quote:
Sentow, Maybe thought about the meaning of life:
Cheer me up, please? I'll reward you with, um, balloons. Filled with... oreos?
Cheer up damn you! 
quote:
Verily, Sentow, Maybe doth proclaim:
Cheer me up, please? I'll reward you with, um, balloons. Filled with... oreos?
Mmmmmmmmh oreos! 
A few pictures to warm your heart. ^.^
No? Well, it was worth a shot.
The Trial
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."
Who Died the Worst Death?
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't
find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place
I looked was out on the balcony.
I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back
in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he
yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,
and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He
landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed
him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back into the bedroom and shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this
apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning
exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the
sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,
I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and
holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when
this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and
started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but
he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull
myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my
fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I
landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of
luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous
refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and
crushing me."
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken
bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a
refrigerator..."
50 Fun things to do at Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to
join.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen
you in so long." etc. See if they play along.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"
20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm....I thought
the customer was always right!"
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask
the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as
possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission Impossible.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo.
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out
much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
*BONUS*
1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without
getting kicked out.
2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you
can make.
quote:
The logic train ran off the tracks when Sentow, Maybe said:
Cheer me up, please? I'll reward you with, um, balloons. Filled with... oreos?
OREOS!!
*dances for Sentow*
Art thou not entertained?
quote:
Lazzay had this to say about Pirotess:
When I read this topic, I thought it said "A small flavor".
New and improved Sentow flavored threads! Now with 30% less content.
Alek, Mog, and Kermitov all get 1 Oreo balloon.
Katrinity gets three for her redoubled efforts.
Mortious gets a voucher for three one-hour sessions with Dr. Phil.
Suchii and Kegwen (who posted greatly amusing things in other threads) also get three balloons.
EDIT: Ack, I missed one! Trillee gets three balloons. [ 05-21-2003: Message edited by: Sentow, Maybe ]
quote:
Sentow, Maybe spewed forth this undeniable truth:
Suchii and Kegwen (who posted greatly amusing things in other threads) also get three balloons.
What did I say that was funny? I'm not used to people laughing at my posts. (Unless they're laughing at how absurd it is)
quote:
NAME TOO LONG stopped staring at Deedlit long enough to write:
WTF?
quote:
How.... Kegwen.... uughhhhhh:
What did I say that was funny? I'm not used to people laughing at my posts.(Unless they're laughing at how absurd it is)
In the Buffy finale thread, you posted a link to EW's take on the episode, which was headlined, "THANKS FOR THE ANGST." I immediately saw its potential as a substitute for "SENSATIONAL DRAMA!" and burst into laughter.
