edit: feel free to reply with rephrased pitches that sound better diadem fucked around with this message on 03-28-2012 at 08:22 PM.
nem-x fucked around with this message on 03-28-2012 at 08:43 PM.
Voted anyways
quote:
There was much rejoicing when Blindy. said this:
Ok, so you might want to remove "Welcome - My ASP.Net MVC WebPage" title from your site.
Good eye. I was hoping to fix that before anyone noticed. Working on that as we speak 
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Sentence 2: "We noticed a recurring problem..." -- you left out the a.
Sentence 4: The "Convert these games into the social and mobile space..." portion of the sentence sounds awkward -- it is the social and mobile space part that gets me. There has to be a better way to word that.
quote:
Falaanla Marr had this to say about Captain Planet:
"Ten years ago we helped a friend create a successful entertainment convention that expects approximately 10,000 attendees this year. We noticed recurring problem that affected some talented attendees - individuals created complete physical games but lacked the resources to bring them to market. Apocoplay solves this problem by rapidly converting these games into the social and mobile space while using proven practices to immediately monetize the products at low cost."Sentence 4: The "Convert these games into the social and mobile space..." portion of the sentence sounds awkward -- it is the social and mobile space part that gets me. There has to be a better way to word that.
"Apocoplay solves this problem by rapidly creating social/mobile applications while using proven practices to efficiently monetize the products at lower costs." Sound better?
quote:
Random Insanity Generator's fortune cookie read:
"Apocoplay solves this problem by rapidly creating social/mobile applications while using proven practices to efficiently monetize the products at lower costs." Sound better?
Welcome to Apocoplay. This is Apocoplay. Welcome. You can do anything at Apocoplay. Anything at all. The only limit is yourself. Welcome to Apocoplay!
I don't know much about the users of MassChallenge, but even if you have solid proof that the vast majority of people actually watch those videos, I would recommend retuning the elevator pitch to explain exactly what it is that you do. Never assume users will behave the way you think they will.
I expect the users on this website will have low engagement with any given piece of content, so it's vital that you capture their attention quickly.
I read through a few of last year's finalists. The opening sentences on most of them are either stating the problem they're trying to solve, or stating exactly what their company is trying to accomplish.
You're trying to solve the problem of undiscovered talent not having a chance to bring their ideas to market. You solve that problem by turning the best ideas into games. Taeldian fucked around with this message on 04-06-2012 at 09:55 PM.
quote:
Taeldian had this to say about pies:
Just a heads-up: I didn't watch the video because I didn't feel like putting my headphones on, and I was seriously confused about what your company does.I don't know much about the users of MassChallenge, but even if you have solid proof that the vast majority of people actually watch those videos, I would recommend retuning the elevator pitch to explain exactly what it is that you do. Never assume users will behave the way you think they will.
I expect the users on this website will have low engagement with any given piece of content, so it's vital that you capture their attention quickly.
I read through a few of last year's finalists. The opening sentences on most of them are either stating the problem they're trying to solve, or stating exactly what their company is trying to accomplish.
You're trying to solve the problem of undiscovered talent not having a chance to bring their ideas to market. You solve that problem by turning the best ideas into games.
Thanks! This is actually the same advice that I've been getting from former MassChallenge champions. Some of them are going to help me polish a few things up Monday night 
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No rest for the wicked, though.. MassDigi is this weekend.
