This is the ultimate attention whoring thread

Author

Topic: This is the ultimate attention whoring thread

Mr. Parcelan

posted 03-06-2004 04:38:25 PM

Lo, my fiancee of (checks his watch) three weeks now has been abducted! By who? None other than a group of werewolves, those that claim lineage to the great god Lycanthros. They hate me for my true heritage from the wolf-kin, for I once was one of them. I was cast out of the tribe for my consciense and because I threatened the leader with my power. DO NOT ASK! YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE BURDEN I CARRY!

Now, I must fly to the cold regions of Alaska, where they gather to challenge the leader, Huntor, to a duel. Our numbers are far too few to be able to freely kill each other, even though my military training (I am an ex-Navy SEAL and trained in the art of Killayu, again banished from both the military and the school of defense for my great power. They were all jealous!). Thusly, we must do battle in the form of a writing contest (for you see, we value our warriors much like I value my female friends, for their minds and not their bodies. Have I mentioned you are looking severly spirited today? Yes, I have spent much time admiring the twin lobes of your beautiful mind). Thusly, even though he is skilled, I must defeat him with my great poetic skill. BE CAREFUL! YOU ARE GETTING TOO CLOSE TO MY TRUE PERSONALITY! I AM A LONE WOLF! BACK OFF, BABY!

I fear my victory will be in vain. For you see, long ago I was diagnosed with epilepsy and my doctors have given me so little time to live. I would take my own life, imbibing the deadly venom of Windex, if I were not in such emotional and physical pain. I have been married five times now in my sixteen years of life (to have such experience in such a short amount of life, too, is part of the pain I must endure). All times, I have either been wrongfully dumped (no doubt they were threatened my immense wisdom and power, just like Huntor) or my various brides had to go to school too early for me (alas! 7:00 AM classes are part of the tragedy I must endure!) Now, I fight only to see my fiancee's face one last time before this deadly disease takes my life. BACK OFF! BACK OFF! YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT TRUE PAIN IS, OR TRUE HARDSHIP, SO DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND MINE!

I have dabbled too long. Every day, I feel my fiancee's spirit dying slowly inside. And thus, I must be off, for as soon as I clean my room, my mom will drive me to the airport...and my destiny. Fare thee well, friends. To those of you who have been my friend, I thank you, and I wanted to be so much more than friends (for your minds! Your minds!) To those of you that have been cruel to me, I will not miss you. For your minds were closed and unenlightened, and you could not see the true amount of pain I was in (not that I would ever wish the amount of pain I was in all the time onto you, it is that great. Seriously.)

He steps away, leaving a single rose behind. For whom? Perhaps the ladies? NO, HE'S ENGAGED! DON'T WORRY! HE ONLY LIKES THEM FOR THEIR MINDS! THEIR MINDS! Creasing his powerful, sultry face...if one were to look closely, could they perhaps see...is that...yes, a tear. What amount of pain could have driven this person, so obviously strong and handsome with a penis the size of a claymore, to tears? DON'T ASK! HE'S IN A LOT OF PAIN! I'M WARNING YOU! YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

Farewell, friends...if I survive, I will be certain to let you know of my success.

Signed,
The Masked Fighter