1. Recipes must be cheap. Remember that a lot of people reading these forums are single and don't have a lot of money to be spending on food (they're most likely eating instant ramen, and you can only eat that so much...)
2. The materials/utensils must be common. That is, they have to be utensils that most people have in their kitchens. If the recipe must have those uncommon utensiles/materials, try to list a substitute for them that is common. (ex. not everyone has a dutch oven, but I think you can substitute a regular oven for it. This goes for ingredients as well.)
3. Keep the recipes simple. Not everyone has your cooking skills. This thread is for those people who have little/no cooking skill but can follow directions.
Well... enough fluff.
Chicken (or Beef) Afritada
Materials:
1/2 chicken (or full chicken if you can afford it), cut into chunks (1/2 pound beef and 1/2 pound beef liver, cut into 1 inch pieces)
8 oz of tomato sauce
one bottle of soy sauce
1 or 2 bell peppers (green or red, or both), sliced into strips
1 or 2 potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks (diced if you're going to use beef)
enough water to cover the meat (optional 1/2 onion, sliced)
Utensils:
Deep dish saucepan (or a pot if you don't have one)
a cooking spoon (or whatever you call those larger versions of spoons)
a small spoon (or disposible spoons) for tasting.
(Remeber: Don't taste the sauce with the same spoon you're cooking with. That's a sanitary hazard; if you got germs in your mouth you might infect someone with whatever you have. Always use a seperate spoon that you wash after every tasting, or disposable spoons which you throw away after tasting)
Put the meat in the pot. Add the water and soy sauce. Take the empty can of tomato sauce and measure at least 1/4 of the can and pour that in. Cover and allow the water to boil down so that it covers the meat halfway. Add water if it boils down too far. Add more soy sauce if the tomato taste is too strong. Add the potatoes and pepper. It will be done when you can take a spoon and easily slice through the potato chunk. [ 01-31-2004: Message edited by: Kennatsu ]
Fry the beef in a pot until browned and stir in the gravy mix & broth. Simmer until thick. Makes a dandy topping for mashed potatoes.
mix, pour einto cup, enjoy
quote:
Mog had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
1 bag of instant remen
1pot of boiling watermix, pour einto cup, enjoy
That's the worst recipe ever.
quote:
How.... Mog.... uughhhhhh:
1 bag of instant remen
1pot of boiling watermix, pour einto cup, enjoy
How about....
1 bag of instant ramen (I like Ichiban, but other brands will do)
2 - 4 slices of SPAM, fried
1 egg
1 pot boiling water
Put noodles in the water and wait for them to soften. When they're softened and loose enough, crack open the egg and pour it into the soup. Wait 'til the yoke is cooked before adding the soup base. Pour it all into a large bowl and top it off with the sliced fried SPAM. Best when eaten with chopsticks.
quote:
Kennatsu had this to say about Pirotess:
How about....1 bag of instant ramen (I like Ichiban, but other brands will do)
2 - 4 slices of SPAM, fried
1 egg
1 pot boiling waterPut noodles in the water and wait for them to soften. When they're softened and loose enough, crack open the egg and pour it into the soup. Wait 'til the yoke is cooked before adding the soup base. Pour it all into a large bowl and top it off with the sliced fried SPAM. Best when eaten with chopsticks.
That is so being made in a couple of hours. No spam though.. Maybe Ill toss a kipper on top or something, we have smoked kippers 
10 hard boild eggs
flour for dusting
2 pounds pork sausage
1 1/2 cups breadcrumbs
2 teaspoons minced (suppose dried works) parsley
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 eggs beaten
oil for deep frying (yes, deep frying)
Remove the shells from the hard boiled eggs and dust with flour. Set aside. Roll out the pork sausage on a flat surface. In a shallow bowl, mix the breadcrumbs with the parsley, asalt, and pepper. Take each hard boiled egg and dip into the beaten eggs, then wrap it in the sausage meat untill it is completely covered. It is easiest to do this with your fingers. The meat should be about 1/2 inch thick around the egg. Once the egg is covered, roll it in the breadcrumb mixture. When all the eggs have been prepared this way, heat the oil about 4-5 minutes to 350 degrees, and deep fry the eggs, one at a time, untill golden brown.
Traditionaly served cold or at room temp. And have a pint and alot of napkins handy 
-Cooked pasta of your choice
-Ground/Chunked meat of your choice
-Something cheesy of your choice (eg Velveeta, Cheez Whiz, cheddar)
-Tomato sauce
Heat until cooked.
Six Eggs
6 Slices of Bacon, diced into little chunks. I use scizzors.
2 inches of cheese on a standard sized brick. Grated and such.
Half a bottle of standard sized jalapeno tabasco sauce
Salsa to taste, I personally strain the salsa and use about 4 tablespoons 
Combine all these on a pan and cook it till you have em finished, then cut the eggs and stick it in a tortillia.
Good stuff.
Various other meats can be used in place of bacon, I used summer sausage, kielbasa, among other things. I started using the tabasco once when I had no salsa and figured, what the hell. I found the tabasco sauce made the eggs much easier to form into a patty and I have used it ever sinceto make the burrito's easier.
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - pounded thin
4 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/3 cup feta cheese
1 teaspoon garlic powder
2 teaspoons dried dill weed
2 tablespoons melted butter
salt and pepper to taste
1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2 TO MAKE FILLING: In a large bowl beat the cream cheese until smooth. Add the feta cheese, dill weed and garlic powder. Beat until smooth and creamy.
3 Put a dollop of 1/4 of the filling on each breast, then roll and tie the breasts with cooking string to seal. Brush each breast with melted butter/margarine and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste. Bake uncovered in the preheated oven for 20 minutes or until the juices run clear.
(You don't have to roll the chicken up, can just top it with the filling and bake, just check it in 15minutes instead of 20.)
Amazingly easy, and Oh so tasty.
Ingrediants
butter
3 eggs
2 slices of american cheese
1 onion
salt
pepper
untensils
bowl
small pan
knife
fork
chopping bored
spatula
directions
1.chop onion into small peices
2. butter pan thourghly
3. cook onions on a low flame itll transparent (or ous ense their about to burn)
4. Break the eggs into the bowl
5. pour in 2 to 3 shakes off salt and peooer
6.useing fork beet eggs well till the yolk breaks up adn yolk and hwiete become one
7. take out ocntents of pan onto ccutting bored
8. repeat step one
9.pour eggs in cook on low flame
10. when egg begisn to solidfy place two(2) slices of american cheese ontop
11. when egg is allmsot ready poor the oniosn on top
12. useing the spatula lift oneside ofthe emlete and fold it over onto the other side and press down as egg/cheese drips out and is cooked to shut it*
*if you fial step 12 beet it int he pan and tell everyone you where amkeing scrambled eggs, noone will eb the wiser
12 graham crackers
1 can sweetened condensed milk
one small bag of shredded coconut
one bag of chocolate chips
put the crackers in a plastic bag and smush until they are crumbs. mix in a medium bowl with the sweetened condensed milk, coconut and chocolate chips.
put into a greased pan and bake at 350 degrees until brown.
best. thing. ever.
Pour dressing over chicken. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes or so. Eat.
(modify this if you want as I'm not sure if I got this recipe right)
1 banana, split lengthwise
1 bowl of berries
chocolate sauce (make your own, or buy it in the store)
1 scoop of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate each
whipped cream
place the banana slices on the bowl, flat side down. Put the vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice cream scoops on top of them. Pour the chocolate sauce on top of them. Add the whipped cream and berries on top of the whole thing and enjoy
Get pan.
Set entire kitchen on fire to save time.
Enjoy!
boneless chicken breasts.
saltine crackers
parmesan cheese
margarine, butter, or I can't believe it's not butter... anything like this will work.
mixing bowl
microwaveable pie pan like thing (mine is a glass pie pan)
Do the following:
thaw chicken breasts and wash... remove skin if desired.
crush crackers on wax paper to semi fine powder. Mix in equal amount of parmesan cheese.
melt butter in mixing bowl.
Dip chicken breasts in butter, then roll them in the cracker/cheese mix until they're well coated.
place in microwaveable dish.
pour leftover butter and cracker/cheese mix on top.
microwave for 8 to 10 minutes.
profit.
surprisingly enough this recipe is pretty healthy. Just don't overdo it. [ 01-31-2004: Message edited by: Kermitov ]
Ingredients: Macaroni and cheese
Ground beef
Cook beef until browned, while at the same time cooking mac 'n cheese. When both are done, strain grease from meat. Add meat to mac. Serve. Eat. Fall asleep.
Don't ruin my perfectly good idiocy with your damn logic.
16 oz bag/box of medium shell pasta
1 jar Ragu Double Cheese sauce (it's the yellow one)
1 pack Hot Dogs (Oscar Mayer is suggested, but whatever brand you like)
1 can Hormel chilli
Requires: 1 large pot, 1 large spoon, 1 knife/butterknife
Prepare the pasta as per instructions on the container. While the pasta is cooking, cut the hot dogs into small bits. Smaller than bite sized works best. Add them to the cooking pasta.
Drain the hot water off, but don't rinse the pasta/hot dog mix. Leave it in the pot. Add the Ragu sauce and the can of chilli. Stir and heat till completely warm.
Enjoy.
quote:
This insanity brought to you by Led:
Cooking with Led:Get pan.
Set entire kitchen on fire to save time.
Enjoy!
Dear Led,
I tried your recipe and may I say that it is excellent. Little did I know that setting my kitchen on fire with a pan available but unused would result in the most wonderful sweet cinnamon rolls I have ever eaten. They are like munching on pure heaven. You have truly discovered the secret of cooking.
Yours truly, Kermitov.
1 chicken breast, bonless.
1 can canned peaches - light syrup
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 onion, chopped (optional)
1 serving of ramen/rice (cooked)
utensils:
Knife, can opener, spoon, measuring cup if you are feeling exact, skillet.
cook chicken breast in pan. Cook it any way you like - with water (healthier) or oil (yukcier), or whatever, until it's cooked.
Take it out, put it on cutting board. cut into pieces no bigger then your thumb (smaller's ok). then put it back in the pan.
Add about a cup of peaches - eyeball it, and just add what you think you'll eat. make sure enough liquid gets in to covor the bottom of the pan - if you're worried, add some water. This is the sauce so eyeball how much liquid for yuor own tastes.
Heat. Stir. Add ketchup and stir some more til the liquid is orange.
Add onions if you like them. Cook some more, til everything's hot.
Pour over rice/raman.
ENJOY.
Clean all pans afterward.
This is the best stuff in the world. It sounds gross, but we've actually had it for Chirstmas dinner, before.
Chicken and peaches cantonese.. Mmmmm..
quote:
Kermitov had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
you will need:boneless chicken breasts.
saltine crackers
parmesan cheese
margarine, butter, or I can't believe it's not butter... anything like this will work.
mixing bowl
microwaveable pie pan like thing (mine is a glass pie pan)
Do the following:
thaw chicken breasts and wash... remove skin if desired.crush crackers on wax paper to semi fine powder. Mix in equal amount of parmesan cheese.
melt butter in mixing bowl.
Dip chicken breasts in butter, then roll them in the cracker/cheese mix until they're well coated.
place in microwaveable dish.
pour leftover butter and cracker/cheese mix on top.
microwave for 8 to 10 minutes.
profit.
surprisingly enough this recipe is pretty healthy. Just don't overdo it.
I just fry that in a pan personally... Olive Oil isn't that bad. 
You can use japanese breadcrumbs or crackers... I also like to season the 'breading' before using it.
1 Can of condensed milk
Do not open the can. Peel off the label but do not open it. Fill a pot with enough water so that the entire can is covered. Boil the can on a medium-high heat for four hours. WATCH THE CAN! This is a high-pressure recipe! if it begins to warp or bow outwards, take it off the heat and cool it immediatly, then replace on a lower heat.
Open, eat straight or slice and cover with chocolate sauce.
quote:
Random Insanity Generator impressed everyone with:
I just fry that in a pan personally... Olive Oil isn't that bad.You can use japanese breadcrumbs or crackers... I also like to season the 'breading' before using it.
Usually I only use the oven/stove when something wont fit in the microwave
sometimes with disasterous results...
I have yet to fuck that one up [ 02-01-2004: Message edited by: Kermitov ]
Potstickers:
============
What you need:
Ground beef/turkey/pork/sausage/whatever
Onions (diced)
Sesame Oil (do not get the stuff thats yellowish, it has no flavour, get the brown stuff)
General cooking oil
Soy Sauce
WonTon Wrappers (check your produce section.)
(Optional) Minced Garlic.
In a frying pan, cook up the meat. Add Soy sauce and sesame oil (dont need a lot of the oil atall if it's good, it can be quite flavourful). After meat begins to brown, add onions and garlic. Cook until meat is throughly done.
Remove meat into bowl. Let cool some (so you dont burn yourself in the next step.).
Take a wonton wrapper, put the still warm (not hot) meat inside, squeeze so that the heat melts the wrapper a little. Often I find adding a 2nd wrapper on each potsticker helps keep them together.
Add general oil to frying pan. Put in the wrapped meat you created.
Fry until a little crispy. WATCH carefully, because easy to burn. Flip them as needed.
Remove, and eat.
Chicken Marsala like substance:
===============================
What you need:
Tomato based Spaghetti sauce
boneless chicken breast, sliced into chunks
Onion (chunked)
Pepper (chunked)
Curry Powder (check your spice area of store. Should be cheap)
Cook chicken in frying pan, adding spices as desired (not curry yet).
Once chicken is close to being cooked, add peppers and onions.
After this is all cooked, add spaghetti sauce and curry powder and cook a little longer.
Serve over rice.
roast roof rat
put out traps with peanut butter catch a roof rat.
feild dress rat
marinete in weichisher for 5 hours
add garlic to taste
pre heat oven to 450
put your rats in the oven baste with beef broth
toss in a few patatoes if you have them.
mmmmmmmmmmmmm
6 corn tortillas 6 mice parboiled, stripped, boned, chopped, seasoned. 2-3 large red dried chilies soaked in water 5 min. l chopped green onion, cilantro for decorating. oil/onions. salt pepper to taste.
Make regular enchilada sauce by grinding the soaked chilies in the pot liquor, and straining well to separate the Chile skin from the Chile's red meat. Then, fry onions, throw sauce in for l minute. Set aside.
Heat tortillas on a greased skillet, drop into sauce until covered, pull out, then fill the sopping wet tortilla with about 2 -3 finely chopped or hand shredded roof rats, roll. Set rolls in a dish, line all six up. Pour remaining sauce on top. Decorate with any old cheese, l chopped green onion. Bake l5 min at 350
Cured roof rat
This is probably best with 9 -12 well aged rats. First you need a crock that is big enough to hold the rats you want to cure. First make the brine.
For three gallons of brine, add to your crock:
1 1/2 lb. Kosher Salt, 5 oz. Sugar, 2 Tbs. Peppercorns, 1 Tbs. Whole Cloves
6 Bay Leaves, 10 Tbs. Pickling Spices, 2 Onions, Sliced , 12 Cloves Garlic, crushed, 10 Small Hot Dry Red Chiles, and enough cold pure water to make three gallons.
Stir until sugar and salt are dissolved. Add rats, do not pack tightly, they need some room. A half ounce or so of Nitrate is protection against the possibility of Botulism. When the rats are in the crock, cover them with a plate, and put something on the plate heavy enough to ensure the rats will stay submerged in the brine. Tie a cloth over the top of the crock to keep out bugs. Store in a cool spot. Turn the rats every few days. A scum of white mold may form on top, but that is normal. The rats will be ready to cook in 2-3 weeks. What you don't use immediately freezes well.
Roof Rat pie
Take 4 potatoes, boil, mash, season, add cream, line 8" pie shell with them.
Boil six medium sized Roof Rats.
If the rodents are the right size, you should have 2 cups of rat meat (depending if you've cleaned the carcasses well enough.) Season with salt, pepper, cayenne, add l cup blanched, chopped almonds, l cup cracker crumbs, l egg, (reserve l tsp for topping) making a burger.
OPTIONAL: bell pepper, onions, cilantro, parsley, thyme, oregano, l can creamed corn. roof rats, rats, roof rats, roof rats, rats, roof rats, roof rats, rats, roof rats,
Fill the pie. Cover with more potatoes. Use egg/cream to wipe down pie so it toasts brownish in oven.
Deep Fried Field Rat
4 mature rats or 8 small rats
10-15 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tbs. salt [ 02-02-2004: Message edited by: Somthor ]
1/2 tsp. pepper
Skin and gut the rats, removing the head and toes. Mix garlic, salt, and pepper into a paste, spread on the meat, then place in direct sunlight for 6 to 8 hours, until dry. Fry in deep vegetable oil for about 6-7 minutes, until crispy and yellow in color. Serve with sticky rice, sweet-sour sauce, fish sauce, or a hot chili paste, and raw vegetables
Ramen (I used 1 Chicken and 1 Mushroom)
Spam (one of the 'half-sized' cans)
Water
Boil water first. Use an oversized pot and more water than you want in the soup. Once the water is boiling, put in the noodles. Once the noodles begin to soften (just when they're no longer stiff, but not actually fully cooked yet) dump in the half can of spam, cubed (and cubing spam is easier than it sounds). Boil the noodles and spam on high till the noodles are done. Dump out the excess water (all depends on how much soup you want) and reduce the burner to about medium-low. Return pot to burner and add in soup mix. Let simmer for a few minutes and you're done.
Alternately you could dump the soup mix in at the very beginning and boil the flavor into the noodles to begin with, then dump all the water and add a little bit of butter and some cheese to make a cassarole thingy.... I'm sure that's even more unhealthy than eating spam and ramen is, but who's counting?
quote:
Random Insanity Generator spewed forth this undeniable truth:
To combat the stupidity of that last recipe and rehash Kenn's spam'n'ramen...
the thread is no ordinary recipe, he said it had to be easy to prepare and cheap. whats cheaper than wild game? and certianly whereever you are there are roof rats (squirels) i even mention how to prepare them to get rid of the potential gamey flavor.
it isnt stupid it jsut wasnt what you expected. Im will to bet that people from other cultures wouldnt have a problem with it at all.
currently i'm looking for my recipes for farming crickets and meals that can be made with them.
English Muffin Pizza (makes 2 per English muffin)
1 English muffin cut in half
1 bottle of Salsa
1 block of mozzarella
1 Slice or stick of pepperoni
1 or 2 fresh mushrooms
any other pizza toppings you like
Spices to taste (I like crushed chili pepper and oregano myself).
Cut the muffin's in half and put on a baking sheet. (I usually make my pizza's in the toaster oven).
Cover with a tblspoon or two of salsa on each.
Add spices.
Cut pepperoni and put on the muffins; from a stick I can usually squeeze 3 slices per muffin.
wash and slice the mushrooms and add on top.
Add any other toppings.
Grate the cheeze and heap it on top.
If I have any available, I'll toss some bacon bits on top of that.
Put in the toaster oven around 350-400 and bake until the cheese is browned.
Recipe 2: Army Sized Spaghetti sauce.
Ingredients:
2 bottles of Spaghetti sauce
1 small package of ground meat.
1 red pepper, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 orange pepper, chopped (optional)
1 celery, chopped (optional)
1 bulb of garlic (use it all up)
3-4 onions
2 cans of mushrooms (optional)
Spices such as Italion seasoning, oregano, basil, crushed chilis, garlic powder
Steps:
Brown the hamburger wiht spices to taste in a pan and set it aside.
In a BIG pot... No bigger thats the right size, put a bit of oil and dump in the chopped onions and garlic and start cooking.
Toss in the hamburger.
Add in the peppers and celery and mix together. Drain the mushrooms and add those as well.
Once everything has been well mixed, add in both bottles of sauce and mix thoroughly. Cover and let simmer for at least as long as it takes to heat up the sauce.
Serve with pasta. Leftover sauce can be frozen for later use; keeps well in the fridge as well. (One big bot of sauce can give me a week of meals out of it)
Meat Pies
Ingrediants:
4 deep pie shells (usually sold 2 to a box)
1 pack of hamburger
1 bag of frozen peas and carrots and corn
2 cans of beef gravy.
1-2 onions
garlic and spices to taste.
Brown up the hamburger with the onions in a frying pan.
In a pot combine the hamburger (you can cook it in the pot if you want) and the frozen vegetables.
Add in the gravy straight from the can.
Mix thoroughly until the vegetables have thawed out. The mixture should NOT be liquidy, but very thick.
Once the cooking is done, take 2 of the shells (in their pans of course) and fill them evenly with the mixture.
Wet the edges of the remaining pie shells, and the filled pieshells, then tip the empty shells over top of the filled ones to form a cover. Pinch the shells closed and trie to spread out the dough to look better.
Pierce the top of the covered pies and bake at around 350 until the shells are cooked.
Take out and let sit for a few minutes, then cut and serve.
Uncooked pies can be frozen for later baking.
Finally, my mom's Lasagna recipie:
1 pack of hamburger
Garlic and Onions
1 big can of tomato paste (not sauce, paste)
1 can of tomatoes (whole or diced, you'll be squishing htem up anyways)
1 medium sized can of Parmisian cheese
enough mozzarella slices to cover the lasagna dish
1 carton of cottage cheese
1 can of mushrooms if you wnat.
1 package of lasagna noodles.
Steps:
Cook enough noodles to make 3 layers of noodles in your dish. (You can use the 'cook in the oven' noodles but I like the ones you have to boil.
Fry up the hamburger, onions and garlic. Add mushrooms if you want.
Mix in the tomatoes and the tomato paste to the meat, to make a thick mixture. Cook for a bit.
In a bowl, mix the cottage cheese and the parmisian cheese until you have a dry mixture. You WILL need a lot of parmisian cheese.
Now to assemble the lasagna
In your dish put a very thin layer (a couple of table spoons) of sauce on the bottom.
then put a layer of noodles on the bottom.
Fill the pan wiht half of the meat sauce.
Add another layer of noodles.
Put the cheese mixture in next.
The last of the noodles.
The last of the sauce.
Cover with the mozzarella cheese.
Put the entire thing in the oven around 350 or so. To catch any splatters you may want to put a baking sheet under it as well.
Cook until the cheese has browned.
Take out and let sit for 15 minutes or so.
Cut and serve. Tastes great nuked the next few days as well.
quote:
Scotch Eggs
(eggs are cheep, right?)
Eek! An unintentional pun!
Geek code version 3.12: GO d-(--) s-:- a--- C++ w PS+ PE- t--- 5? R+ tv+ b+++ DI+++ G- e* h r++ x?3 to 4 lbs of squirrel (you can sub rabbit)
3 to 4 tbsp butter or margerine
1/4 tbsp garlic powder
Paprika (to taste)
1 cup water
1 tsp / cube chicken bullion
4 strips BACON cut into thirds
1 cup red currant jelly
1 cup cranberry juice
______________________
cut meat in to serving pices, wash and pat dry. In a skillet, melt 3 table sppons of butter and stir in garlic powder. cook for a few moments then add meat and cook til well browned. Sprinkle with paprike while browning...
add bacon pices and stir fry until crisp. drain all but 2 table spoons of any excicive grease.
now add your water lower the heat and cover and simmer for 40 minutes or until meat is tender. add water as required to keep water leve at 1/2 a cup.
TURN meat several times when the meat is done turn the heat up and let the water boil down. remove your meat to a hot plate to keep warm. stir jelly and cranberry joice into the pan and cook til its hot. then pour over your meat.
serves about 4 people I suggest wild rice as a side dish
Spicy Apple glaze
3/4 cup apple jelly
1/4 tsp pumkin pie spice
1/4 cup apple juice (or white wine)
combine and heat til jelly melts and glaze is hot good for basting any roast or barbecue wild fowl makes about a cup
