Now, hope that grabbed your attention.
I've been dating this girl (artsy person, big in to drama and like...woah, modern art. Smokes a bit, drinks a bit) for about two weeks now. I have known her for almost five, six years now. We were making out at a cast party for this play we were in. She ran off to ask the hostess if we could use a room. I went with her. We fucked. Then I dumped her.
That's the abridged version. Now, I noticed there isn't a flame take anymore, or at least as far as I can tell but if you want to flame the shit out of me, just PM me or e-mail me or take your chances here.
This is what happened, from the moment after coitus till I went to sleep. I finished (and allow me to state I didn't enjoy it. The process...did not please me. Sure, I came but...it didn't make me feel anything good. Only poor). She wanted to spoon so I oblidged because that is how I operate. She seemed content but I just stared at the floral pattern on the wall paper, feeling nothing. Not even sad really, just nothing except this kind of empty hollow feeling. I kept suggesting we get back to the party. About the third time, she got fed up and got dressed. So I went down and told my buzzed pal of mine, that indeed I had just had sex and I did not enjoy it. Of course I was laughing but this is my reaction to situations in which I am upset/sad/angry. Nervous laughter. So we chatted and she eventually came around sitting in my lap and such and I guess I seemed greatly upset. I tried to explain how we didn't match and that I didn't enjoy the sex. That we were too different and that I didn't enjoy anything.
She didn't seem to take ahold of it at first and when she did she was not pleased. We ended up finding a bed as she was tired and I tried to tell her I was sorry and that I wish I had figured with out sooner and that I still wanted to be friends. I told her that I don't like how she deals with intimacy. She likes public displays of affection and such and I do not. I hate it. I like privacy and I like being alone and she doesn't. She wouldn't accept it. I apologized for it all. She asked me to stay next to her till she fell asleep. The conversation got heated. I asked what I could do, if anything to help and she told me she wanted to get off and guided my hand to her sex and fairly forcefully directed me to finger her. I didn't dare say no because I didn't know what she'd do. I figured if I did she'd maybe consider me a friend again and just let the whole night disappear. She kissed me and it tasted so bad. I felt sick and I wanted to leave but again, not knowing what she'd do I stayed. I left and went down to try and wake my friend. I found out if you talk loud enough he responds in his sleep. This made me laugh and I felt better and I figured all was done. She dragged me back to the bed and told me to go to bed and sleep beside her this night. So I did.
I woke up before her and the next day I talked to her a bit but after that, by breakfast, I couldn't even look at her.
I'm sure I've left something out towards the end in terms of what she said. Nothing crucial though.
Anyhow, she now hates me and intends to never speak to me again. Some of me feels this is justified but most is either angry or sad.
Please excuse any typos. If there are any questions ask, otherwise:
Advice?
Opinions?
Just general comments? Thank you in advance.
Do you think bach loved the piano the first time he touched it?
Do you think michaelangelo fell in love with stone as soon as he felt cold marble in his hands?
The first fuck sucks. It's a fact of life. You're a retard for breaking up with her, by the way. Quality women are hard to find and chances are, you've just screwed her ego up for the next 5 years. Good job.
It happens. Oh well. No worries.
Sorry but you screwed up. You probably messed up the girls ego a lot not to mention you seem to have reacted more out of guilt than anything else.
I'm sorry it happened the way that it did, Oz. I don't have advice, really. The only thing that you can do now is stick it out, really. At least...in my experience.
I don't really know what else to say, so, yeah.
And no, she's a super confident liberal art person, she couldn't care less about me. She just hates me is all.
EDIT: And is refusing to speak to me on the matter. Ozimander fucked around with this message on 11-08-2004 at 09:26 PM.
quote:
Ozimander was listening to Cher while typing:
She ran off to ask the hostess if we could use a room. I went with her. We fucked. Then I dumped her.
the way god intended it to be 
quote:
Ozimander thought about the meaning of life:
And no, she's a super confident liberal art person, she couldn't care less about me. She just hates me is all.
While I certianly yield to the fact that you are much closer to the situation than I am, I doubt that very much.
quote:
Ozimander and Lashanna, sittin' in a tree:
I haven't really enjoyed being with her, actually. We attempted to date a year ago and that went sour as I felt uncomfortable around her. I figured it was just me but I get upset when she goes to kiss me or anything.
I've had a female friend with the same relationship, oz. She dug me, I didn't dig her all that much. We had sex, and I decided it (the relationship) was something I couldn't do. I realized a few years later that it was just my feelings of inadequicy that lead me to distrust her constant comming on to me, the attention she gave me, and the way she tried everything to get with me, rather than any personality conflicts or whatnot. If I had given her the chance, I have no doubt now that I could have been happy. I had a girl that was 100% faithful, 100% commited, and 100% into me, and I turned it down because it felt wrong.
She pretty much reacted the same way, acted like it was no big deal. We grew apart when I started dating Susie a few weeks after this all happened, and about 3 months later, as I heard through a friend, she tried to take her life. She failed because she vomited up the pills, but I can't discribe to you how shitty this made me feel. I don't think this was entirely my fault, and under guidance from a professional I didn't attempt to contact her to make amends, so I never really found out. But I'll be living with this for the rest of my life. Blindy. fucked around with this message on 11-08-2004 at 09:34 PM.
Was it her first time? For her to pull the whole key thing... it probably wasn't... she sounds kinda skanky to me 
CHECK FOR STDs!
Anyways. Give her time. Everyone heals with time. If you weren't enjoying her company, it was your fault to go through with the deed, but you did, and now you lost a good friend, probably forever.
You both lost something. You lost her friendship, and she lost her tolerance for you (and her ego... ouch dude).
quote:
Suddar wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
Blindy, the fact is, if it feels wrong it feels wrong. It wouldn't have worked out.
Perhaps, but drunken at a party and 10 minutes after the fact is not the time nor the place to tell her that.
quote:
How.... Suddar.... uughhhhhh:
Wait, when he says it makes a difference? How do you figure that?
10 minutes after the fact and she will think he either just used her for sex (in this case, the better of the two options) or she was so bad that she completely turned him off.
put yourself in her shoes. You just had sex with a girl you like. Then she's like "Well that sucked. I don't ever want to do that again. I hope we can still be friends"
What would you think? And "I'd just be happy that I got to put mr turtle in a mole hole" is not the right answer. Blindy. fucked around with this message on 11-08-2004 at 09:47 PM.
quote:
Blindy. attempted to be funny by writing:
10 minutes after the fact and she will think he either just used her for sex (in this case, the better of the two options) or she was so bad that she completely turned her off.put yourself in her shoes. You just had sex with a girl you like. Then she's like "Well that sucked. I don't ever want to do that again. I hope we can still be friends"
What would you think? And "I'd just be happy that I got to put mr turtle in a mole hole" is not the right answer.
I'd think "Shit, guess I need some practice."
quote:
Suddar had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
Wait, when he says it makes a difference? How do you figure that?
There are things that need to be said... but god... timing plays a MAJOR part in it.
Getting up in the middle of a fuck, saying "I'm bored, I'm gonna go watch TV" isn't the best thing in the world for a woman to hear. And I know the guy who said it (thank god I'm not him). Getting through humping some broad and then going to sleep and snoring I think would be better received than telling her that you didn't enjoy the screw.
quote:
Delphi Aegis obviously shouldn't have said:
I'd think "Shit, guess I need some practice."
jackass. 
quote:
Ozimander had this to say about Duck Tales:
It wasn't 10 minutes after the fact and I didn't say anything mid-coitus about being bored. I didn't even mention the topic of how I felt, I just suggested we go back down to the party. And I didn't dump her just by sayin' "Oops, done with you." I explained how I felt about the situation and why I thought it was a poor choice on my part to have done that and that I'm not even all that good. I tried to be gentle about the way I said it rather then painfully blunt or anything. It was a few hours later that I brought the topic up.
The fact that it was the same night really is what I was getting at. 10 minutes or 10 hours doesn't change a thing. You should have waited at the very very least a week. A month would have been more acceptable.
And reguardless of how well you put it, the fact of the matter is, you told her that the sex sucked. She is going to either take it in stride, which is unlikely for any person that hasn't had a decade of relationship expirenance under their belt, or she is going to become somewhat unstable about this, which could lead to establishing a pattern of screwing every guy that shows interest, like my best friend that I was talking about earlier. Now this girl had daddy issues so she already had rejection problems, but her first couple of sexual encounters were pretty much what you did this other girl, so she established a mental wall between sex an emotion, and she screws at the drop of a hat. Blindy. fucked around with this message on 11-08-2004 at 10:43 PM.
But it also makes sense that regardless of how politely I put it, it's still harsh.
what you did was bad-ass
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
Shit happens, then you die. Live with it.
Oh, and as a rule of thumb for future relationships- once sexual activity has been established, if you go for what you would consider an extended period of time without sex (I usually say a month), and not simply because circumstances didn't work out, you're either married or the relationship is not healthy. Or maybe both. Healthy relationship means sex. Sex doesn't mean healthy relationship though, as you've discovered. See, sex has the potential to be one of the most direct and amazing methods of communication you will ever experience. Not always with the other person, but also with your own inner self and your feelings about who you're with. It could also just be mutual masturbation. But sex and the way you feel about it with your partner can be easily taken as an allegory for the whole relationship, and it would not be a wasted exercise.
Same thing happened to you, only it was that she was a skank, and you were reluctant. You really just need to wait until both people are ready.
Lastly, in the future, if a relationship isn't going well, don't break it off, slowly become a jackass and let her dump you. Start making sexist jokes to her mom, forgetting dates, flirting with her best friend...
No, Really. Bite me.
Pop an anti-depressant.
quote:
How.... Ozimander.... uughhhhhh:
What do you mean freaking out over nothing! Everyone here has stated otherwise. She hates me because of this and I don't particularly disagree with her for that. How is it nothing?
well, you've said it yourself, you two never really clicked. I know that this will sound harsh, but she'll get over it. Move on, and so will she.
No, Really. Bite me.
quote:
Ozimander thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
What do you mean freaking out over nothing! Everyone here has stated otherwise. She hates me because of this and I don't particularly disagree with her for that. How is it nothing?
No they haven't. From the first reply people have been telling you that shit like this happens to everyone.
Will you relax already.
quote:
Ozimander had this to say:
Meh...I guess you're right. I won't do me good to soil myself over it anyhow.
Oh, I wouldn't say that. It would give us a reason to point in your direction and have a hearty chuckle.
Sucks both ways... try to stay somewhere near the middle.. 
quote:
A sleep deprived Random Insanity Generator stammered:
If you become an unfeeling bastard you'll be old and alone.
... *sniffle*
quote:
Mortious obviously shouldn't have said:
... *sniffle*
It's alright, I'll always love you. *soils himself so you can point in his direction and enjoy a hearty laugh*
quote:
This one time, at Ozimander camp:
It's alright, I'll always love you. *soils himself so you can point in his direction and enjoy a hearty laugh*
Ever thought you might love the cock?
You kept leaving the girl to go find your friend, who happened to be a guy. Looks like a cock-seeking missile to me.
quote:
This one time, at Mortious camp:
Ever thought you might love the cock?
Hi Ozi!
quote:
Burger stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
I'm with blindy here, sex can be wonderful, as long as you are both on the same wavelength. If you both think of it as just fun and mutual masturbation (some woman you met in a bar that night) then it's fun, and if you both think it's something deeply emotional, romantic, and an expression of what you feel for eachother, then it's wonderful, but having one person thinking one thing, and the other the other, not so good.Same thing happened to you, only it was that she was a skank, and you were reluctant. You really just need to wait until both people are ready.
Lastly, in the future, if a relationship isn't going well, don't break it off, slowly become a jackass and let her dump you. Start making sexist jokes to her mom, forgetting dates, flirting with her best friend...
Werd dawg. My first time blew chunks, but eh, there's nothing you can do about it. It never got better with her, because she never got into it. It was a bad relationship to begin with, and got worse after we started having sex.
Now I have a fiance. I love her very much. Sometimes we make love, sometimes we just fuck. Either way, we have to be in tune with eachother about how we want to go about it, otherwise it doesn't always come out feeling that wonderful afterwards.
Even just tonight, I willingly refused sex with my fiance. Not because I don't love her, or because she did something wrong or anything like that. I just wasn't in the mood for it.
Live and learn I guess.
