quote:
How to Shower Like a Woman:1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Complain because your husband had been eating you ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
11. Rinse conditioner off hair.
12. Shave armpits and legs.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
16. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your rear end.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Taste your wifes ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
14. Pee.
15. Rinse off and get out of shower.
16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
18. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
20. Throw wet towel on bed.
quote:
OtakuPenguin's account was hax0red to write:
I shower like a woman
I shower more like a woman than like a man. 
quote:
We were all impressed when OtakuPenguin wrote:
Especially the part about womanly physique and Gels and such
You admire your womanly physique in the mirror....
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The leckie got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
I don't know one guy who hasn't tried to make a shampoo mohawk. It's scarily true.
**Rubs his bald head**
Well now you know one. 
And I have long enough hair that I can sculpt with it. Occasionally if I have enough hot water and shampoo, I make these weird little modern art things on top of my head. Once I made a little shampoo snowman. It had bath bead eyes .
Completely off topic, but does anyone actually USE those things? Or are they, like, the General Birthday/Christmas Gift you get for everyone that just sits around?
This should be the way all non-slob males wash.
quote:
From the book of The leckie, chapter 3, verse 16:
I don't know one guy who hasn't tried to make a shampoo mohawk. It's scarily true.
triple mohawk
quote:
Baron Von Mortay thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
How Mortious showers:Turn the shower on and get in. Wash hair. Twice. Wash face. Once. Wash body with male (note the word "male") shower gel. Get out of shower. Dry off. Pull boxers on. Go into the next room and dress. This should be the way all non-slob males wash.
oh my god, that's EXACTLY how I do it
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
quote:
Nicole had this to say about Tron:
Arrenn frightens me
And I have long enough hair that I can sculpt with it. Occasionally if I have enough hot water and shampoo, I make these weird little modern art things on top of my head. Once I made a little shampoo snowman. It had bath bead eyes
.
Completely off topic, but does anyone actually USE those things? Or are they, like, the General Birthday/Christmas Gift you get for everyone that just sits around?
I used the little bath beads when I had a bathtub. New house moved to had only showerythings, so I dumped them. :/ Bathtubs are 
.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
It's not so much, "Oh, I think I shall pee in the shower." but more "Goodness, I seem to be peeing in the shower."
Maybe you've been peeing in the shower all your life but never noticed it!
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Fazum'Zen Fastfist impressed everyone with:
oh my god, that's EXACTLY how I do it
You was what hair twice, exactly?
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Nwist, Baby had this to say about (_|_):
You wash what hair twice, exactly?
quote:
Crezia had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
I used the little bath beads when I had a bathtub. New house moved to had only showerythings, so I dumped them. :/ Bathtubs are.
Yes. Baths > Showers.
And the only difference between "male" and "female" body washes are the bottle it's put in.
olay4life
quote:
Maradon XP was listening to Cher while typing:
I have trouble seeing how you could not pee in the shower.It's not so much, "Oh, I think I shall pee in the shower." but more "Goodness, I seem to be peeing in the shower."
Maybe you've been peeing in the shower all your life but never noticed it!
I thought I was the only one like that.
It's like..
"Doot, doot.. washing my hair. Doot doot. Rinse it off. Doot do.. HEY! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? I didn't tell you to pee!"
I use that stuff... works wonders I tell ya.
quote:
Nwist, Baby's fortune cookie read:
You was what hair twice, exactly?
leg hair
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
quote:
This insanity brought to you by Delphi Aegis:
I step into the bathroom with a change of clothes and a towel, set the towel to the side, kick off my clothes while the water warms, hop in, get wet, wash hair, wash body, rinse all (Why rinse hair first when you're just gonna have to rinse your body later anyway?) hop out, dry off, carefully brush hair, shave if I wanna, shove contacts in, get dressed, walk out.
/shrug.
Basically the same, but I start with washing my body and I dont need contacts/glasses. And I dont bother brushing my hair, I just blowdry it till it sorta looks good.
quote:
Nicole had this to say about Robocop:
Arrenn frightens me
Arrenn scares everyone. That's why we love him.
Strip
Wrap towel around waist
Cross hall into bathroom.
Hang towel on hook
Sit on bowl
Flush
Turn on shower to warm up
Shave
Get into shower
Shampoo hair
Scrub all over with ZEST.
rinse all
turn off shower.
Grab towel and dry off
Step out of shower
Wrap towel around waist
Gargle/swish with mouthwash
brush teeth
floss
gargle/swish with mouthwash
step across the hall to my room
put on clothes (n/a if going to be lounging in my own room/going to bed shortly)
No, Really. Bite me.
Lyinar Ka`Bael, Piney Fresh Druidess - Luclin
quote:
Kaglaaz How'ler had this to say about the Spice Girls:
Baths are fun for extracurricular activities with your significant other (Jacuzzi!!!) . But other than that I just don't like the idea of washing in water that my ass happens to be sitting in.
Yeah I don't want to wash in water Kag's ass happens to be sitting in either.
oho I make funny! Seriously, though, that's why I don't do baths to get clean. I do baths to soak aching muscles, or baths to relax. Not for washies.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
