Here's what I've dealt with so far, in no particular order:
1. One customer either buys or receives as a gift (he kept changing his story) a Dojober 450 (fake name). He lets it sit on a shelf in the box for 18 months before he gets around to trying it out. The Dojober 450 has a one-year warranty from date of purchase. 1.5 months ago he decides to finally try it out. It failed last week, so he calls. I determine that not even a cleric epic can save this unit - it needs to be sent in for service. It's out of warranty. He's gotta pay.
He starts bitching at me about how components should no age, he wants a concession, we're bad, reputable company, should ignore the warranty... etc. Argh.
2. Another caller calls - his Dojober stopped working. I do a system reset, which involves pulling all cords out of the unit for a minute. The minute passes, so I tell him to plug them back in. Oops! He's forgotten where the cables go, and his brain stops. I eventually had to refer him to and installer because he lost his ability to tell me what cables were plugged into what, and now he's losing money because he can't view the stock market on his Dojober! This guy also likes draping towels over the top of his Dojober and his TV to keep dust out!
3. An elderly woman calls with the ever-descriptive "It's not working." I try to get her to tell me how the cables are hooked in, but she keeps telling me "Oh, I can't do that," or she gives me hopelessly vague answers that tell me ja... uh, nothing. I try and coax her for ten minutes, but I finally had to tell she was my eyes and my hands, and without this info I couldn't help her.
4. I lost 40 minutes of my life on a relay call. The customer's problem? I don't know.. it boiled down to she was concerned that the data transmission light was not on constantly, it flickered and was off sometimes. When I told her the light was only on when she was moving data, she wanted me to make the light stay on so she could get more data, as long as it didn't cost more...
5. I had another customer wanting to know WHY his Dojober got warm when it was plugged in, even when it was off! Why should it be using energy for no work? ...
6. I had an info call, where this guy wanted to know if it was possible to modify a Dojober so he could run Windows and use a USB hard drive to transfer info from the internet to his pc. I'm like, and so was the person monitoring me, "Why not buy a computer?" Well, he "liked the features" of the Dojober. (Okay okay... the Dojober is a WebTV) I told him he couldn't and no such model was upcoming, then he asks;
"Well, can I attach an ethernet card and a usb so I can use a cable modem?"
There's probably more.... still 2 hours left...
Someone comfort me!
[ 06-19-2001: Message edited by: Mightion Defensor ]
'At least I'm not dead'
/e hands Mightion Defensor a peachis
Now I'm SURE I won't sleep tonight.
Besides, there's only one Peachis, and I don't think she'll like you handing her off like that.
[ 06-19-2001: Message edited by: Mightion Defensor ]
quote:
Originally posted by Mightion Defensor:
Um... you're the wrong gender to be comforting my, mog.
Comforting MY?
Incorrect grammer. The fact it's a typo is irrelevant.
I SMITE THEE.
My favrite ppl are the Old geezers that come in and complain that we can't get parts for stuff bought back in 1950, and the parts just now failed, then raise hell about how sears products are crap
Or today, I had a custmour complain to my boss that is insulted him when i started to Crack up when he wanted to know if i thought he would be able to carry on a 18,000 BTU Air cond on a plane..even my boss started to crack up. (For one unless your a body builder and 18,000 btu unit is heavy for 2 people to carry, and secondly the unit is a sealed system, would kinda blow up if it went air born)
Be happy, It Most deffintly could be worse :P
quote:
Originally posted by Mightion Defensor:
Besides, there's only one Peachis, and I don't think she'll like you handing her off like that.
I feel so used!
quote:
Originally posted by Peachis:
I feel so used!
Shall I administer a Righteous Man Beating, Peachis?
/me scowls at mog, ready to attack
quote:
Originally posted by Mightion Defensor:
Shall I administer a Righteous Man Beating, Peachis?
Necromancer: How DARE you imply that I was involved in a rude act with my undead servant! I will flay the flesh from your bones! I will summon a thousand maggot-ridden corpses to gnaw your flesh! I will trap your soul in-
Ghoul: My ass hurts.
I spend my workdays slicing the 3rd unhealthiest group of foods on the planet (cold cuts) so that parents can shut their fat little kids up for 20 minutes while they take "a wee nip" from their flasks.
Well, maybe that's exagerrating. Here's one that really happened though:
Customer: "What type of ham would you recommend for a six year-old boy who chronically wets his bed?"
Me(thinking I'm sooo clever): "One with high salt content."
Customer: "Why is that?"
Me(now neck deep): "Uhh...well, you see..."
I then explained for like 3 minutes the fundementals of excretory functions to this guy, who was completely fascinated.
Also, I dropped a bologna log today. It bounced. I will never eat cold cuts again. :P
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
"WebTV. Because even AOL users need someone to make fun of."
Working at an amusement park, I can sympathize. Just today I had a person shove a quarter THROUGH a centimeter-thick cardboard "Out of Order" sign just to get to the blocked coin slot, and then bitch when the machine didn't work.
Fortunatly we recently made a rule that "Out of Order" means "Use at your Own Risk".
Plus I have the opprotunity to play little games with blatantly stupid people. I was working at the "Log Jammer Gift Shop" (the log jammer is a sort of flume ride). Needless to say, this gift shop is located mere feet from the actual ride. The ride itself was sporting a TWENTY FOOT WIDE SIGN with it's name on it.
I get a customer asking - you guessed it - "Where's the log jammer?"
I gave the customer directions that would lead them in a complete, scenic path around the perimeter of the park and bring them back precisely to where they were standing. Being stupid, they fell for it. 
In the beginning the Universe was created.Douglas Adams, 1952-2001
Mighteon needs proper instruction in how to deal with people.
I dispatch thee to a place where even the mightest of paladins can become a Shadow Knight: http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html
Read of the Bastard, and gain wisdom. Then get so plastered on beer you don't feel any pain....
I told a customer once that she "had a base level corruption in the Windows networking module." I could literally HEAR her eyes glaze over. She said "Okay...".
I had her reinstall Windows. She would have done it in the middle of the FREEWAY if I'd told her to. 
"What's that?"
"MAGNETS! Wrap your disks up in a pillow case with lots of magnets - Solar Flares hate that"
"Wow! Thanks"
"No worries at all..."
....LOL
And imagine the joy I feel dealing with inept bastards like Might, except they get paid 2 to 5 times as much as I do (and I'm not a cheap bastage to pay either).... 3 letter gov't morons and fortune 100 dipshits.... Gah!
You have my sympathies Mightion....
