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Author
Topic: Ho ho ho!
Mr. Parcelan
posted 12-25-2007 12:00:50 AM
Merry Christmas, you fat, slovenly failures!

For this year's YULETIDE TREATS you may request one of five things from Parcelan!

1. Friendship
2. Apology
3. Condemnation
4. Absolution
5. Ignorance

However, just because you ask for something does not necessarily mean you will get it! You must place your heart upon the scales of Bajagon, weighed once, twice, thrice against a feather, a stone and a lump of gold. Should the weight of your sins be too much to bear, you will be BUMPED one category lower and get that, instead!

Choose wisely and Merry Christmas!

Tier
posted 12-25-2007 12:45:32 AM
three
Gadani
U
posted 12-25-2007 12:45:33 AM
Peace on Earth and goodwill towards all men.

That's what I want from you, faggot.

Mr. Gainsborough
posted 12-25-2007 12:46:08 AM
shoe on head
Razor
posted 12-25-2007 12:54:38 AM
4 if you would.
Astronomy is a passion...
Engineering is a love...
My job isn't a job, it's my career, and I love every minute of it: Observatory Superintendent
nem-x
posted 12-25-2007 12:59:40 AM
i think you owe me an apology
Trent
Smurfberry Moneyshot
posted 12-25-2007 01:11:31 AM
4
Dr. Gee
Say it Loud, Say it Plowed!
posted 12-25-2007 01:19:28 AM
Four sounds good.
Willias
Pancake
posted 12-25-2007 01:35:20 AM
Friendship. :D
Vorbis
Vend-A-Goat
posted 12-25-2007 02:12:58 AM
This Easter I'll be in Rome.


This Easter an old man in a funny red outfit is going to smack me across the face.


Merry Christmas brother.

Anakha's Wii
Pancake
posted 12-25-2007 03:43:42 AM
5 since no one asked for it yet
"From the depths of my parent's basement, thy has truly struck a blow for nonconformity."
Mightion Defensor
posted 12-25-2007 03:47:32 AM
I think I'll go for 4 if it's still in stock. If not, then 2.
Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 12-25-2007 04:51:40 AM
I'd like to have some of that hot absolution -- as my title.
~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
Pvednes
Lynched
posted 12-25-2007 05:29:56 AM
1!
Sakkra
Office Linebacker
posted 12-25-2007 07:26:42 AM
1d5 => 3
Suddar
posted 12-25-2007 07:37:17 AM
You've always been nice to me but for some reason we never really hit it off. So I choose 1. Let's be friends.
Norim Stumpfighter
Milkmaid
posted 12-25-2007 12:20:18 PM
i choose condemnation, *shrug*
Mooj
Scorned Fanboy
posted 12-25-2007 02:02:43 PM
I could always use some more ignorance...
Oreowned
My friends call me 'Wiggles'
posted 12-25-2007 02:05:53 PM
Ah what the hell, it's Christmas. I'll go for 1.
Emil
Hypersensitive; Beware of Hurt Feelings
posted 12-25-2007 08:06:21 PM
I need absolution, please show me the error of my ways! It is Christmas and I do love Pagan festivals!
From a worldly point of view, there is no mistake so great as that of being always right. – Samuel Butler
Demos
Pancake
posted 12-25-2007 11:57:17 PM
1d5 => 4
"Jesus saves, Buddha enlightens, Cthulhu thinks you'll make a nice sandwich."
LeMiere
posted 12-26-2007 01:18:33 AM
5 please.
Mr. Parcelan
posted 12-26-2007 02:09:43 AM
I am here...to lead you.

Tier is found unworthy of condemnation. Frankly, while I'll still bust out your transgender issues to make fun of you, it can't really be used as an indicator of any deviancy or social degeneration on your part. When people talk about the one black/gay/minority they like, they're talking about you. You're pretty genuine.

nem-x: I'm sorry you're not as cool as George Lopez. I wish I could help you more.

Trent: I've never really had a problem with you, so your absolution is probably not going to seem too overwhelming. Really, though, that's a compliment. As far as social rejects go, you're one of the better ones, letting no stereotype particularly dictate your attitude or way of life. You probably already knew that, though, so I cast you out to die in the wilds.

Dr. Gee: You are hereby absolved from being a weird fat kid for the greater part of your life. You've emerged to be largely alright, with a few excusable quirks. You've come far from the ugly loser who thought he was at all worth keeping alive because of his internet persona, so just keep going and hope it leads you to your rainbow.

Willias: You've always been a good friend, from the time I've known you to the time we played WoW together. You deserve this friendship and a piece of cake.

Mightion: This is a tricky response. I can't, in good consciense, absolve you of your sins; really, by 90% of the board's standards, you are rather loathsome. I imagine most of the people here see you as a creature not unlike a hobbit once, lowly and repulsive, though not inherently offensive. Lately, in fact, you make statements so dorky and nerdy that even Gains thinks you just like getting kicked around.

For those same reasons, I can't apologize to you, since you've never even once considered someone else's viewpoint to be at all right or even remotely bearing credence. Instead, when called on something, you just retreat further back into your cave and get even more defensive, making some retarded statement.

But you seem largely okay with these traits, so I offer you and you alone option 4a: Pity. The best anyone can hope for you is that you fade out quietly.

Tarquinn: You are hereby absolved of the sin of being German. Largely affable, regardless of nationality, you have earned the right to a new title. What do you desire?

Pvednes: Even if you are a raging atheist with a hard-on for Dawkins, you keep it to yourself and treat people with more religious respect than even I do! You have earned friendship well and gain a pot of curry for your woes.

Sakkra: You're unremarkable in every whey.

Suddar: We've been friends forever, but you pretend we're not, so WET WILLY FOR YOU.

Norim: Gee whiz, tex, don't act so nonchalant or you'll take the wind out of my sails! Maybe, just maybe, your lazy attempt to appear as though you don't care will win me over. Like an internet Zack Morris, you, too, shall be freed of all responsibility and earn the respect of everyone around you by sheer force of rebelliousness and not-caritude.

You're stupid and your kid is ugly.

Mooj: You are deemed UNWORTHY of ignorance and are hereby bumped back up to FRIENDSHIP. You get to be the poopdeck on the S.S. Friend Ship!

Oreowned: I bet we probably knew each other at one point. You're a pretty awesome guy...girl? Anyway, I think you played an Undead Mage or Priest, so that's pretty boss. You get friendship and a bottle of unpurified water.

Demos: I absolve you of the sin of being unremarkable, I guess?

LeMiere is deemed UNWORTHY of ignorance and is promoted back into the folds of friendship! GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT!

I went to a sweater party (I meant to invite you) with my friend Tyler (you hung out at his house once) and he got blind, stinking drunk and I had to give him a ride home. Well, like another friend of mine, he puked in my par, but did me one better and puked all over my jacket, then stumbled out and urinated on my car wheels before passing out in twin puddles of filth.

So you are hereby no longer quite as cool since you've been one-upped, but we should go out and maybe have a drink in moderation or maybe chill with Lazzay again, it should be fun with a capital UN!

Mr. Gainsborough
posted 12-26-2007 02:41:39 AM
Falaanla Marr
I AM HOT CHIX
posted 12-26-2007 02:44:25 AM
I am an attention whore.

Absolution.

Vorbis
Vend-A-Goat
posted 12-26-2007 03:51:28 AM
I've fallen off the radar, what's up mang?

I thought we were going to start the pudgy, white-guy version of Wu-Tang as soon as we got a mixer and a van. Now I get nothing? Well, I suppose that's what being cloistered up in New Hampcha gets me. Pax vobiscum, gringo.

Taylen
Pancake
posted 12-26-2007 04:10:38 AM
I'd like some condemnation, please.
"When correctly viewed, everything is lewd." - Tom Lehrer.
Sadomasochism: It's Fun!
Taylen Ashenbow
Rangers never run we mearly stratigically retreat.
Thats not a train thats a pull, my trains are always much bigger.
Azymyth
Not gay; just weird
posted 12-26-2007 10:07:13 AM
Why not.

Absolution.

I suffer from CRS: Can't Remember Shit.

Sig pic done by the very talented SJen!

Mooj
Scorned Fanboy
posted 12-26-2007 11:51:35 AM
Man, I'm the poopdeck? I'm gonna have to put on some weight for this now...
Oreowned
My friends call me 'Wiggles'
posted 12-26-2007 11:40:13 PM
Yeah, priest. And girl. And thanks for the water. =)
Tarquinn
Personally responsible for the decline of the American Dollar
posted 12-27-2007 05:36:55 AM
"Hot Absolution"
~Never underestimate the power of a Dark Clown.
tFUCKING RETARD
Pancake
posted 12-28-2007 07:38:41 AM
I choose YOU, PIKA- NUMBER 5!
There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive.
Karnaj
Road Warrior Queef
posted 12-28-2007 10:16:11 AM
I don't want any of your fucking handouts! I'm not some charity case! I can make it on my own! ON MY OWN!
That's the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell. - Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith



Beer.

LeMiere
posted 12-28-2007 01:38:53 PM
Well.

I don't feel so bad now.

We will have to do something. I'm free until school begins. Or I might be in Flagstaff if it snows again.

You've had some crazy nights, sir.

LeMiere fucked around with this message on 12-28-2007 at 01:40 PM.

Vin~
Crack Dealer
First One's Free!
posted 12-28-2007 04:53:03 PM
I'll take a 5, thank you.
Delphi Aegis
Delphi. That's right. The oracle. Ask me anything. Anything about your underwear.
posted 12-28-2007 04:56:37 PM
Condemnation.

Because everyone at EC is happier hating me~

Xian
Pancake
posted 12-28-2007 05:27:54 PM
They all sound so fun. I'll take a two!

Btw, you really need to open up a Dear Parce thread, so we can write to you with all our questions and troubles and have you answer.

Xian fucked around with this message on 12-28-2007 at 05:38 PM.

Mightion Defensor
posted 12-28-2007 07:25:10 PM
I apologize for my defensive behavior. I should have been more grateful for receiving advice that basically said:

1. Abandon all your interests.

2. Go away.

3. Die.

I had thought at the times that I had given that life-changing advice the respect they deserved. I apologize again for not following it with more alacrity.

Mr. Parcelan
posted 12-28-2007 08:43:43 PM
Check that out, Mightion isn't taking no crap from nobody.

You strange, silly man.

Mightion Defensor
posted 12-28-2007 09:11:56 PM
quote:
From the Book of Armaments, Mr. Parcelan did read;
Check that out, Mightion isn't taking no crap from nobody.

You strange, silly man.


This whole board is fully of strange silly people. Some of us are men, too. If someone who wasn't strange and silly came here, we would find it strange and silly.

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