They will go through bone like butter.You need at least 16 pigs to finigh the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weights 200 pounds in about...8 minutes. That means that one pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute, hence the expression "as greedy as a pig."
Body, done.
Oxy Clean on the blood, some lemon fresh spray, and burn the cleaning rags and bathroom rug in the fire place.
All set! 
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
Drysart wrote this stupid crap:
It needs to be COMPLETELY gone in under 24 hours; this includes all flesh, all traces of blood, teeth, bones, and anything else that can be used to identify said body. Can't do anything loud, stinky, or incriminating for risk of attracting attention from nosy neighbors.Someone give me some ideas here.
Alternate plan:
You neighbors are the key here.
Kill them. Kill them all.
Be quick. Be without mercy. Use the same means of death as the prostitute, or as close as you can get.
The cops will try to figure out why all those people were murdered. They won't ever think that all the others were to cover up one death. Eventually, someone will copycat this, and the cops will go after them. You will be free and clear.
quote:
Solstyce wrote this about Diff'rent Strokes:
Dig a grave for the final resting place of your deceased friend.
Well "friend" is a bit of a stretch, it was purely a business relationship.
quote:
Karnaj had this to say about Captain Planet:
You're always gonna have a problem lifting a body in one piece. Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces, and pile it all together. Then when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of 'em; 'cuz it's no good leaving them in the deep freeze for you mom to discover, now is it? Then, I hear, the best thing do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then decide if a chopped up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims and pull all the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this after the fact, but you don't wanna go sivving through all that pig shit, now do you?They will go through bone like butter.You need at least 16 pigs to finigh the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weights 200 pounds in about...8 minutes. That means that one pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute, hence the expression "as greedy as a pig."
Body, done.
Oxy Clean on the blood, some lemon fresh spray, and burn the cleaning rags and bathroom rug in the fire place.
All set!
Though this seems more like Very Bad Things. Chibidragon's suggestion was most logical, though if caught, would up the charges a bit. But the dog blood mixing with any hooker blood probably would mess up any gene tests up a bit, making it a LOT harder for any of the more inexperianced forensic scientists. [ 01-19-2002: Message edited by: Pvednes Phoenixfeather ]
That movie rocked.
quote:
Tegadil wrote this then went back to looking for porn:
Remember Luminol(That thingy that shows where blood has been after being wiped up) is your enemy. If it were up to me, I would get rid of the rug, carpet, and the wallpaper and do some remodeling in there. Or maybe you can pull a predator and after mutilating the corpse, hang it high high high up on a tree with rope.
True, but all you need to combat Luminol is a good Hemolytic. Hydrogen Peroxide is an excellent one, and will dissolve blood very well. 
Yes I know it was mentioned earlier. 
So.. first off, you need some acid. This comes in the form of drain opener. Take the body, cut it up, and put it in the bathtub, along with the bloody rug. Dump the acid in. Stir from time to time. Open a window, and put a fan in it, to make the fumes go outside.
Now, go outside. Fire up the BBQ grill. Let the coals get low, and burn some chicken, with LOTS of sauce. This will make your neighbors notice the sweet smell of burning flesh, and NOT the odor of hydrochloric acid, eating a human corpse. Make sure to replenish said acid from tiem to time, to keep it fresh.
Once the majority of the flesh is gone, remove the remaining bones and such from the bathtub, and move them in a thick plastic bag, to the shed. Clean said bathroom with Oxyclean (that shit rocks) And then give it a onceover with drain cleaner, everywhere the blood touched. This is redundant, but safe. Use gloves.
Turn off the fan. Go to the BBQ, and yell and cuss REALLY loud, about your burned chicken. Toss the birdy, and start over on the BBQ.
Take the bones out of the bag, one at a time. Get the bolt cutters, a ball pien hammer, and a pair of vise grips. Use said instruments to break the bones up into tiny pieces. Next, use the hammer, to powder as much bone as you can.
Take the two bags of potting soil, and open them. Dump about 1/4 of each bag, into a pot. Put half of the pile of bone dust into each bag of soil, and mix well. Reseal the bags, and put them back up.
Go outside, and turn the chicken.
Now, go back over the bathroom with Peroxide on a sponge. Any place that bubbles, wash again with drain cleaner, diluted in water.
Go outside, check the chicken. Wave to the neighbors. Make sure they see you a lot while you do all this. Making the chicken, burning the chicken. Moving around in the yard. This gives you an Alibi. You were making dinner. You spent the day in the yard.
But, since you didnt dig any holes, or burn a corpse, you wont be looked at too closely.
Of course, this is assuming you have strong drain opener in your home.
-Tok
quote:
Palador ChibiDragon had this to say about Tron:
You can't count on cleaning ALL the blood away. So, you need to give them a reason to expect blood all over the place. In Plan-A, that's what the dog was for. In Plan-B, blood splatter becomes the norm for the neighborhood.
Yes...and where is the reasoning behind beating a doggy to death? (Aside from making more blood - As though no hooker had been murdered) Cuz doogies are not to be killed. Unless of course they can be summed up with Fugly. [ 01-19-2002: Message edited by: Tegadil ]
quote:
Tegadil impressed everyone with:
Yes...and where is the reasoning behind beating a doggy to death? (Aside from making more blood - As though no hooker had been murdered) Cuz doogies are not to be killed. Unless of course they can be summed up with Fugly.
I was worried that, after killing a prostitute, Drys (or his friend) might balk at beating a dog. That's why I posted Plan-B.
You will notice that in Plan-B, no animals are hurt at all. Your conscience remains clear.
Add lots of catnip. Fresh is best, but work with what you can get. (You DO have catnip in your house, right?)
Shake the bag, like it's a supersized Shake-n-Bake.
Sneak into the zoo with the bag. Dump her out into the lion or tiger pit. You may have to swing her around like a hammer throw to get her well into the pit.
Go home and clean house. By the time they find her, they won't be able to ID her, or tell a cause of death. Plus, some of my fellow felines will be feeling well fed and mellow.
It is held in thought
only by the understanding
of the Wind.
Geez man why did you have to go and get bloody in the first place? oi.
Got two options...
1. if you're in the city and think you can be sneaky, go to a hotel and discard the body in a dumpster. prior to doing so, shave your entire body and get some rubber gloves and such to wear while handling the body. Give the corpse a rubdown with an exfoliating cream. Should screw up the fingerprints and other telling finger marks on the corpse if the top layer of skin is gone. Don't go to a motel (you want someplace with enough pull to rush the investigation to save their Public Relations), and for the love of god CASE THE DROP ZONE...oi...I can't stress that enough. You'd be surprised how many hotels have external cameras these days. So look around, pay attention. If you ditch the body in a hotel, whoopee. They'll start by checking the internal cameras.
2. No city/convenient large Hiltons?
First off, you don't have to do much in the way of body desecration. Just a few nasty things.
Decapitation and remove the hands. If she's already slashed up or whatever, check for breast implants. If she's old, check for a pacemaker. All those things have serial numbers they can trace and track. Dispose of the body however you like. Farther away the better, but without the identifiers, things slow down. Likely to get identified as a Jane Doe. Especially if you dump the body in the jurisdiction of a city large enough to have its own police (like don't dump the body in a suburb of Detroit or something). Dump it on the Canadian/American border for extra points.
Anyways, once you've disposed of the body, ditch the head and hands in different locations, preferably in large bodies of water (bridges are your friend).
Now go home and clean up. And if anyone comes looking, hey...you're Tim Fries. You run an online message board, and you're a hell of a guy.
And never ever EVER do this again, ya dink.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
I know a few myself, but I sure as hell ain't posting em. One's tried and true that I made up myself! Er.. *delete*
quote:
Bajah had this to say about Duck Tales:
This reminds me of "Very Bad Things."
There was a movie just like that which came out before "Very Bad Things" but instead of bashing her head into a clothes hook, they were tossing her on a blanket and she fell and broke her neck. Still can't remember the name of that movie though 
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
Now to the bathroom.
1. Go to the nearest store and buy wall glue and wall paper for your bathroom, and while you are out buy a new rug and some bleach. Also buy a lot of red dye.
2. Cover all the blood on the wall with the wall paper after washing the wall with bleach and wash the floor and the bath tub or shower thingy thoroughly with bleach.
3. Take the rug and wash it with bleach. If the blood stains are still there cover it with red dye.
4. Throw the rug away.
5. Go into your backyard and make sure everything is still ok, and smells right.
That should be it, but I may have forgotten some things.
<loved Crime and Punishment!>
(And I'd just like to mention that Karnaj sucks. When I read the first post, I was going to make the same exact post he did.) [ 01-21-2002: Message edited by: Comrade_Snoota ]
Stick it in the evil tower of evilness with the rest of the bodies-er... waitasec, not everyone has an evil tower of evilness.
Watch the Rocky Horror show and take notes.
"Thats a rather tender subject. Care for another slice?"
I love that line...
My only question is why would Drysart take the prostitute back to his place instead of a random motel room or something?
3) Grab axe, garbage bags and extra pair of clothes, put in car along with rug, once it has dried off
4) Wrap corpse in garbage bags or any other sort of plastic sheeting
5) Load corpse into car trunk
6) Drive out at night to the closest pig farm, the larger the better
7) Chop body up with axe, smaller pieces the better
8) Fill garbage bags with parts of corpse
9) Sneak into the pig pens themselves and give each pig a piece of the corpse
10) Once corpse has been fully disposed, find isolated area
11) Burn garbage bags, rug and the clothes you were wearing
12) Change into your change of clothing
13) Drive home, clean bathroom
I can just imagine how many holes mine has
quote:
Drysart wrote, obviously thinking too hard:
Well "friend" is a bit of a stretch, it was purely a business relationship.
You were *cough* giving her the business, eh?
DUH
anyway, my suggestion. Close all the blinds and stuff. Get naked. Take the body into the tub and start cutting it up, putting the cut up chunks into a bucket. Make them somewhat small. When bucket gets full wash feet and take it to the garbage disposal and start mulching it up in there. This might not work if you live in an apartment as garbage disposals are noisy to neighbors. could flush them down the toilet then.
Take a hacksaw and start cutting the bones into small pieces. I believe a coffee grinder would work wonders, if you can get the bones small enough. If not just take your time and cut splinters off and use garbage disposal or toilet again. Once body gone, clean yourself off. Get turpentine, peroxide, whatever kind of major disolving components you can find to scrub the bathroom down. Have a fireplace you can burn the rug. If not...hrm...cut it up and flush it too . I find the sewer system is a great cover up. Clean off utensils and anything else you can find. You should be good.
quote:
Ragabash had this to say about Tron:
Chibi, wouldn't your dog plan leave you with an eyewitness at the animal shelter saying, "hey, you took that dog from here!"? I'm not positive, but I think animal shelters and vets keep in contact a good deal.
That's why you get the doggie in a different town.
You want a town that's far enough away that nobody will trace you there, and close enough that you don't waste all your time driving there and back.
quote:
Karnaj had this to say about dark elf butts:
You're always gonna have a problem lifting a body in one piece. Apparently, the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces, and pile it all together. Then when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of 'em; 'cuz it's no good leaving them in the deep freeze for you mom to discover, now is it? Then, I hear, the best thing do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then decide if a chopped up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims and pull all the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this after the fact, but you don't wanna go sivving through all that pig shit, now do you?They will go through bone like butter.You need at least 16 pigs to finigh the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weights 200 pounds in about...8 minutes. That means that one pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute, hence the expression "as greedy as a pig."
Body, done.
Oxy Clean on the blood, some lemon fresh spray, and burn the cleaning rags and bathroom rug in the fire place.
All set!
You VERY much scare me at this knowledge...
quote:
Ryuujin had this to say about (_|_):
You VERY much scare me at this knowledge...
You have apparently not seen the greatest movie ever made.. Snatch. That's a speech some Gangster gives to some guys he catches trying to drag a body out of their house.
