EverCrest Message Forums
You are not logged in. Login or Register.
Author
Topic: jesus christ
Mr. Parcelan
posted 02-28-2011 06:35:41 AM
I have been farting like a sinner lately. Like a man who wants to spite God.

In the morning, they are the standard loud, painless BRRRRAAAAAAPPPPPPs that feel like your anus has been replaced with a horse sighing. They eventually slide into the late night remorsefuls, so named because they start strong and eventually go into a slow, soft, warm and soundless sigh that is lost on the wind...until the smell comes back.

It's like, sometimes I feel bad, because sometimes I do expose my friends to this sort of thing. I can't entirely help it...but sometimes I can. And I wonder if I'm not doing enough because I secretly hate them and, while far too passive to actually do anything confrontational, I privately hope to expose them to enough methane poisoning that one day, they will just slide into a sleep so deep and endless that they would thank me for giving them some measure of the peace they sought in life.

...anyway, how are you?

Norim Stumpfighter
Milkmaid
posted 02-28-2011 01:24:22 PM
so what you're saying is that your ass could moonlight as an anesthesiologist?
Mortious
Gluttonous Overlard
posted 02-28-2011 02:56:05 PM
Lately, I've been farting like I've violently shit my pants.

Only without the shit.

Karnaj
Road Warrior Queef
posted 02-28-2011 03:37:41 PM
I can't think of a better way to celebrate Drysart's birthday.
That's the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell. - Chuck Palahniuk, Haunted

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith



Beer.

Dr. Gee
Say it Loud, Say it Plowed!
posted 02-28-2011 04:00:47 PM
I'm trying to get back into the swing of working out again. This entails upping protein and fiber intake. So I'm farting more and it's smelling worse.
Vin~
Crack Dealer
First One's Free!
posted 03-01-2011 12:00:27 AM
Everything's so blocked up downtown I'm having to take a special dessert at the end of my meals in the form of a chocolate laxative.
Random Insanity Generator
Condom Ninja El Supremo
posted 03-01-2011 05:23:45 AM
They're vile enough on their own, but when you're in the middle of a nice hot shower and rip ass it's a fucking war crime.....
* NullDevice kicks the server. "Floggings will continue until processing power improves!"
-----------------------------------
"That was black magic, and it was easy to use. Easy and fun. Like Legos." -- Harry Dresden
-----------------------------------
That's what playing Ragnarok Online taught me: There's no problem in the universe that can't be resolved by the proper application of daggers to faces.
All times are US/Eastern
Hop To: