Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
It's not something people hear about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBSpNPzVsMM Holden fucked around with this message on 01-26-2006 at 12:01 PM.
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Holden impressed everyone with:
I saw him on Tony Danza a week or so again. Danza was reading off some of the jokes to him, and Chuck didn't even crack a smile. Just kidding, he was laughing but he seemed more confused than entertained.<A HREF="http://" TARGET=_blank>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBSpNPzVsMM</A>
Okay, that was pretty cool.
-H
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn't apologize. He just stares at them till they realize it was indeed their own fucking fault for whatever happened and they apologize. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky". When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Small due to volume.
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BeauChan was naked while typing this:
*Posts obligatory Chuck Norris Jokes*Small due to volume.
It's times like this I wish you had been aborted.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live. If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives." The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself. Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear. Vin Diesel covers his Slip 'n' Slide with gravel. When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back. When Vin Diesel reaches a difficult point in his life, he often stops and wonders, "What Would Godzilla Do?" As the answer invariably is that Godzilla would devour a schoolbus full of Japanese children, whatever Vin does seems pretty OK by comparison. Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
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Gadani thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
I always thought that the Chuck Norris jokes were the same as the Vin Diesel jokes, just with Chuck's name instead of Vin's.
No, originally they had seperate jokes, www.chucknorrisfacts.com however sprung up recently and just ripped half of the Vin Diesel ones off with new names
http://www.4q.cc/vin/
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/
The Vin Diesel ones did come first though Vorago fucked around with this message on 01-26-2006 at 11:38 PM.
So he aint that great!I love this flash movie, I just keep watching it over and over and over and over 
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
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So quoth Led:
Chuck Norris gets his ass kicked in http://www.ultimateshowdown.orgSo he aint that great!
I love this flash movie, I just keep watching it over and over and over and over
Dear god.... that hurt my brain. 
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Gadani had this to say about Cuba:
I always thought that the Chuck Norris jokes were the same as the Vin Diesel jokes, just with Chuck's name instead of Vin's.
I thought they both were from the Bill Brasky Sketchs in SNL
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Kuroi Madoushi said this about your mom:
My girlfriend mentioned something about Conan O'Brien going on about the various impossible situations in Walker, Texas Ranger that Chuck Norris gets out of. Perhaps this is what brought him to the fore again?
This would be the Walker: Texas Ranger lever.
