Is this really true? - EverCrest Message Forums

Author

Topic: Is this really true?

Stymie

Pancake

posted 06-27-2001 07:13:00 AM

My cousin Robin sent me this and it cracked me up! So I thought I'd share it with the rest of you.

Translations of female speech

"Fine"
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we
are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use 'fine' to describe
how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel
that
it's an even trade.

"Nothing"
This means something and you should be on your toes. 'Nothing'is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing' usually signifies an argument that
will last 'Five Minutes' and end with the word 'Fine'.

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
'Nothing' and will end with the word 'Fine'.

"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This means 'I give up' or 'do what you want because I don't care'. You
will get a raised eyebrow 'Go Ahead' in just a few minutes, followed by
'Nothing' and 'Fine' and she will talk to you in about 'Five Minutes' when
she cools off.

"Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A 'Loud Sigh' means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over 'Nothing'.

"Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. 'Soft Sighs' are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

"Oh"
This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; 'Oh, let me get
that'. Or, 'Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night'. If
she says 'Oh' before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
She
will tell you that she is 'Fine' when she is done tossing your clothes out
the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.

"Oh ..."
As the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie.
Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows,
'Go ahead' followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to
write about them.

"That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man.
'That's Okay' means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you
retributions for what ever it is that you have done. It is often used with
the word 'Fine' and used in conjunction with a raised
eyebrow 'Go Ahead'. At some point in the near future when she has plotted
and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

"Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is
that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a 'That's Okay'.

"Thanks"
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

"Thanks A Lot"
This is much different from 'Thanks'. A woman will say, 'Thanks A Lot' when
she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in
some
callous way, and will be followed by the 'Loud Sigh'. Be careful not to ask
what is wrong after the 'Loud Sigh', as she will only tell you 'Nothing'.