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Author
Topic: Commercials that make you want to commit mass murder
JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 06-13-2003 03:10:17 AM
Those Dr. Scholls gel insole commercials with all those people talking about wearing them like they're so damned cool.
I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Korvus
Pancake
posted 06-13-2003 03:11:33 AM
I'm like Magellan i'm so gellin'.
Chalesm
There is no innuendo in this title.
posted 06-13-2003 03:11:46 AM
But... but... they're gellin'!
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Douglas Adams, 1952-2001

Falaanla Marr
I AM HOT CHIX
posted 06-13-2003 03:15:14 AM
quote:
Chalesm said this about your mom:
But... but... they're gellin'!

You're so not gellin.

JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 06-13-2003 03:18:14 AM
quote:
Falaanla Marr thought about the meaning of life:
You're so not gellin.

I try to make it better by pretending they're beating that guy with baseball bats at the very end of the commercial a la the "Silly Hats Only" bit from Rejected, but it just doesn't help...

The only thing that can save them now is fire. Pure, cleansing fire.

I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Y.O.T.C
No longer a Towel Girl
posted 06-13-2003 03:40:52 AM
What about those damndable "Fanta" comercials...
Fizodeth
an unflattering title
posted 06-13-2003 03:48:08 AM
quote:
JooJooFlop stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
The only thing that can save them now is fire. Pure, cleansing fire.

Let's talk price...

Il Buono
You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend.
posted 06-13-2003 11:45:40 AM
Wanta Fanta?
"Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig."
Steven Steve
posted 06-13-2003 11:47:01 AM
A sandwich? A sandwich!!
"Absolutely NOTHING [will stop me from buying Diablo III]. I will buy it regardless of what they do."
- Grawbad, Battle.net forums

"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums

Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 06-13-2003 11:47:17 AM
That guy with the high-pitched voice for the short infomercial about the book listing all these Government benefits and money. I hate that guy.
Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 06-13-2003 11:49:55 AM
quote:
Katrinity stopped beating up furries long enough to write:
That guy with the high-pitched voice for the short infomercial about the book listing all these Government benefits and money. I hate that guy.

Dude, Lasko pwns you.

I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 06-13-2003 11:56:04 AM
He must be stopped!

<builts a giant catapult and puts JooJoo in it, firing at that guy!>

Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
JooJooFlop
Hungry Hungry Hippo
posted 06-13-2003 11:58:29 AM
*lands on Lasko, making the poor guy a bloody smear on the ground*

Ewwwww...

*takes Lasko's suit and glasses and runs off to bug Kat a whole bunch*

I don't know how to be sexy. If I catch a girl looking at me and our eyes lock, I panic and open mine wider. Then I lick my lips and rub my genitals. And mouth the words "You're dead."
Comrade Snoota
Communist
Da, Tovarisch!
posted 06-13-2003 12:01:21 PM
Those stupid fucking subway commercials. Especially the ones on the bus and in the bank.
You smell that? Do you smell that? ...Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory.
Azakias
Never wore the pants, thus still wields the power of unused (_|_)
posted 06-13-2003 02:41:16 PM
You know that one where they have the bad music and the stupid fat guy who contorts his face and makes noises? The new sprite commercial. "Make it Funk" or something like that.

I feel the urge to kill start to rise every time I see it.

"Age by age have men stood up and said to the world, 'From what has come before me, I was forged, but I am new and greater than my forebears.' And so each man walks the world in ruin, abandoned and untried. Less than the whole of his being"
Azizza
VANDERSHANKED
posted 06-13-2003 02:47:18 PM
More Spam Please!


Need I say more.
/shiver

"Pacifism is a privilege of the protected"
NAME TOO LONG
Pancake
posted 06-13-2003 02:48:27 PM
Wal-Mart commercials.

They always win the "How corny can we get?" game.

Kegwen
Sonyfag
posted 06-13-2003 02:51:10 PM
quote:
Comrade Snoota probably says this to all the girls:
Those stupid fucking subway commercials. Especially the ones on the bus and in the bank.

Eat fresh!

Katrinity
Cookie Goddess!
posted 06-13-2003 02:53:15 PM
quote:
NAME TOO LONG had this to say about the Spice Girls:
Wal-Mart commercials.

They always win the "How corny can we get?" game.


Omg! DIE!!! <slays the sigpic!> ^.^

Cookie Goddess Supreme
Furry Kitsune of Power!
Pouncer of the 12th degree!
"Cxularath ftombn gonoragh pv'iornw hqxoxon targh!"
Translated: "Sell your soul for a cookie?"
`Doc
Cold in an Alley
posted 06-13-2003 07:51:24 PM
quote:
Kegwen had this to say about Knight Rider:
Subway! Eat freshflesh!
The 7-up commercials are really starting to get on my nerves. Okay, so the T-shirts are funny but enough already. I keep picturing him on the show Jackass... and I don't even watch that show.
Base eight is just like base ten, really... if you're missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer
There are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that! - Tom Lehrer
I want to be a race car passenger; just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..." - Mitch Hedberg
Please keep your arms, legs, heads, tails, tentacles, pseudopods, wings, and/or other limb-like structures inside the ride at all times.
Please submit all questions, inquests, and/or inquiries, in triplicate, to the Department of Redundancy Department, Division for the Management of Division Management Divisions.

Azureusu
Don't whip your dick out til she asks.. or til she's sleepin..
posted 06-13-2003 08:13:21 PM
Old. Navy.
Reyolen
Wanders too much for a custom title
posted 06-13-2003 08:20:09 PM
quote:
{Tal} probably says this to all the girls:
Old. Navy.
EXACTLY!!!
Jajahotep
Vader to Deth's Obi-wan
posted 06-13-2003 08:25:09 PM
quote:
Comrade Snoota spewed forth this undeniable truth:
Those stupid fucking subway commercials. Especially the ones on the bus and in the bank.

Ever notice the black guy looks like a cross between Seinfeld and Tiger Woods? I swear that is their love child!

Oh and I hate the Yellowbook commercials.

Vorago
A completely different kind of Buckethead
posted 06-13-2003 08:32:45 PM
Those stupid poptart commercials that always end with that white guy sticking his hand out and going "DDDaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmnnn!"
Kekvit Irae
Pancake
posted 06-13-2003 08:48:39 PM
The DQ Commercial "Yeah, they're thick"
KaLourin
Illanae's Stooge!
posted 06-13-2003 08:54:31 PM
quote:
Everyone wondered WTF when {Tal} wrote:
Old. Navy.
Dont make me slap you so hard your bucket spins around, and around,and stops sideways,thus confusing you, and making you run about London wearing your bucket, a g-string, and carrying a stick,smacking the ground while yelling "MAGICALLY DELICIOUS! MAGICALLY FUCKING DELICIOUS!"- {Tal} to Mortious
Hebrew 9:3- 'And the Lord said unto me, "Dude, there isn't a K in covenant."' - Snoota

This beer drops trou and fucks your mouth with pure hoppy goodness. - Karnaj
Palador ChibiDragon
Dismembered
posted 06-13-2003 09:00:30 PM
quote:
{Tal} spewed forth this undeniable truth:
Old. Navy.
I believe in the existance of magic, not because I have seen proof of its existance, but because I refuse to live in a world where it does not exist.
Blindy
Roll for initiative, Monkey Boy!
posted 06-13-2003 09:30:42 PM
quote:
Just when we thought {Tal} couldn't get any dumber, they said:
Old. Navy.
On a plane ride, the more it shakes,
The more I have to let go.
Emily
Why's everybody always hittin on me?
posted 06-13-2003 09:33:10 PM
quote:
When the babel fish was in place, it was apparent Falaanla Marr said:
You're so not gellin.

LOL. I thought that was funny.

Er, there was this 'Holiday Special' commercial that was on all the time, for weeks after the Holidays for S&K Suits.... ARGH. That guy was so corny, playing that song on the piano and singing...

Should've done something, but I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you

Should've said something, but I've said it enough
By the way my words were faded
Rather waste some time with you...

Maradon!
posted 06-13-2003 10:12:32 PM
quote:
Azizzaing:
More Spam Please!


Need I say more.
/shiver


SPAM IS DELICIOUS

Comrade Snoota
Communist
Da, Tovarisch!
posted 06-13-2003 10:32:20 PM
quote:
Ford Prefect was naked while typing this:
The 7-up commercials are really starting to get on my nerves. Okay, so the T-shirts are funny but enough already. I keep picturing him on the show Jackass... and I don't even watch that show.

The old 7-Up Commercials with Orlando Bloom or whatever his name was were hilarious, but then he stopped doing them and they tried to make the same commercials with a guy who looked exactly the same, and they sucked.

Make 7.. up yours!

You smell that? Do you smell that? ...Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory.
Skaw
posted 06-13-2003 10:41:25 PM
quote:
Comrade Snoota had this to say about Tron:
The old 7-Up Commercials with Orlando Bloom or whatever his name was were hilarious, but then he stopped doing them and they tried to make the same commercials with a guy who looked exactly the same, and they sucked.

Make 7.. up yours!


Orlando Bloom:

Orlando Jones:

Y.O.T.C
No longer a Towel Girl
posted 06-13-2003 10:43:34 PM
quote:
Skaw had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
Orlando Bloom:

Orlando Jones:


Clarification GOOD!

Comrade Snoota
Communist
Da, Tovarisch!
posted 06-13-2003 10:50:27 PM
Yeah, I realized that after I had posted. But I was too busy watching Cowboy Bebop to care.

Cowboy Bebop > Orlando Jones > Orlando Bloom

You smell that? Do you smell that? ...Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory.
Palador ChibiDragon
Dismembered
posted 06-14-2003 12:42:25 AM
Also, there's a grocery store chain here called "No Frills". The owner tries to do the Dave from Wendy's bit by staring in his own comercials.

They suck.

He sucks.

His whole family sucks.

They all need to die, or at least be sent someplace very nasty with basketball sized headlice.

I haven't seen any of his commericals lately, maybe he's finally dead?

I believe in the existance of magic, not because I have seen proof of its existance, but because I refuse to live in a world where it does not exist.
Razor
posted 06-14-2003 01:22:49 AM
Local Furnature commercials for one and then there are some really odd ones otherwise.
Astronomy is a passion...
Engineering is a love...
My job isn't a job, it's my career, and I love every minute of it: Observatory Superintendent
Sentow, Maybe
Pancake
posted 06-14-2003 01:50:38 AM
Around here there's a club called Club Extreme. A typical radio spot goes like this:

This Friday night is going to be extreme at Club Extreme, where the extreme ladies get in free 'till 10 and the extreme longnecks are just one extreme buck. Club Extreme (extreme!), home of the extreme chocolate bikini contest (extreme! EXTREME). Come in for extreme dancing all night at Club Extreme!

EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME.

[ 06-14-2003: Message edited by: Sentow, Maybe ]

Once more into the breach, my friends, once more. We'll close the wall with our dead. In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.
Mooj
Scorned Fanboy
posted 06-14-2003 01:53:10 AM
The top three most revolting, in order of sheer horribility...

Old Navy.

"Go desert!" (Vegas people should know this, everyone else should be grateful that they don't.)

Gellin'

Drysart
Pancake
posted 06-14-2003 02:18:35 AM
quote:
Comrade Snoota tried to impress everyone with:
Yeah, I realized that after I had posted. But I was too busy watching Cowboy Bebop to care.

Cowboy Bebop > Orlando Jones > Orlando Bloom


die plz

Grendel
Pancake
posted 06-14-2003 02:41:02 AM
quote:
This insanity brought to you by Azakias:
You know that one where they have the bad music and the stupid fat guy who contorts his face and makes noises? The new sprite commercial. "Make it Funk" or something like that.

I feel the urge to kill start to rise every time I see it.


I love that guy Rahzell I always think of SSX Tricky when I see those commericals.

The ones I hate are the Old Navy ones.

All times are US/Eastern
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