Lord of the Things: The Two Showers - EverCrest Message Forums

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Crucible

Pancake

posted 03-14-2003 04:35:01 PM

[Voices are heard from the Mystiana Mountains.]

KARNALF: You shall not pass!

VORBO: Karnalf!

KARNALF: I'm the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arpee. The dark fire will not avail you! Flames of Bloodsage!

[We track in through the mountain and see Karnalf and the Kargramarog on the Bridge of Kazziza-dûm.]

KARNALF: Go back to the shadow! YUO.er YOU SHALL NOT... PASS!!!

[The demon turns and runs away, weeping tears of magma. Thinking he has won, Karnalf turns away only to have a sudden breeze blow the hat from his head. The Kagramarog turns to get it for him, only to trip and fall, breaking the bridge and taking Karnalf with him. Karnalf catches his arms on the edge of the bridge and gasps.]

WAISZTOMIR: [Holding Vorbo back.] No! Vorbo!

KARNALF: Vorbo! Fly you fools! Like I did with your mother last night!

[Karnalf loses his grip and falls into the chasm.]

VORBO: Nooooooooo! Now Ill never get to retort!

[Karnalf falls after the Kargramarog and grabs hold of his sword on his way down. As they continue to plunge into the depths, Karnalf and the Kargramarog clasp each other and perform a series of aeriel ballet maneuvers even as it crashes and bounces off the walls. They continue to plunge at great speed.]

KAGRAMAROG: DID YUO BIRINGE the PARECUHTS?!!1

[The falling pair then falls into an enormous cavern and plunges into the water. Just then Vorbo wakens from a dream.]

VORBO: Oooh, Karnalf!

[Vorbo leans upright and is facing away from Chalwise, who quickly takes his arm from around Vorbo and makes himself look concerned.]

CHALWISE: What is it Mr. Vorbo?

VORBO: Nothing. Just a dream. Just a. dream.

[Vorbo smiles inwardly as the scenes shift and soon we see the two hobbits, Vorbo and Chalwise, climbing over rocky terrain. They look into the distance at the Mountain of Fire.]

CHALWISE: Mordork. The one place in this world where we dont want to go and the one place were headed to. They might have minotaurs there, Mr. Vorbo. I really dont think Karnalf meant for us to go this way.

VORBO: He didn't mean for a lot of things to happen, Chal. But they did.

[Vorbo smiles inwardly again but suddenly he feels and spies the Eye zooming in on him. He gasps and pants as he backs away.]

CHALWISE: It's the ring isn't it? I can carry you and fan you when you need it and maybe some light petting. Thats a good pony.

[Chalwise begins moving his hips and slapping the air in front of him while standing behind Vorbo.]

VORBO: It's getting heavier. What food have we got left? I could really go for a cheeseburger and some crispy French freedom fries.

CHALWISE: Well, let me see. Oh yes, lovely. Ritz crackers. And look! More Ritz crackers. I don't usually hold to foreign food, but this Nabisco stuff is not bad.

[The two munch some crackers for a bit before continuing their trek through difficult terrain, often huddling underneath their cloaks. Scenes shift and they are walking onto an area of rock with an old campfire and a torn package or two.]

CHALWISE: This looks strangely familiar.

VORBO: [In frustration]: That's because we've been here before! All we did was walk offscreen and back on it again. Its a good thing Im getting laid so much with all these fans. I mean, its hard climbing rocks with big rubber feet. I blame clowns.. theyre responsible somehow!

CHALWISE: Ah! What's that 'orrid stink? I'll bet there's a nasty bog nearby. Can you smell it? It smells like old cheese and sweat.

VORBO: Yes I can smell it. We are not alone. Lets go to bed. I have a plan.

[Chal does a victory dance in the background and immediately begins setting up camp, humming happily. In a matter of moments, the two hobbits are suddenly sound asleep and we pan up to see a hunched, ugly, smelly, dirty, sparse-headed, freaky little creature scaling down the wall towards the snoozing pair.]

TERENUM: Those thieves! Those filthy little thieves! Wheeere isssit? Wheeere isssit? They stole it from us. My preciousssss. We will get them, we will! Filty little hobbitsessssss.

[Suddenly the hobbits spring up, grab hold of Terenums arms and pull him down. Amidst the struggle, Terenum wriggles loose and leaps onto Vorbo. As Vorbo falls back, the front of his shirt opens and Terenum jumps straight for him. Chalwise tries to grab at him but is knocked away. Terenum now jumps on top of Vorbo even as Vorbo grabs his hands and tries to push him away.]

VORBO: No means no! Ill scream rape!

[Terenums cheeks puff with exertion as he struggles with Vorbo, his huge eyes fixed on the Vorbos chest. Chalwise grabs hold of Terenum again and tears him away from Vorbo. Terenum then turns around and bites Chalwise on the shoulder, wriggles around and clasps his arms around Chalwises neck and legs around his waist in a death grip. Vorbo then unsheathes Sting and holds it to Terenum's throat.]

VORBO: This is Sting. You've seen it before, haven't you, Terenum! Release him or I'll cut your throat!

[Slowly, Terenum loosens his grip on Chalwise. Chal looks kinda pouty, as if he was enjoying the cuddle. Terenum wails. He is then tied at the neck with Chalwises elvish rope and half-dragged along even as he cries and wails.]

TERENUM: It burns! It burns us! Take it off! Take it all off!

CHALWISE: Quiet you! It's hopeless! Every Orc in Mordork will hear this racket! Let's tie him up and leave him tied up!

TERENUM: No! Thats will kill us, kill us! Wes will not fights back! We swear!

CHALWISE: It's nothing more than you deserve, even Karnalf would turn your ugly ass away and thats sayin a lot!

VORBO: Karnalf deserves a lot more, Chal! Now that I've seen Terenum, I do pity him. Maybe with the right makeover

TERENUM: [Begging]: We be nice to them, if they be nice to us. Take it off us. We swears to do what you wants. We swears! Anythings! Master wants massages?

VORBO: There is no promise you can make that I can massage?

CHALWISE: [Suddenly, Chalwise shouts out loudly]: Usurper! Get down! Get down!

[Chalwise jerks strongly at the rope as Terenum tries to get away and Terenum falls to the ground.]

VORBO: [In horror]: Chalwise!

CHALWISE: He was trying to trick us! We let him go, he'll throttle us in our sleep. And not in a good way!

TERENUM: We swears to serve the master of the precioussss. We swears on, on the precioussss! [coughing]terenum terenum

VORBO: My thing is treacherous. It will hold you to your word.

TERENUM: Yes... on the preciouss... on the preciousss.

VORBO: [To Terenum, almost as a statement rather than question]: You know the way to Mordork?

TERENUM: [Nodding warily]: Yes.

VORBO: You've been there before?

TERENUM: [Nodding again]: Yes.

VORBO: [Taking the rope off Terenum]: You will lead us to the Black Gate.

[Terenum looks up at Vorbo in wonder, amazed to have been shown such kindness and trust. He scrambles off quickly, the Hobbits hurrying on after him.]

TERENUM: [Nodding again]: Master gets many massages! Many yes yes!

CHALWISE: Third wheel.

[Chal kicks a rock and follows after Vorbo and Terenum, looking quite unhappy.]

[The Uruk-hai carry Keggy and Blindin over the fields of RPCrest.]

BLINDIN: Keggy! Keggy!

[We see that Keggy is unconscious, with large, nasty gash about his right brow long night with one of the orcs...]

[Suddenly, an Uruk-hai raises his hand, signalling for the group to stop.]

VORAGO THE URUK: What is it? What do you smell?

BETA THE URUK: I smell men! ^_^

BLINDIN: [To himself]: Ukkagorn!

VORAGO THE URUK: They've picked up our trail! Let's go!

[The Uruk-hai quicken their pace. Blindin struggles to reach his Elven brooch with his teeth. He then tears it off his cloak and drops it onto the ground. The Uruks don't notice the brooch, but some trample it, setting it more firmly into the soil.]

[Ukkagorn is lying with his eyes closed and ear pressed to the ground, listening for the sound of footsteps.]

UKKAGORN: There pase quickens. They must be smellhing our scent. I told you the wings & beer was a bad idea, Gydli.

FAEGOLAS: Come on Gydli! And stay downwind youre killin my keen elven senses.

GYDLI: Bastards. I told you that particular reciple gave me gas!
[The Three Hunters run across rocks and plains, with Ukkagorn in the lead, Faegolas and Gydli trailing behind. Ukkagorn suddenly bends down to pick up an Elven brooch from the ground.]

UKKAGORN: Stupid hobbits lose everything. I rather be painthing.

FAEGOLAS: They may yet be alive and theres no H in painting!

UKKAGORN: I am French Canadian and I cant spell we know this! Less than day ahead of us lets hurry!

FAEGOLAS: Come Gydli! We are gaining on them. Maybe well get there in time for me to show off more cool tricks!

GYDLI: [fan service] Natural sprinters! Dangerous over short distances!

[Gydli bows to the camera and waves to his fans, having delivered his line so very smoothly. He tips his tam and runs after Faegolas and Ukkagorn. The camera pans over the Orcs running across the plains, and then swings to the Three Hunters giving chase. The trackers come over a hill and pause as they gaze across the plains below.]

UKKAGORN: RPCrest, home of the horse-lords. There's something strange at work here, well, stranger than normal for these parts. Some evil gives speed to these creatures. Sets its will against us. Faegolas! What do your elf eyes see?

FAEGOLAS: The Uruks turn Northeast. They are taking the hobbits to #isengard!

UKKAGORN: Parcuman.

This first part is a little slow and probably not really all THAT funny, but it's the introduction and will be REALLY long... this just introduces some of the characters/names you'll see. The humor will really pick up in the coming parts... this was the hardest part to write just because their really isn't much going on So if you think this sucks, bear with me... if you like it, then I enjoy praise!