I dunno, I'll draw it all up later...
Anyways, for right now, I'll need the following...
-A High Priest (must be manipulative and greedy)
-Sycophants (must also be manipulative and greedy)
-Blind, Gullible Masses
-Some insane architecht to build a dungeon to torture heretics (spiky, spinny and lashy things are preferred)
-A dungeon master (must be sadistic, weird; fat, butcher-like is preferred)
-Temple Maidens (lots)
-A near-insane High Priestess (must be vaguely erotic and have a fascination with bleeding)
-A secret cult of enforcers to hunt down those who would dare defy us
-An opposition of rebel heretics
-A good plot
Any applicants?
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
How.... Karnaj.... uughhhhhh:
High priest. No one's more manipulative and greedy than an atheist.
You're dishonest, disingenuous and the like. But how do I know you'll defile my maidens, steal from the treasuries, but still have enough sense to be enough of a sycophant to avoid wrath?
quote:
This insanity brought to you by Karnaj:
High priest. No one's more manipulative and greedy than an atheist.
You apparently have never met any big church baptists.
Edit: Sycophant, btw. I'm too lazy to deal with the responsibilities of high priest. Maho fucked around with this message on 11-19-2004 at 06:47 PM.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
quote:
Mr. Parcelan still thinks SARS jokes are topical, as evidenced by:
You're dishonest, disingenuous and the like. But how do I know you'll defile my maidens, steal from the treasuries, but still have enough sense to be enough of a sycophant to avoid wrath?
Because there's no reason for me to screw up a good thing (the aforementioned defiling and stealing). Besides, I'll cut you in for 15% of all my kickbacks.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
Verily, Karnaj doth proclaim:
Because there's no reason for me to screw up a good thing (the aforementioned defiling and stealing). Besides, I'll cut you in for 15% of all my kickbacks.
We'll give you a call, but we like the look of your resume.
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Mortious was all like:
I believe I fit Dungeon Master quite well.
Please describe your typical torture routine for the following:
-A heretic
-A high-ranking heretic
-A clean heretic
-A temple maiden who defied the priests
-Maradon
quote:
Mr. Parcelan obviously shouldn't have said:
Please describe your typical torture routine for the following:
-A heretic
-A high-ranking heretic
-A clean heretic
-A temple maiden who defied the priests
-Maradon
-Anal sex
-Anal sex
-Anal sex
-Anal sex
-Plushies
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
quote:
And now, we sprinkle Mr. Parcelan liberally with Old Spice!
We'll give you a call, but we like the look of your resume.
20%, and I'll throw a virgin a month your way.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
Karnaj obviously shouldn't have said:
20%, and I'll throw a virgin a month your way.
Get yourself some fancy duds and you're in.
But I keep getting captured by you a lot. Maybe I should become a rebel heretic.
quote:
Azakias had this to say:
I have a fascination with bleeding...
Mortious stuffs Azakias into a jar lined with spikes on the inside.
quote:
Mr. Parcelan had this to say about (_|_):
-A secret cult of enforcers to hunt down those who would dare defy us
This sounds like it's right up my alley. The same alley, coincidentally, that subversive elements will be dragged into and expeditiously terminated. It'll be garrote-rrific!
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Bajah was all like:
I would like to apply for the architect position.
And can you provide us with references of previously constructed tombs of horrors?
quote:
A near-insane High Priestess (must be vaguely erotic and have a fascination with bleeding)
Hmm.. does your religion come with any benefits? Will I get my own planet of nubile young slaves ready to be fed to my demon horde? I do have to keep them happy in order to control them, they are such a naughty bunch of slavering fiends.
quote:This is what Mr. Parcelan is doing. This is what I want Mr. Parcelan to do
:
And can you provide us with references of previously constructed tombs of horrors?
Unfortunately, I cannot without revealing their existance and then, therefore, breaching contract with previous employers, as they are still in use. Allow me to state they are all still fully functional with very little required maintenance and no complaints. If and when any of them become public knowledge or perhaps defunct (which I do not foresee happening), then I would gladly inform you of my work therein.
quote:
Mr. Parcelan attempted to be funny by writing:
A dungeon master (must be sadistic, weird; fat, butcher-like is preferred)
Well, I'm three for four. Mort is only sadistic and weird.
I'll butcher prisoners and feed their meat to the other prisoners. 
Edit: Well, I guess that would qualify me for sadistic as well. Four for four! JooJooFlop fucked around with this message on 11-19-2004 at 08:30 PM.
This religion lacks a polar opposite.
Proof that this is not a religion, but just your run-of-the-mill perverse cult lead by an egomanical bastard who's just in it for the poon. 
quote:
Mr. Parcelan attempted to be funny by writing:
-An opposition of rebel heretics
I'll rebel against anything even remotely religious.
Of course, I won't always make sandwiches. Sometimes burgers, sometimes fajitas, pretty much anything that contains meat and flour. If you're wondering what I do with the organs, let's just say the notion of being thrown into a giant pit of rotting innards has you thinking holy thoughts lickety split.
quote:
Ares enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
What about a high artist to record all of your legends?
Oh, I don't think this is gonna leave the people's collective conciousness for quite some time.
quote:
Addy enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
I want to be a REBEL!
quote:
From the book of Mooj, chapter 3, verse 16:
I'm here to apply for the enforcer position. I'd give you references, but they're all... In Bermuda. Yeah. Bermuda.
Somewhere around the... bottom.. of the Triangle?
quote:
Addy had this to say:
I want to be a REBEL!
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
quote:
From the book of Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael, chapter 3, verse 16:
Damn...I was going to apply for architect...
You can be my assistent in the dungeon. You'll be in charge of the condiments.
Down with the Man.
