However, one day, an evil plague fell over the land. A plague that suddenly caused people with an opinion regarding politics or grammar to turn to stone in embarrassing poses.
"'Tis the evil Warlock Bloodsage!" cried Skaw as an epiphany dawned on him whilst he was scratching himself in an indecent place. No sooner had the words escaped his lips than he turned to STONE!
Concerned, Minister Gydyon called the boldest knight in the land to his aid: Sir Snoota! Riding atop his pot-bellied pig and wielding his magic lance: Nem-xicus, he came before the King and Minister and made several gay jokes about them. We all had a good laugh, but the Minister had dire news.
"Sir Snoota," he said, "the Warlock Bloodsage has cast this evil o'er our peopleses! Can you help us?"
"Fear not, my beardless friend!" proclaimed the bold Sir Snoota. "For I shall defeat this Warlock and rid the land of this plague! Pot-bellied pig, away!"
With a spur and a squeal, Sir Snoota rode from the castle and down the dirt road that snaked through the land to Bloodsage's Mountain of Doom. However, no sooner had he taken a few strides from the castle that he found himself at a quandry...
The road forked into two different directions! With his handy Rand McNally Atlas, Snoota was able to discern that one road lead to the Swamps of Sorrow, home to the Woeful Wailers. The other road lead through the Forest of the Manticore, where the evil...Manticore dwelled.
Snoota stopped, furrowed his brow, stroked his pig, and thought...
You choose the adventure!
Press "1" if you think Snoota should go to the Swamps of Sorrow!
Press "2" if you think he should ride to the Forest of the Manticore!
Honk if you're horny, then make a selection.
quote:
Razor obviously shouldn't have said:
*presses 1*
*2*
EDIT: Work, damned smiley! [ 12-28-2003: Message edited by: Sentow, Maybe ]
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1.
quote:
Jajahotep's fortune cookie read:
presses 2
"Where are the birds chirping? The squirrels having sex? Why, this is not a forest at all!" he proclaimed, his voice echoing off of the trees.
Suddenly, a small, gangly creature with green skin, black, greasy hair and too much mascara hopped up onto a rock and emitted a hiss. 'Twas a goblin! And a depressed one, by the looks of it.
"Beware," the goblin hissed, "Nicole the Goblin bids you beware, sir knight! This forest has been occupied by the fierce Maradonicore! His voice drives people mad! His eyes burn with fury! He-GHURK!"
Sir Snoota was not attentive, but he was bloodthirsty. He ran the Goblin through with his lance before she finished and dashed the skewered corpse against a nearby rock.
"Well, that satiated my bloodlust," he said, "but I wonder if perhaps I was hasty in dispatching her. What could she have been trying to tell me?"
Suddenly, a lithe and limber elf woman leapt down from the branches. Lean of figure, pure of heart, and scant of clothing, she held up a hand against the good knight.
"Turn back, Knight!" she cried. "I am Lashanna the Swift, and I bid you to turn away! The Warlock Bloodsage has captured my kinsmen and put a spell on this forest! Do not force me to use my charm on you!"
Ha! What a foolish elf! Sir Snoota could not be affected by such feminine wiles! He lost his temptations, and his penis, in a bloody war long ago. He leveled his lance at the elf and prepared to charge, when suddenly...a booming roar echoed in the distance.
"READ....MY....EROTIC....FANFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!"
"The Maradonicore! He comes!" Lashanna gasped.
What should Snoota and Lashanna do?
Press "1" if they should fight the Maradonicore!
Press "2" if they should run!
Press "3" if they should hide!
quote:
When the babel fish was in place, it was apparent Razor said:
*presses 1*
And wheres the horny sex option? 
when am i gonna be in the story??!
Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop
quote:
Lady Delirium had this to say about Cuba:
1when am i gonna be in the story??!
When Bloodsage locates the apples of the Hesperides.
"Bah, I fear nothing! Man, beast, or manticore!" Sir Snoota bellowed, clanging Nem-xicus against his breastplate.
"You are mistaken, good knight," Lashanna said. "The Maradonicore is no mere manticore! He is...beware! Here he comes! Quickly, sir knight, if you value your life, you will hide!"
"Silly woman," the knight laughed, "just because you wear a leather bikini you think you know everything! Let this beast meet his match in Sir Snoota!"
The forest went dead silent as the elf hid behind the rock. The only sound was the distant sound of trees falling under tremendous pressure as something approached...closer...and closer, until the sound of branches snapping was joined with a ferocious growling.
The growling continued to grow in volume and power until finally a tremendous roar shook the forest and something leapt from the underbrush! Something small and fuzzy and not really what Sir Snoota was expecting at all. A tiny manticore cub roared and shook his blunt tail in fury.
"I am the great manticore: CBTao!" mewled the cub. "I drink lots and it is said I sleep with women! Fear me!"
"Bah! More nonsense from elves," Sir Snoota scoffed as he gave CBTao a smack with his lance and sent the creature scurrying for cover. "Is this what you fear so much?"
"No, sir knight," Lashanna said from behind her rock, "what we fear is behind you."
It was then that Sir Snoota became aware of a heavy breathing behind him. He turned around and boldly wet his greaves at the slavering maw of the Maradonicore looming over him. The great beast roared, sending a vile wave of fetid breath roiling over Snoota, and stamped his mighty paws as he bellowed:
"PREPARE TO BE FISTED!"
Sir Snoota and his pig both squealed simultaneously. Snatching up Lashanna the Swift and throwing her over his pig (he was not about to leave empty-handed!) he spurred his pig to run out of the forest, the Maradonicore in hot pursuit...
1?
With a mighty squeal, Snoota's pot-bellied pig accelerated and sped off throught the forest, the Maradonicore hot on its hooves! Like greased lightning, the swine of speed tore through the underbrush and finally burst out of the edge of the forest like pink fury!
The Maradonicore scrambled out after it, roaring in an angry rage! As the pig sped along, however, the great beast realized he could never catch up to it. Panting, the Maradonicore went back to his forest and back to his precious, precious pornography.
Seeing the abomination slink back into his domain, Snoota bade his pig to halt. Lashanna hopped off of the steed swine and began to rant and rave.
"Incredible, sir knight! None have escaped the Maradonicore before!" she gushed. "Tell me, what is your quest?"
"I seek both hot dogs and to end the wickedness of the Warlock Bloodsage," he said, "unless you happen to have a barbecue on you, I hope you will join in me the latter."
"Indeed I shall," Lashanna replied, "for someday, though my bow may be swift and my clothes ill-fitting, I hope to banish evil from my homeland and-"
"Speak only when spoken to, wench!" Sir Snoota was old-fashioned, having grown up in the Crusades, and slapped Lashanna with his gauntlet. She immediately shut up, because nobody wanted to hear her talk about heroics anyways.
"Now, my pig is exhausted and needs rest," the knight said, "where is the nearest village?"
"The town of DelphiSucks is nearby, m'lord," Lashanna replied, pointing to a tiny cluster of houses in the distance. "It may be dark when we arrive, and thus leaving us prey to the hungry bands of Bajorcs." She pointed down a hill, to a gathering of covered wagons. "But what luck! A roving band of gypsies! Perhaps they will offer shelter and lesbian sex!"
Snoota pondered: lesbian sex was well and good for most people, but what he really wanted right now was a sausage. He furrowed his brow and thought...
Whence should the heroes go?
1: Verily! I sayeth to yon town of DelphiSucks! To engage in some DelphiSuckage!
2: Nay! To the gypsy encampment for dances, fires and lesbian sex!
3: Avast, ye swabs! Select this option if you're enjoying yourself, but then make a real selection.
?2
