The goal of the game : Earn meat (Money), gain stats, gain levels.
Each day, you get 40 adventures. Adventuring, uses these up. When they're ALL used up, you have to wait a day to get more. Eating food or drinking will get more adventures, but more on that later. Adventures (Turns, whatever) roll over each night. They also accumulate to a max of 200. So go away for 5 days and come back and you'll have max turns.
There's 3 stats in the game. Muscle, Mysticality, Moxie.
Seal Clubbers and Turtle Tamers have Muscle as a primary stat. Muscle affects the damage you do in combat, and your HP.
Saucerors and Pastamancers have Mysticality as a primary stat. Mysticality affects how much MP you have, and the damage of your spells/skills.
Disco Bandits and Accordion Thieves have Moxie as a primary stat. It affects your ability to hit and dodge attacks in combat.
Gain more of your primary stat to increase your levels. To gain more of your stats, adventure!
The best place to adventure to gain Muscle, go to Cobb's Knobb in the plains.
The best place to gain Mysticality, is the Haunted Pantry in Town (Right side of the Tracks)
The best place to gain Moxie, is the Sleazy Back Alley (Wrong side of the Tracks)
As you fight, you'll come across items. If you come across : Spider Webs, Knob Goblin Firecrackers, or Razor-sharp Can Lids, save them! You can go into chat, and sell them for lots, and lots, and lots of money. Easily 13,000+ meat.
There's three ways to heal. One way is to buy medicine from Doc Galactic at the Market in town. Another is to rest at your campsite (Resting only heals 1 hp/1 mp, though, until you get some form of dwelling. A Newbiesport Tent, Bar Skin Tent, Cottage, House, Pagoda, etc, will heal more HP per turn). Last is to use a skill if you have one.
You can eat and drink to get more adventures. Different foods give different adventures, and fill you up differently. Some foods also give you EXP. IE : Hell Ramen will give you 20 or more adventures when eaten, and also give you +30 EXP to all three stats. But you can only eat two a day.
When you drink, you gain drunkenness. Get 15 drunkenness, and you can't adventure any more. Drunkenness resets back to 0 each day, when you gain more turns.
When you die, you gain the stat effect 'beaten up'. It goes away in 3 turns. Until then, all your stats are lowered.
Newbie hints :
When you get some money (By selling lids and shit), and are level 3, go to the flea market and pick up a Cottage. They're good.
Buy some Chewing-Gum-On-A-Stick, and adventure at the sewer (In the marketplace) until you have a Seal Tooth, and a worthless item. Buy a hermit Permit at the Market, and trade the worthless item for a volleyball at the hermit at the mountain. 'Use' the seal tooth, to get a bloody hand, then 'use' the volleyball to make a blood-faced volleyball. Go back to the market, and buy a Familar-Gro Terrarium, then use it to put it in your campsite. Finally 'use' the blood-faced volleyball. The volleyball is your first familiar. Go to your campsite and use the terrarium to take him with you.
Some familiars increase the amount of meat you get, some make items drop more often after battle. Some will attack during battle. The Volleyball is nice because he increases the amount of EXP you gain during battle. Your familiars gain EXP and level just like you, but they stop at level 20. Higher level familiars grant better gains/damage/etc.
At level 3, go to town and go to the clan part of town. Search for Evercrest, and join the royal knights (My clan). You gain +3 adventures per day for joining the clan.
At level 5, search the mall for Hell Ramen. It's usually cheap, and gives you +40 adventures per day, easy.
Lastly, for information on all the quests and such that you can do, go to this site : http://s93834343.onlinehome.us/KoL.txt
It has recipes for what combines with what to do what quests and shit. Good resource. Khyron fucked around with this message on 08-24-2004 at 03:17 AM.
I SUMMONED THE UBER-HAXOR!
quote:
You read the mystical runes on the scroll: "31337!"
Shazam! Kablooie!The UB3r 31337 HaX0R stands before you.
"\/\/|-|4+ |)0 j00 |)351®3?" he asks you. You have no idea what he just said.
"/\/\0ñ3¥? ¶0\/\/3®? Ñußi13 (_+irls 0f |_047|-|1ñ(_+?""I... uh... I guess I'll take whatever you're giving... Sir..."
"\/\/|-|473\/3®, Ñ00ß"
He vanishes in a puff of logic, and items begin to appear in his place.
You acquire an item: hermit script
You acquire an item: stat script
The valley of Rof L'm Fao kicks ass 
Tee hee hee -
quote:
You're fighting an Anime Smiley
This innocent combination of Shift+6 and the underscore has somehow mutated into a freakish grinning face.
Khyron fucked around with this message on 08-24-2004 at 11:48 AM.
quote:
So quoth Ruvyen:^_^
*Khyron lops Ruvyen's head off with his chrome sword*
Saucerors can get buffs like elemental saucesphere (Enhances resistance to fire damage, cold damage, spooky damage, etc), or Jalapeno saucesphere (Damage shield). Plus, they can summon Scrumptious Reagents three times per day, which sell for a bundle. They're great for alts and moneywhore characters
IE :
Strongness Elixir
Enchanted Barbells
Extra-Strength Strongness Elixir
Magicalness-in-a-can
Concentrated Magicalness pill
Jug'o'magicalness
Moxie Weed
Giant moxie weed
Suntan Lotion of Moxiousness
The best items boost your EXP in that particular stat, by 9-12 or so. You can use 15 a day, and it takes no adventures to use 
The best place to get them is the Mall. There's one store (SexyLand) that sells 15 per day for 100 meat per.
I've sent all the clan members a gift of 1 of each of these stat boosters for now
Khyron fucked around with this message on 08-24-2004 at 05:45 PM.
When you hit Level 5, go to the mall and buy drinks from International House of Pancakes. The drinks there RULE. Especially the extra-spicy bloody mary's, and the salty dogs.
Like the Arrrgyle socks. Don't take those unless you need Mysticality (IE : Sauceror or Pastamancer).
There's no downside, you get 500 meat a day (Because I planted a meat tree, and we have 50,000 meat in the stash) and you get an extra 3 adventures per day because I got a calendar.
You can also spend adventures working out in the clan's Gym, and get stat boosts there (Around 9-12 points per adventure spent there).
Mr Crabs
Level 2 Tern Slapper
Also let me in the clan Khy. 
The first one you'll probably get is the Typical Tavern one, I beleive you get it at level 3, but you might not want to do it until level 5 or so. Kill 10 rat at the Tavern to get a ring that boosts all your stats by +3.
Extra meat that's contributed to the clan can't be given to members, but I will use it to buy bonus items (suntan lotion, jug'o'magicalness, Extra-Strength Muscle Potions, and healing potions) for all clan members.
I just sent you all a gift, BTW Khyron fucked around with this message on 08-25-2004 at 01:12 PM. 10 good heal potions (Heals for ~20 HP each), and a few stat boosters.
quote:
Check out the big brain on Khyron!
Did you apply to join our clanz0r, Xyrra?There's no downside, you get 500 meat a day (Because I planted a meat tree, and we have 50,000 meat in the stash) and you get an extra 3 adventures per day because I got a calendar.
You can also spend adventures working out in the clan's Gym, and get stat boosts there (Around 9-12 points per adventure spent there).
Nope!! What's the name of your oh so leet clanzor? 
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Xyrra had this to say about Punky Brewster:
Nope!! What's the name of your oh so leet clanzor?
Do a search for 'EverCrest'. We're the only one that'll show up.
Reminds me of an idea I had once, Maggot: The Gathering. Anyway, thanks for the comprehensive guide...now I really want to play (although I'm feeling a little squeamish after some of those descriptions).quote:
Check out the big brain on Ruvyen!
Question: Does the amount of meat in the stash affect how much meat the Meat Tree gives each day?
Supposedly, yes, but only to a max of 50,000 meat in the stash giving 500 meat a day. I really don't know, though.
I donated 30,000 meat to the Statue of Boris, and gained 298 Strongness
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Cleo wrote this then went back to looking for porn:
What a weird sounding game
Well, it's free to sign up and play, and takes (at most) an hour a day to play through. Less if your character doesn't get 100+ turns a day like mine
Murky Potion = Embarrased (Moxie Debuff)
Milky Potion = Teleportitis (AAAAAAARGH!)
Fizzy Potion = Confused (Mysticality debuff)
Effervescent Potion = Nothing
Dark Potion = Sleepy (Muscle Debuff)
Cloudy Potion = HP/MP completely restored
Swirly Potion = Strange Mental Acuity (Mysticality buff)
Smoky Potion = Strength of Ten Ettins (Muscle Buff)
bubbly potion = Izchak's Blessing (Moxie Buff)
Hokay, sorry about that, just had to keep track of which ones I get rid of
This game is cute!
I have 5 razor sharp can lids, did you say they were worth big bucks? What are they for? Nae fucked around with this message on 08-26-2004 at 03:01 PM.
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Trent had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
How do you get 100+ turns without getting amazingly drunk?!?!
40 turns per day, base.
+3 for being in the clan. +4 for having a Clockwork Maid in my campsite (Combine a Meat Engine with a Frilly Dress). +3 for having a Chrome Sword equipped.
+25 x2 for eating 2 hell ramen a day. Usually not EXACTLY 25, sometimes 22 or 24 or something. Buy these (starting at level 5) at the mall. Usually you can find them cheap (10 meat each, 2 per day) at places.
+7 for eating a sausage pizza a day.
Then, after you've done ALL your turns, get amazingly drunk. You won't be able to play again until tomorrow anyways, and the turns will roll over.
If you do like me, you get Ode to Booze (Ask nicely in chat ) and drink seven Extra Spicy Bloody Mary's (From international house of pancakes in the mall... 66 gold each, limit of 10 per day) for ~10 adventures each, another 70 there If you don't have Liver of steel form the Deep Fat Friars, though, you can only drink 5 a day.
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Nae painfully thought these words up:
I am Marinara Mae, right now I am lvl 3 Parsley Enchanter (Sauceror)This game is cute!
I have 5 razor sharp can lids, did you say they were worth big bucks? What are they for?
One of the classes can use them in a quest to get stat points. Early on, though, the $$$ you get for selling them to other players outweighs the stat boosts if you do the quest yourself
Go into chat, and offer to sell your lids for 30k each. Someone usually will send you a message in chat (blue text) accepting your offer. Click on their name, and you'll see their player page. You only need the player # next to their name. Copy it down.
Go into 'messages', choose 'offer or accept items for sale'. Where it says to offer an item to another player, offer your razor-sharp can lids to the other player (Put in their player number to send it to them) for 30000 each
For 5 lids, that's 150,000 meat. A fortune to a newbie
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And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Falaanla Marr was all like:
This game is way too slow. takes like 30 seconds just to do one adventure.
Yeah, during midday it tends to be a lot busier. People like me who do it at work
Generally, you won't hit massive lag unless you go into the Flea Market at town. The Flea Market is insane-o laggy. The rest of the game isn't TOO bad... besides, it's free, it's run almost entirely on donations, no ads or anything. Khyron fucked around with this message on 08-26-2004 at 03:46 PM.
Fuckers.
quote:
Crezia had this to say about Pirotess:
My Kingdom of Loathing thread got like, four replies.Fuckers.
I was 3 of those four replies, Crezia
I love games like this because it helps the tedium while I'm at work
