Never has this tag been more appropriate.

She's due December 30th.

My boys can swim!!

Let's see, average pregnancy is 274 days from date of conception. December 30 is day 364, so you knocked her up on the 90th day of this year, going strictly from the averages. That's March 31st.

Now, given the imprecision of such things...oh. Oh God. You knocked her up as a goddamn April Fool's joke! You magnificent bastard.

That kid is going to have the worst birthday/christmas ever

Oh, so you blew the magic load on tax day, instead. Well, that deduction will be nice next year.

My wife got pregnant 3 days after we were married and delivered a month early

It looks really suspicious to say the least

You know the rules. Name it after me and I will hold your oaths fulfilled.

Congratulations, you have produced a little person!

Sorry, if it's a boy it's getting named after my dad. If it's a girl it's getting named after my wife's grandma.

Name it Goner

Name it Boner.

Gibartik
Babby

Roast Beef Kazencakis Dietrich.

Barack Hussein Dietrich

Adolf Hitler Dietrich

"Gabaner","Gabann","Gabantik","Gabarab","Gabarer","Gabarn","Gabartik",
"Gabekab","Gabeker","Gabekn","Gaber","Gabn","Gabobab","Gabobn","Gabtik",
"Ganer","Gann","Gantik","Garab","Garaner","Garann","Garantik","Gararn",
"Garekn","Garer","Garn","Gartik","Gasaner","Gasann","Gasantik","Gasarer",
"Gasartik","Gasekn","Gaser","Gebann","Gebantik","Gebarer","Gebarn","Gebartik",
"Gebeker","Gebekn","Gebn","Gekab","Geker","Gekn","Genaner","Genann","Genantik",
"Genarer","Genarn","Gener","Genn","Genobtik","Gibaner","Gibann","Gibantik",
"Gibarn","Gibartik","Gibekn","Giber","Gibn","Gibobtik","Gibtik","Gobaber",
"Gobaner","Gobann","Gobarn","Gobartik","Gober","Gobn","Gobober","Gobobn",
"Gobobtik","Gobtik","Gonaner","Gonann","Gonantik","Gonarab","Gonarer",
"Gonarn","Gonartik","Gonekab","Gonekn","Goner","Gonobtik","Gontik","Gotik",
"Jabaner","Jabann","Jabantik","Jabarab","Jabarer","Jabarn","Jabartik",
"Jabekab","Jabeker","Jabekn","Jaber","Jabn","Jabobtik","Jabtik","Janab",
"Janer","Jann","Jantik","Jarab","Jaranab","Jaraner","Jararer","Jararn",
"Jarartik","Jareker","Jarekn","Jarer","Jarn","Jarobn","Jarobtik","Jartik",
"Jasab","Jasaner","Jasantik","Jasarer","Jasartik","Jasekab","Jaseker",
"Jasekn","Jaser","Jasn","Jasobab","Jasober","Jastik","Jebanab","Jebann",
"Jebantik","Jebarab","Jebarar","Jebarer","Jebarn","Jebartik","Jebeker",
"Jebekn","Jeber","Jebobn","Jebtik","Jekab","Jeker","Jekn","Jenann",
"Jenantik","Jenarer","Jeneker","Jenekn","Jentik","Jibaner","Jibann",
"Jibantik","Jibarer","Jibarn","Jibartik","Jibeker","Jibn","Jibobn",
"Jibtik","Jobab","Jobaner","Jobann","Jobantik","Jobarn","Jobartik",
"Jobekab","Jobeker","Jober","Jobn","Jobtik","Jonanab","Jonaner",
"Jonann","Jonantik","Jonarer","Jonarn","Jonartik","Jonekab","Joneker",
"Jonekn","Joner","Jonn","Jonnarn","Jonober","Jonobn","Jonobtik","Jontik",
"Kabanab","Kabaner","Kabann","Kabantik","Kabarer","Kabarn","Kabartik",
"Kabeker","Kabekn","Kaber","Kabn","Kabober","Kabobn","Kabobtik","Kabtik",
"Kanab","Kaner","Kann","Kantik","Karab","Karanab","Karaner","Karann",
"Karantik","Kararer","Karartik","Kareker","Karer","Karn","Karobab","Karobn",
"Kartik","Kasaner","Kasann","Kasarer","Kasartik","Kaseker","Kasekn","Kaser",
"Kasn","Kasober","Kastik","Kebann","Kebantik","Kebarab","Kebartik","Kebeker",
"Kebekn","Kebn","Kebobab","Kebtik","Kekab","Keker","Kekn","Kenab","Kenaner",
"Kenantik","Kenarer","Kenarn","Keneker","Kener","Kenn","Kenobn","Kenobtik",
"Kentik","Kibab","Kibaner","Kibantik","Kibarn","Kibartik","Kibekab","Kibeker",
"Kibekn","Kibn","Kibobn","Kibobtik","Kobab","Kobanab","Kobaner","Kobann",
"Kobantik","Kobarer","Kobarn","Kobartik","Kobeker","Kobekn","Kober","Kobn",
"Kobober","Kobobn","Kobtik","Konanab","Konaner","Konann","Konantik","Konarab",
"Konarer","Konarn","Konekab","Koneker","Konekn","Koner","Konn","Konobn",
"Konobtik","Kontik","Labanab","Labaner","Labann","Labarab","Labarer",
"Labarn","Labartik","Labeker","Labekn","Laner","Lann","Larab","Larantik",
"Lararer","Lararn","Larartik","Lareker","Larer","Larn","Lartik","Lasaner",
"Lasann","Lasarer","Laseker","Laser","Lasik","Lasn","Lastik","Lebaner",
"Lebarer","Lebartik","Lebekn","Lebtik","Lekab","Lekn","Lenanab","Lenaner",
"Lenann","Lenartik","Lenekab","Leneker","Lenekn","Lentik","Libab","Libaner",
"Libann","Libantik","Libarer","Libarn","Libartik","Libeker","Libekn","Lobann",
"Lobarab","Lobarn","Lobartik","Lobekn","Lobn","Lobober","Lobobn","Lobtik",
"Lonaner","Lonann","Lonantik","Lonarab","Lonarer","Lonarn","Lonartik","Lonekn",
"Loner","Lonobtik","Lontik","Vabanab","Vabaner","Vabann","Vabantik","Vabarer",
"Vabarn","Vabartik","Vabeker","Vabekn","Vabtik","Vanikk","Vann","Varartik","Varn",
"Vartik","Vasann","Vasantik","Vasarab","Vasarer","Vaseker","Vebaner","Vebantik",
"Vebarab","Vebeker","Vebekn","Vebobn","Vekab","Veker","Venaner","Venantik","Venar",
"Venarn","Vener","Ventik","Vibann","Vibantik","Viber","Vibobtik","Vobann",
"Vobarer","Vobartik","Vobekn","Vober","Vobn","Vobtik","Vonaner","Vonann",
"Vonantik","Vonarab","Vonarn","Vonartik","Voneker","Vonn","Xabanab","Xabaner",
"Xabarer","Xabarn","Xabartik","Xabekab","Xabeker","Xabekn","Xaber","Xabober",
"Xaner","Xann","Xarab","Xaranab","Xarann","Xarantik","Xararer","Xarartik","Xarer",
"Xarn","Xartik","Xasaner","Xasann","Xasarab","Xasarn","Xasekab","Xaseker",
"Xebarer","Xebarn","Xebeker","Xeber","Xebober","Xebtik","Xekab","Xeker",
"Xekn","Xenann","Xenantik","Xenarer","Xenartik","Xenekn","Xener","Xenober",
"Xentik","Xibantik","Xibarer","Xibekab","Xibeker","Xibobab","Xibober","Xibobn",
"Xobaner","Xobann","Xobarab","Xobarn","Xobekab","Xobeker","Xobekn","Xober",
"Xobn","Xobobn","Xobtik","Xonaner","Xonann","Xonantik","Xonarer","Xonartik",
"Xonekab","Xoneker","Xonekn","Xoner","Xonober","Xtik","Zabaner","Zabantik",
"Zabarab","Zabekab","Zabekn","Zaber","Zabn","Zabobab","Zabober","Zabtik",
"Zaner","Zantik","Zarann","Zarantik","Zararn","Zarartik","Zareker","Zarekn",
"Zarer","Zarn","Zarober","Zartik","Zasaner","Zasarer","Zaseker","Zasekn","Zasn",
"Zebantik","Zebarer","Zebarn","Zebartik","Zebobab","Zekab","Zekn","Zenann",
"Zenantik","Zenarer","Zenarn","Zenekab","Zeneker","Zenobtik","Zibanab","Zibaner",
"Zibann","Zibarer","Zibartik","Zibekn","Zibn","Zibobn","Zobaner","Zobann",
"Zobarn","Zober","Zobn","Zonanab","Zonaner","Zonann","Zonantik","Zonarer",
"Zonartik","Zonobn","Zonobtik","Zontik","Ztik"

I like Gibn the best

Shiny Bob!