filed by Moorgard
07/06/2001 11:32 AM CDT
"Honey, what kind of character should I make?"
These are words that are sure to perk up the ears of even the most hardened EQ addict (unless, of course, that player subscribes to the Kostanzian "worlds" theory and wants to keep his play time separate from his relationship time--but that's another article).
The response you receive, ladies, will tell you something about the type of man you're hooked up with.
As far as class goes, don't read a lot into it. If he's got any dedication to the game at all, he'll want you to play a class that complements his main character well. If he's melee, he'll want a healer/buffer. If he's a priest type, he'll want you to be a melee character. He's bound to take the practical approach here.
But when it comes to race, his choice will reveal some romantic inclinations that you might never have known about.
Let's examine the different races and what suggesting them for your character could indicate.
Wood Elf - Ah, a common choice. No female race looks as delightfully naughty when naked as a wood elf. If he suggests your character take on the lithe elven form, it means your man enjoys petite-yet-well-proportioned women. He likes the outdoorsy nature of the wood elf, and dreams of getting dirty on a camping trip with his little Dolores Hayes. Humbert Humbert alert!
Half Elf - The short-haired half elf indicates that he likes the hearty--dare I say?--masculine side of his woman, but he still wants it wrapped up in a lovely package. The half elf woman is very feminine, but without the damsel-in-distress look of the wood elf. Alternately, he might just like thongs, as naked half elf women are the clear leaders in this field.
High Elf - A man who asks you to play a high elf probably prefers tall blondes, and more than likely has a schoolteacher/librarian fetish. He likes women who are smart and proper, but who are willing to tell him when he's being a naughty boy. It's a good bet that he'll want you to let your hair down at times, too.
Dark Elf - Requesting you to take on this evil race is a sure indication of a dark side in your man. He likes the petite look of the wood elves, but wants to experiment with something a little less wholesome. Your guy probably has a thing for bondage--especially if he insists that you never upgrade your leather ass-pants. Don a corset in real life and carry a whip, and I'll bet you have no trouble luring him away from that keyboard.
Human - A guy that prefers the human model is one that is probably pretty straightforward. He likes his meat and potatoes, watches Monday Night Football, and drinks Miller High Life. Ain't nothing wrong with that, gals--you've got yourself a winner. The only possible exception is if he wants you to play a human monk, which indicates a definite tatoo fetish and a love for skimpy silk tops. Expect your fingers to get a workout from the long cyber sessions.
Erudite - The women of Erudin and Paineel are tall, dark-skinned beauties with the sharpest minds around. If your man asks you to play an Erudite, it means he's not afraid to admit that you're smarter than he is, which is a good thing. He's a confident guy who enjoys an exotic look. Alternately, he might never have gotten over his arousal when reading "Little Red Riding Hood" as a pre-teen. If he asks you to go with him to grandmother's house, just smile and play along.
Barbarian - This one's pretty obvious--he likes 'em big and rough. He appreciates a statuesque woman who can impose her will upon him. Especially if he's playing a smaller race, asking you to play a barbarian indicates that he wants you to be in the driver's seat. Take advantage of it. Take it as a sign that he wants you to literally yank him from the keyboard and ruffle his feathers a bit. Also, he might ask you to get a tatoo on your face. Tell him no.
Gnome - Saying that he likes a petite woman doesn't even cut it here. If you want to look at it positively, maybe he's really into the "cute" look. But watch for warning signs of pedophilia, and if he starts using the term "spinner" a lot, you might think about moving on.
Halfling - If he wants you as a halfling, he's into Norwegian housewives and/or midwestern Lutheran hotdish potluck meals. Alternately, if he walks around humming Sir Mix-a-Lot songs, he might just be into the booty shaking that only a halfling woman can provide.
Dwarf - He's definitely got a thing for short, stubby women, but there may be more to it. He might be trying to tell you that it's time for you to hit the depilatory a little harder, or to scale back a bit on the eyebrow thing. Take it as a gentle nudge towards thinning out the facial hair. No one wants to hang around the bearded lady in real life--unless he's a professional carnival geek, in which case you should just keep doing what you're doing.
Ogre or Troll - I'll lump these two together, because they both mean the same thing. If you want to look at either of these choices in the best light possible, it means he doesn't care one bit about looks, and can't figure out why some guys get off on leering at naked female EQ characters. Good for you. On the negative side, he might be saying that you are an ogre or troll--which would be bad. If he starts referring to you as "the old troll," whack him upside the head and cancel his credit card. That'll teach him.
Iksar - I'm not even going to touch this one. If he wants you to play an Iksar, he's a freak. Run far away, quickly.
I hope this handy guide helps you ladies understand your men a bit better. But beware: if you get sucked in to the world of Norrath as deeply as he is, you'll soon be fighting over who has to restock the frozen pizzas and Doritos every week. Something like that can be hard on a relationship, so proceed with caution.
That was great!!!! I loved it!!
quote:
Iksar - I'm not even going to touch this one. If he wants you to play an Iksar, he's a freak. Run far away, quickly.
hehehe
quote:
Originally posted by Kagrama:
What's wrong with iksar women?
Nothing, the writer's just hoping that anyone that got started playing an Iksar woman because of their husband will quickly become available. That way, he won't feel bad about hitting on them.
