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Topic: Professor Lemmy, phD
Mr. Parcelan
posted 03-19-2004 08:15:37 PM
It was a hot afternoon when professor Lemmy sauntered into the classroom. The sun had made him sweat profusely, causing his white shirt to cling to his taut, toned body, yet the sudden coolness of the room caused his nipples to go erect almost immediately. He flashed his trademark enigmatic smile as he slicked back a part of his red hair and gazed over his all-female class.

"Good afternoon, ladies," he said in his masculine voice, shattering the illusion of femininity he carried. "And welcome to Sexual Education 101, as taught by me, Professor Lemmy. I'll hand you the syllabus later, but for now...are there any questions?"

A slender arm went up immediately. Lemmy smiled at the inquisitive, Mediterranean-featured face that looked at him from behind a lock of dark hair. Rosaline; he recognized her from campus several times. As the star runner for the women's track team, he had often watched her from afar...jogging...sweating...warming up.

Oh yes, he would leave this class with a few unforgettables.

"Yes, Ms. Rosaline?" he asked, the slightest hint of a smile creasing upon his thin lips. "Did you have a question you'd like to ask the class? Or would it be better suited for a...private session?"

She giggled in return, a soft tinkling-like sound...like wind chimes in a summer breeze, he thought. She smiled at him bashfully as she spoke.

"No, professor Lemmy," she said, "I understand that you'll be spending a lot of time with us and..." Lemmy raised an eyebrow as she paused mid-sentence.

"What's your question, miss?" he inquired.

"I was just wondering," she said, pointing to the far side of the classroom. "What is that?"

Lemmy glanced towards the direction her slender, sturdy arm pointed. He raised an eyebrow once more as he spied that which she indicated.

Crouched in the shadows of a poster of human anatomy was a strange, cat-like creature. Superficially, it resembled a gaunt panther with purplish, scaly skin clinging to its bones. Six feline limbs, four in the fore and two in the rear, twitched anxiously. Its near-skeletal, almost grinning face was staring directly at the professor as it narrowed its eyes upon the lean lad. Though it was difficult to see in the darkness of the shadows, Lemmy swore he could see a pair of snaking tentacles, each one tipped with a scaly pad, rising from the creature's shoulderblades.

"That's a displacer beast," Lemmy said with an intelligent nod. "It's a cat-like hunter that uses its ability of displacement to appear in a different place than it actually is. It's very clever, actually."

"But...what is it doing in the classroom?" Ms. Rosaline asked.

"A good question," Lemmy replied, scratching his chin. "Considering this is technically...their...mating...season..."

He uttered those last few words with dread as the terrible truth of the creature's presence dawned upon him. The squatting, ready-to-pounce position left no doubt in his mind...

Lemmy was boned. And if he didn't hurry, he would be boned much harder.

With a girlish scream, his masculinity and attractiveness shattered like a car window, and he turned to flee. It was of no use, however; screams only excited the deadly hunter, and as he felt the sudden force slam into his back, he realized exactly how much it excited the beast. The displacer beasts' four forelimbs shoved him violently forward, knocking the wind out of him as he was slammed into the edge of a desk. A pair of forepaws slammed down upon the backs of his hands and another pair pushed against his back, effectively pinning him to the desk.

Another thing he grimly realized was that his pants had fallen to his ankles in the brief chase. At once he cursed his hatred of belts and love of going commando as he felt a firm, meaty lump rub against his baby-like bottom.

His eyes shot wide open, as wide as dinner plates, as the true terror of his situation came upon it. He opened his supple lips to let out a scream, but to no avail. No sooner had his lips parted than he soon found the twin tentacles snaking around his head to force their way into his mouth, caressing his tongue and tickling his insides.

And that's when the displacer beast used its...abilities. Struggling only made it worse, but fight he must, though he knew it to be useless as the panther's tremendous lance thrust its way in, pushing apart mounds of flesh that had never been parted before. He let out a muffled scream through the tentacles as he felt the creature go off, a wet, sticky substance dripping down his leg as he clenched the sides of the desk.

"Sweet Jesus," he thought, his mind racked with all sorts of emotions that he had never felt before, "The displacement! It feels like there are THREE cats fucking me!"

There was no doubt about it. He would leave this class with a few unforgettables.

"Lemmy's so cute," cooed another female, a young creature named Beaukat. "Look at how kind he is to animals! And how sensitive he is! Look, he's crying!"

"Indeed," Rosaline agreed with a whistful sigh, "if only he didn't have a panther's cock up his ass..."

It's true, she thought to herself silently, the good ones are always taken, gay, or being raped by displacer beasts.

The End
nem-x
posted 03-19-2004 08:22:22 PM
Rhiannah
WAI!!!
posted 03-19-2004 08:26:26 PM
Dude... get help.

I'm an individual. Just like everyone else!

Gunslinger Moogle
No longer a gimmick
posted 03-19-2004 08:38:31 PM



moogle is the 3241727861th binary digit of pi

Disclaimer: I'm just kidding, I love all living things.
The fastest draw in the Crest.
"The Internet is MY critical thinking course." -Maradon
"Gambling for the husband, an abortion for the wife and fireworks for the kids they chose to keep? Fuck you, Disneyland. The Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is the happiest place on Earth." -JooJooFlop

Leopold
Porn maniac
posted 03-19-2004 08:39:07 PM
You used my idea.

I hate you.

"Leopold said it best. This is one of the few times someone besides me is right." -Mr. Parcelan
Espio Idsavant
You have gotten better at Being a Lush! (200)
posted 03-19-2004 08:43:46 PM
... issues
And you can still be free, If time will set you free
And going higher than the mountain tops
And go high like the wind don't stop...


[ My gooberish Live Journal thingy ]

Lashanna
noob
posted 03-19-2004 09:19:28 PM
Dad's going to kill you. Really. He is.
Niklas
hay guys whats going on in this title?
posted 03-19-2004 09:19:55 PM
quote:
Verily, Lashanna doth proclaim:

Sean
posted 03-19-2004 09:24:31 PM
That was great.
A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.

It's not something people hear about.

Akiraiu Zenko
Is actually a giddy schoolgirl
posted 03-19-2004 09:25:26 PM
Lucky displacer beast...
The artist formerly known as Zephyer Kyuukaze.
Trent
Smurfberry Moneyshot
posted 03-19-2004 09:30:41 PM
Pvednes
Lynched
posted 03-19-2004 09:34:30 PM
roflmao
Zaile Ghostmaker
You've gotta remember, I'm an EverQuest character.
posted 03-19-2004 09:36:34 PM
Lucky Lemmy
I find that most problems can be solved by excessive violence.

It is held in thought
only by the understanding
of the Wind.

Karnaj
Road Warrior Queef
posted 03-19-2004 09:45:37 PM
Displacer beast, how interesting. Hey, what's that in the cor
That's the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell. - Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith



Beer.

Sakkra
Office Linebacker
posted 03-19-2004 10:13:23 PM
There are no words
Black
The Outlaw Torn
posted 03-19-2004 11:07:42 PM
Hilarous.


Time was never on my side.
So on I wait my whole lifetime.

KaLourin
Illanae's Stooge!
posted 03-20-2004 01:11:10 AM
*thinks about it for a moment*

sorry.. not diggin it.

Dont make me slap you so hard your bucket spins around, and around,and stops sideways,thus confusing you, and making you run about London wearing your bucket, a g-string, and carrying a stick,smacking the ground while yelling "MAGICALLY DELICIOUS! MAGICALLY FUCKING DELICIOUS!"- {Tal} to Mortious
Hebrew 9:3- 'And the Lord said unto me, "Dude, there isn't a K in covenant."' - Snoota

This beer drops trou and fucks your mouth with pure hoppy goodness. - Karnaj
Snugglits
I LIKE TO ABUSE THE ALERT MOD BUTTON AND I ENJOY THE FLAVOR OF SWEET SWEET COCK.
posted 03-20-2004 02:15:58 AM
haha, funny
[b].sig removed by Mr. Parcelan[/b]
Kegwen
Sonyfag
posted 03-20-2004 02:39:27 AM
That was awesome
LeMiere
posted 03-20-2004 03:08:24 AM
Lemmy says:

"Oooh! I've like, totally never been in a porn before! "

(On a side note, I often play "Professor Lemmy" ... in bed.)

Oh, and, by the way, could I have a word with Ms. Rosaline after class? I need to reaffirm my ... sexuality/species.

[ 03-20-2004: Message edited by: LeMiere ]

Arttemis
Not Squire... but a guitar!
posted 03-20-2004 09:55:55 AM
D:

D: D: D:

Hostile Makeover
Evil as chocolate covered thistles
posted 03-20-2004 03:35:54 PM
Mortious
Gluttonous Overlard
posted 03-20-2004 03:42:11 PM
quote:
LeMiere impressed everyone with:

Blowjob time!

Jet
Pancake
posted 03-20-2004 07:22:00 PM
NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!
Niklas
hay guys whats going on in this title?
posted 03-20-2004 07:24:05 PM
Wtf, is that eyeliner
LeMiere
posted 03-20-2004 10:08:30 PM
quote:
Niklas had this to say about Tron:
Wtf, is that eyeliner

Yes. You have a problem with me wearing eye liner?

Anakha
my standards skyrocket when im on my keyboard heh
posted 03-20-2004 10:14:19 PM
See, this is why i believe you should always have a firearm whever you go, to shoot smacktards who write fucked up stories like that.
"Buzz Beer, the beer of attainable women!"
"You try balancing a cow on the end of a fencepost to wield it like a club. Thats a physical damn challenge!"
"The only problem i have is too much aggro."
Mortious
Gluttonous Overlard
posted 03-20-2004 10:20:41 PM
quote:
LeMiere impressed everyone with:
Yes. You have a problem with me wearing eye liner?

Anakha
my standards skyrocket when im on my keyboard heh
posted 03-20-2004 10:32:23 PM
ima ask a stupid question: Is that a guy?
"Buzz Beer, the beer of attainable women!"
"You try balancing a cow on the end of a fencepost to wield it like a club. Thats a physical damn challenge!"
"The only problem i have is too much aggro."
Niklas
hay guys whats going on in this title?
posted 03-20-2004 10:33:54 PM
quote:
Anakha had this to say about Punky Brewster:
ima ask a stupid question: Is that a guy?

Yep.

Anakha
my standards skyrocket when im on my keyboard heh
posted 03-20-2004 10:36:28 PM
ok, thought so, but i wasna sure, i see some mysteries at work.
"Buzz Beer, the beer of attainable women!"
"You try balancing a cow on the end of a fencepost to wield it like a club. Thats a physical damn challenge!"
"The only problem i have is too much aggro."
Darius!
Pancake
posted 03-20-2004 10:48:25 PM
quote:
Anakha stopped staring at Deedlit long enough to write:
ima ask a stupid question: Is that a guy?

Anakha wins the thread with a single post.

Anakha
my standards skyrocket when im on my keyboard heh
posted 03-20-2004 11:01:47 PM
OOOO OOO WHAT DO I WIN?
"Buzz Beer, the beer of attainable women!"
"You try balancing a cow on the end of a fencepost to wield it like a club. Thats a physical damn challenge!"
"The only problem i have is too much aggro."
Snoota
Now I am become Death, shatterer of worlds
posted 03-20-2004 11:13:05 PM
A punch in the face. Luckily for you, we are all out of punches in the face. So we will give you this nice parting gift.

kicks Anakha in the balls

Mr. Parcelan
posted 03-20-2004 11:22:25 PM
quote:
Anakha had this to say about Punky Brewster:
See, this is why i believe you should always have a firearm whever you go, to shoot smacktards who write fucked up stories like that.

Usually, they carry around firearms to put poor animals like you who are too retarded to live out of their misery.

Anakha
my standards skyrocket when im on my keyboard heh
posted 03-20-2004 11:48:43 PM
odd, thats not how we do things in the south
"Buzz Beer, the beer of attainable women!"
"You try balancing a cow on the end of a fencepost to wield it like a club. Thats a physical damn challenge!"
"The only problem i have is too much aggro."
Mr. Parcelan
posted 03-20-2004 11:56:03 PM
quote:
Everyone wondered WTF when Anakha wrote:
odd, thats not how we do things in the south

Well, if you're in the south, you can replace "shoot animals" to "screw animals and cousins."

Anakha
my standards skyrocket when im on my keyboard heh
posted 03-21-2004 12:03:49 AM
hey, i have some pretty hot cousins
"Buzz Beer, the beer of attainable women!"
"You try balancing a cow on the end of a fencepost to wield it like a club. Thats a physical damn challenge!"
"The only problem i have is too much aggro."
Mr. Parcelan
posted 03-21-2004 12:04:42 AM
quote:
Verily, Anakha doth proclaim:
hey, i have some pretty hot cousins

I think southern law says you can fuck ONCE before it becomes incest.

[ 03-21-2004: Message edited by: Mr. Parcelan ]

Callalron
Hires people with hooks
posted 03-21-2004 12:04:57 AM
Let me guess, you live in Shelbyville.
Callalron
"When mankind finally discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people are going to be upset that it isn't them."
"If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish he'll just go out and buy an ugly hat. But if you talk to a starving man about fish, then you've become a consultant."--Dogbert
Arvek, 41 Bounty Hunter
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