Also, dude, quit fighting reality and join in instead. There are two approaches you can take:

1. The Popeye route, where you consider yourself a constant and search the planet for the minute fraction of a percent of the population that has the same hangups you do or, even less likely, fetishes that mesh perfectly with your hangups.

2. Take charge of and responsibility for yourself by changing to fit in with the rest of the world and vastly improve your odds.

I think it's intuitively obvious to the most casual observer which is the better course of action. And no, you don't have to lose your identity in the process.

You mentioned, for example, that whole areas of human interaction are closed to you due to your weight. Interesting tidbit: getting in shape is not only free, but guaranteed cheaper than your current lifestyle and will fill some of the empty time, making your life seem less boring. This would be a great place to start, and will increase the odds of successful interactions once you have a job and can do the kinds of things you want because a) you'll have more self-confidence and b) people won't think you're so creepy.

Oh, and Azakius' idea isn't exactly stupid: there was a dude in the news recently who lost 140lb so he could join the Marines, so it's perfectly possible. And one must acknowledge that the military is a recession-proof career.

Now quit hoping someone will give you a silver bullet. Start making your life into what you want it to be.

When I use Word Viewer to look at the resume, it uses some horrible, ugly ass font. When I use Open Office, it uses a basic font.

Which font is the actual one? If it is the ugly ass font, go to something basic like Times New Roman. People looking at the resume aren't going to give a shit how fancy it looks, and if they have a hard time reading something in crazyfont, they'll toss it.

As for this:

quote:

---

OBJECTIVE:To obtain a position where I can utilize my skills and experience meanwhile assisting your company with growth.

---

If you HAVE to mention using your skills, I'd do it second. Say something like "Obtain a position where I can enhance your company's growth with my skills and abilities". No, that isn't perfect wording. But I'd think mentioning yourself first and company second may come across as iffy to someone who is picky about this.

Skills don't seem to be...shit, I can't think of the word. You have noun phrases like "Telephone Etiquette" but then you have verb phrases like "Reconciling accounts". I'd shift some of the verb phrases around to fit better. Stuff like "Invoice processes" or some shit like that.

And you still have too many damn bullet points under the Assistant Manager job. Plus, some of them sound 'off'. Stuff like "Manage all aspects of storage leases from signing to terminating leases" doesn't sound right -- you say all aspects, and then you say from signing to terminating. That doesn't seem to be too huge of a 'range' to have a from in there. I'm sure you did more than just managed signing and terminating of leases. If not, get rid of the 'all aspects' part.

Then there's "Prepare and update invoices for monthly dues
Collect monthly dues and apply to invoices". Those are two separate things, but the first seems to cover the second.

Basically, it feels to me like you're trying hard to fill an entire page and using self puffery BS that is going to easily be seen through. If you really feel a burning need to take up more space, be a little more creative with spacing and such, maybe bump the font size up one point (it won't be too noticeable but can buy you another line or two), stuff like that. But don't fill it up with self wankery that people will see through.

quote:

---

Vernaltemptress painfully thought these words up:
Stuff

---

Basically, listen to Vernal. She has more experience with this stuff than I do. I think your one right before the final was better than your final one.

Falaanla Marr fucked around with this message on 11-23-2008 at 10:55 AM.

Scale your words to the position--and level--you are competing for. If you're interviewing for a mailroom sorting job, don't make it sound like you're a CEO directly affecting the success or failure of the enterprise. "Objective: [Job Title], where my organizational skills will contribute to the success of the team," is a bit better.

Finally, lose the stilted bureaucratic vocabulary. There is almost never a good time to write "utilize" instead of "use." Save the complex circumlocutions for sounding smart on the intarweb and use vocabulary appropriate to the position for which you're applying. Who wants to work sorting mail beside someone whose goal is to, "Utilize my cross-functional teaming strategies to create holistic synergies to maintain an upward corporate vector," instead of, "Use my ability to get along with people to help the team succeed?"

If you're applying for entry-level positions, no one expects a Harvard resumé.

Become the most athletic human, become filthy rich, live forever, usher in an era of posthumanity, ascend to godhood, and find true love.

quote:

---

Steven Steve thought about the meaning of life:
The "objective" sounds kinda stupid to me, ha ha, as if it's your life long goal to have some teenage job or something. If I had an objective on my CV it would look like this:

Become the most athletic human, become filthy rich, live forever, usher in an era of posthumanity, ascend to godhood, and find true love.

---

I would hire this person.

"Yes but before he was a god, he worked at my Starbucks!"

Inferno-Spirit fucked around with this message on 11-23-2008 at 02:33 PM.

quote:

---

Bloodsage Model 2000 was programmed to say:
You mentioned, for example, that whole areas of human interaction are closed to you due to your weight. Interesting tidbit: getting in shape is not only free, but guaranteed cheaper than your current lifestyle and will fill some of the empty time, making your life seem less boring. This would be a great place to start, and will increase the odds of successful interactions once you have a job and can do the kinds of things you want because a) you'll have more self-confidence and b) people won't think you're so creepy.

---

I'm fat and still get all the bitches.

Life is good as a Las Vegas bouncer.

quote:

---

Greenlit had this to say about pies:
But how are your money handling skills, Steve?

---

I don't do shit with it besides put a small fraction into government bonds so empirically not that good probably

quote:

---

Quoth Bricktop:
I'm fat and still get all the bitches.

Life is good as a Las Vegas bouncer.

---

You weren't grossly obese a few years back when we met. Besides, it's all about being comfortable with yourself, which he's obviously not.

quote:

---

Bloodsage stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
You weren't grossly obese a few years back when we met. Besides, it's all about being comfortable with yourself, which he's obviously not.

---

I'm 6'2'' and 260 pounds.

PLEASANTLY PLUMP is probably a more correct descriptive term.

quote:

---

And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Steven Steve was all like:
But the bitches you get are most likely drunk/overweight Snoota, although I suppose I can't deny what you are saying here.

---

No and no.

But I work in a strip club so they do probably have the herpes.

quote:

---

Bricktop had this to say about pies:
I'm 6'2'' and 260 pounds.

PLEASANTLY PLUMP is probably a more correct descriptive term.

---

Huh, I'm two inches shorter and 10 pounds lighter than you but, in the last picture you posted, you seem to have quite a bit more belly than I do.

quote:

---

Damnati painfully thought these words up:
Huh, I'm two inches shorter and 10 pounds lighter than you but, in the last picture you posted, you seem to have quite a bit more belly than I do.

---

Were you checking me out, cutie pie?

quote:

---

This insanity brought to you by Greenlit:
I'm pretty sure you're the more out of shape of the two of you.

---

Punching people in the face is quite the work out.

quote:

---

Bricktop impressed everyone with:
Were you checking me out, cutie pie?

---

Hey boy, look mighty cute in them jeans.

quote:

---

So quoth Bricktop:
Punching people in the face is quite the work out.

---

Huff

puff

I know an amateur bodybuilder (http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=108733391) who used to be a bouncer and he accidentally knocked a guy into a coma once. Drugs were not involved*

quote:

---

Greenlit obviously shouldn't have said:
I have never seen a back like that before.

---

It looks like he has a giant tumor.

And from the front, he looks like one of those cartoon beach goers that kicks sand at the nerd and stole the girl.

Words like utilize and facilitate are resume-speak. Those words get used in 95% of the resumes I read, and they're more likely to get your resume made fun of than they are to get you hired.

Taeldian fucked around with this message on 11-26-2008 at 10:08 PM.