Flavoured milk drinks threaten the family pet!

Author

Topic: Flavoured milk drinks threaten the family pet!

Blackedout

Pancake

posted 08-05-2001 09:12:00 PM

The following message was blatantly stolen from usenet, I did not create it but I do enjoy it.

global drainage consortiums eradicate your clothing!

periods of insufficient butter intake confuse unwanted lice?

livestock movements deplete your thoughts!

THE SCAREMONGER WARNING GENERATOR (SWARG for short).

ever had one of those warning e-mails, the sort that tell you you're going
to have a heart attack because of food additives, or that your soul is in
danger from the four horsemen of the apocalypse? want to do some yourself?
read on...

using the tables below, create your own paranoia-inducing warning and send
them to friends, relatives and world leaders. simply pick an option from
each list-

the cause list

international beverages/tinned meats/nocturnal emissions/genetically
modified fruits /global conspiracies of some kind/government mind control
experiments/capitalist schemes/alternating electrical current surges/chronic
self abuse episodes/flavoured milk drinks/religious thoughts/american t.v.
talk shows/conversations/periods of insufficient butter intake/global
drainage consortiums/livestock movements/reduced levels of vitamin R/unknown
fluids/tight socks/intervals of unrestrained listening/items of beige
furniture/regular periods of sleep/furtive eye movements/damp towels/short
intervals during rapid walking/intermittent surgical operations/subliminal
newspaper adverts/long periods of lurking.

the effect list

damage/maim/reduce/inhibit/shrink/engorge/delay/infect/dissolve/irritate/con
fuse/increase/
destroy/excite/exhaust/fatigue/disconcert/deplete/corrupt/unnerve/threaten/w
orry/shorten/
diminish/stupefy/eradicate/lengthen/explode/evacuate/incubate/repress/stain/
taint.

the result list

your thoughts/your spleen/family relations/your sexual prowess/the global
economy/your clothing/your desire to eat/this reality/the space-time
continuum/your friends/your arms/the government/the skin/the ability to
rotate/the ozone/useful chemical products/your partner/your emotions/your
grandmother/global warming/the next ice-age/the family pet/fluidic
orbs/strangers/unwanted lice/the ability to breath/the children of the
night/your co-ordination/ regular fruit deliveries/meat products/your
thighs/world banking/the freemasons/your conceptual pyramid.

finally, add an exclamation mark (or question mark if you prefer) to your
warning and you're done!

here's some examples-

UNKNOWN FLUIDS ENGORGE THE FAMILY PET!
RELIGIOUS THOUGHTS SHORTEN THIS REALITY!
FURTIVE EYE MOVEMENTS DISSOLVE YOUR THIGHS?
CONVERSATIONS STUPEFY YOUR PARTNER?
REDUCED LEVELS OF VITAMIN R INHIBIT THE ABILITY TO ROTATE!
CAPITALIST SCHEMES STAIN YOUR EMOTIONS!
GOVERNMENT MIND CONTROL EXPERIMENTS SHORTEN THE SKIN?

-New Sig Coming *Soon*-

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Lenlalron Flameblaster

posted 08-06-2001 04:22:00 AM

Long periods of lurking destroy your sexual prowess!

Why lurkers should COME OUT NOW AND FACE THE MUSIC IN THIS VERY THREAD.

Grammar is your enemy! - While being able to understand someone's sentences might seem like a good idea for a proper essay, complaining on a forum scarcely leaves time for such trivialities. Write fast! You're angry, grrr! Make that show, and forget about things like capital letters, punctuation, and verbs.

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Ruvie's Alt

Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

posted 08-06-2001 06:53:00 AM

Government mind control experiments threaten your spleen!

(I just couldn't leave out "spleen".)

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