Like how quantum mechanics describes how subatomic particles can spontaneously pop into existence at random!"
Thief: "No, that's stupid and stop making up words."
--8-Bit Theater
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 03-08-2005 08:51:09 AM
1. "real" swords are expensive.
2. "real" swords have to be maintained
3. cheap swords will shatter in hand and get me killed
4. A machete is a better choice than a sword because it tends to be made for hacking through brush and light wood, therefore will hack the bone better. Also lower maintenance.
5. If I'm getting swarmed by a group of zombies, I'm fucked anyway, if I'm being attacked by a lone zombie, I mainly want it out of my way so I can run. Fighting is a bad choice to make if running is still an option.
6. Hard to hit the neck of a moving target cleanly anyway. I'm not a fucking ninja.

Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael fucked around with this message on 03-08-2005 at 08:51 AM.

Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

Blindy.
Suicide (Also: Gay.)
posted 03-08-2005 08:56:39 AM
I'd want a 12 guage. One of those to the head and the zombie isn't comming after you no more.
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 03-08-2005 09:17:01 AM
1. Limited Ammo
2. Draws attention to yourself
3. buckshot is your friend, otherwise you're going to be trying to put a solid shell through a target's head, because anywhere else and it'll blow right through.
4. Best as a backup weapon.
5. Running still your primary option.
Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

Aury
My hair is a deadly weapon
posted 03-08-2005 10:58:21 AM
quote:
The logic train ran off the tracks when Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael said:
I don't actually wish to play cricket, nor do I wish to watch it. I simply want to be prepared for when the...undead...rise up against me. I just want a Cricket Bat.

... No you don't. You want it for other uses.

Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael
I posted in a title changing thread.
posted 03-08-2005 11:14:01 AM
Well...yeah it's a multi-function tool.
Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me

BetaTested
Not gay, but loves the cock!
posted 03-08-2005 01:58:06 PM
What about a chain saw? Ash made that work pretty well for him.

Got Xfire? Join me in the crusade to knock WoW from it's lofty #1 most played Xfire game with Solitare!
Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 03-08-2005 02:04:38 PM
quote:
BetaTested had this to say about Knight Rider:
What about a chain saw? Ash made that work pretty well for him.

Slow - They can weight a good bit and it takes a while to cut through a human limb or head. By that time, other zombies will be all over you.
Ammo - Most chainsaws run on gas. You'll run out of it eventually and will have to either have a tank of gas ready with you or can reach a gas station without a ton of zombies following you and attacking while you refuel. For the electric variety of chainsaw, you have a limited range of movement.

Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
-Yuri-
Pancake
posted 03-08-2005 02:10:27 PM
quote:
System.out.println("Katrinity said this:");
Slow - They can weight a good bit and it takes a while to cut through a human limb or head. By that time, other zombies will be all over you.
Ammo - Most chainsaws run on gas. You'll run out of it eventually and will have to either have a tank of gas ready with you or can reach a gas station without a ton of zombies following you and attacking while you refuel. For the electric variety of chainsaw, you have a limited range of movement.

You have put far too much thought into this. Planning something?

Demos
Pancake
posted 03-08-2005 02:11:56 PM
He wants to take over a school with the hordes of the damned, but doesn't want the FBI to find out.
"Jesus saves, Buddha enlightens, Cthulhu thinks you'll make a nice sandwich."
Sean
posted 03-08-2005 02:12:50 PM
quote:
-Yuri- attempted to be funny by writing:
You have put far too much thought into this. Planning something?

Sir, you clearly underestimate the threat of zombie invasion we face on a daily basis.

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 03-08-2005 02:13:14 PM
quote:
-Yuri- had this to say about Pirotess:
You have put far too much thought into this. Planning something?

I like to plan out contigency plans should any of the really 'BAD' stuff ever go down on Earth. ;P

Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
-Yuri-
Pancake
posted 03-08-2005 02:18:29 PM
quote:
System.out.println("Katrinity said this:");
I like to plan out contigency plans should any of the really 'BAD' stuff ever go down on Earth. ;P

And your plan if the milk supply ever runs short? What would we do? Eat cookies WITHOUT milk?!

Zaile Ghostmaker
You've gotta remember, I'm an EverQuest character.
posted 03-08-2005 02:21:57 PM
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and -Yuri- was all like:
And your plan if the milk supply ever runs short? What would we do? Eat cookies WITHOUT milk?!

If she runs out of milk, she'll just switch to chocolate milk. Duh.

I find that most problems can be solved by excessive violence.

It is held in thought
only by the understanding
of the Wind.

Blindy.
Suicide (Also: Gay.)
posted 03-08-2005 02:23:23 PM
quote:
Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
1. Limited Ammo

It doubles as a club and then you're in the same position you would be in with a cricket bat.

quote:

2. Draws attention to yourself


They're ZOMBIES.

quote:

3. buckshot is your friend, otherwise you're going to be trying to put a solid shell through a target's head, because anywhere else and it'll blow right through.


Agree

quote:

4. Best as a backup weapon.
5. Running still your primary option.

I'd see it as superior to the cricket bat in both these cases. You don't have to wait until they are within biting distance to attack, and it's not large to the point where you can't run with it.

Mortious
Gluttonous Overlard
posted 03-08-2005 02:28:17 PM
quote:
A sleep deprived Katrinity stammered:
I like to plan out contigency plans should any of the really 'BAD' stuff ever go down on Earth. ;P

So what's your plan for when I enslave humanity?

Dr. Gee
Say it Loud, Say it Plowed!
posted 03-08-2005 02:47:53 PM
She hires me to go to your apartment and break down your door with a morningstar screaming something about, "Holy vengence comes to smite thee foul fetid fiend!"

Which is cool because alliteration is awsome.

Ozimander
$$$$$$$$$$$
posted 03-08-2005 02:57:21 PM
Hey kids, keeping distance is your friend.

Primary weapon would be a rifle or shotgun.

Your secondary should be a pistol and THEN a melee weapon. Distance is your friend, rather then going toe to toe with an entire Brute Squad of the fuckers.

Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 03-08-2005 02:59:18 PM
The perfect T-Shirt for Deth from GU-Comics: Attention Zombies - Eat me!
Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 03-08-2005 02:59:22 PM
quote:
How.... Ozimander.... uughhhhhh:
Hey kids, keeping distance is your friend.

Primary weapon would be a rifle or shotgun.

Your secondary should be a pistol and THEN a melee weapon. Distance is your friend, rather then going toe to toe with an entire Brute Squad of the fuckers.


Well, not when stealth is an issue. A gunshot will alert a whole neighborhood of zombies to your presence.

I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Sean
posted 03-08-2005 03:01:14 PM
quote:
So quoth JooJooFlop:
Well, not when stealth is an issue.

I still wouldn't want a baseball or cricket bat, nor a machete. In the instance I have to go toe to toe with a zombie I want a pitchfork, or similar polearm.

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 03-08-2005 03:02:39 PM
quote:
Sean attempted to be funny by writing:
I still wouldn't want a baseball or cricket bat, nor a machete. In the instance I have to go toe to toe with a zombie I want a pitchfork, or similar polearm.

Scythe is your friend in this instance. And you can always tell yourself as you cut down possible loved ones/friends/neighbors that you're only harvesting a field of wheat!

Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
Sean
posted 03-08-2005 03:05:50 PM
Still no. A scythe is something you have to swing, like the aforementioned closer range weapons. If you have to swing, you open yourself to a rush from another attacker. Not to mention you're fucked if you lose your grip in a swing and the scythe goes flying.

With a pitchfork you could - conceivably - keep as many zombies at bay as you can keep in front of you. Have you ever seen a zombie wrestle a weapon away from someone intentionally? Neither have I.

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 03-08-2005 03:11:17 PM
quote:
Sean had this to say about Punky Brewster:
I still wouldn't want a baseball or cricket bat, nor a machete. In the instance I have to go toe to toe with a zombie I want a pitchfork, or similar polearm.

Well, the problem with that is it could be very clumsy to use indoors and if it's fairly hefty you'll tire faster than someone with, say, a claw hammer.

I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Zaile Ghostmaker
You've gotta remember, I'm an EverQuest character.
posted 03-08-2005 03:12:17 PM
What you need are babies. (Or, if you have moral issues with that, very realistic baby dolls.)

When the zombies close in, throw one. They'll stop to eat it, and you'll have time to run. They're also useful for luring large mobs of zombies into places you've rigged to explode, taking out large numbers of them at once.

As for weapons, I suggest a cap gun. Zombies are stupid, and will think they've been shot.

I find that most problems can be solved by excessive violence.

It is held in thought
only by the understanding
of the Wind.

Sean
posted 03-08-2005 03:14:45 PM
quote:
This insanity brought to you by JooJooFlop:
Well, the problem with that is it could be very clumsy to use indoors and if it's fairly hefty you'll tire faster than someone with, say, a claw hammer.

Ideally you're not going to be swinging it around, or doing any lifting. You'd just be poking, prodding and pushing - like some bizarre video game physics puzzle - to keep your attackers out of arm's length.

You simply aren't going to kill a zombie invasion single-handedly, no matter what you're armed with. Survival and evasion.

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

Damnati
Filthy
posted 03-08-2005 03:19:02 PM
quote:
Sean had this to say about Tron:
Ideally you're not going to be swinging it around, or doing any lifting. You'd just be poking, prodding and pushing - like some bizarre video game physics puzzle - to keep your attackers out of arm's length.

You simply aren't going to kill a zombie invasion single-handedly, no matter what you're armed with. Survival and evasion.


I'd go for a naginata. You can do all sorts of stabbing and pushing with such, but you can also slash, if need be, and they're not too heavy. Nothing quite like 6-8 feet of stick with a foot and half of blade on the end.

Love is hard, harder than steel and thrice as cruel. It is as inexorable as the tides and life and death alike follow in its wake. -Phèdre nó Delaunay, Kushiel's Chosen

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

Sean
posted 03-08-2005 03:20:12 PM
quote:
Kuroi Madoushi had this to say about Cuba:
I'd go for a naginata. You can do all sorts of stabbing and pushing with such, but you can also slash, if need be, and they're not too heavy. Nothing quite like 6-8 feet of stick with a foot and half of blade on the end.

Who the fuck has a combat-worthy naginata in any place where a zombie infestation is remotely plausible? That's just silly.

I have three pitchforks of various lengths and weights.

Sean fucked around with this message on 03-08-2005 at 03:20 PM.

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

Damnati
Filthy
posted 03-08-2005 03:25:59 PM
quote:
How.... Sean.... uughhhhhh:
Who the fuck has a combat-worthy naginata in any place where a zombie infestation is remotely plausible? That's just silly.

I have three pitchforks of various lengths and weights.


I dunno. There's a shop not too far from where I live where I could probably get one or have one made. If we're talking just what's around the house...hrm, I have a hoe, a couple of shovels, and a large dog statue. Also a windmill, there will be no undead incursions on my property.

Love is hard, harder than steel and thrice as cruel. It is as inexorable as the tides and life and death alike follow in its wake. -Phèdre nó Delaunay, Kushiel's Chosen

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

Sean
posted 03-08-2005 03:27:19 PM
Unless those shovels are sharp as nails, you're fucked.
A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 03-08-2005 03:28:36 PM
quote:
Sean had this to say about Punky Brewster:
Unless those shovels are sharp as nails, you're fucked.

Well, you can sharpen a shovel edge. Ever see Cemetary Man?

I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Sean
posted 03-08-2005 03:47:33 PM
quote:
JooJooFlop wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
Well, you can sharpen a shovel edge. Ever see Cemetary Man?

But can Maho?

A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

Addy
posted 03-08-2005 03:54:05 PM
...

Palador ChibiDragon
Dismembered
posted 03-08-2005 03:56:05 PM
quote:
Sean had this to say about Tron:
Who the fuck has a combat-worthy naginata in any place where a zombie infestation is remotely plausible? That's just silly.

Fasten a machete to a good pole and you're close enough.

I believe in the existance of magic, not because I have seen proof of its existance, but because I refuse to live in a world where it does not exist.
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