Bitte?

quote:

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Alaan said:
I'm more interested in if he is a sour Kraut.

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Beat me to it.

quote:

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Get the soap! nem-x just said:
that stuff is nasty
you're nasty

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Go eat some fish faces.

quote:

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nem-x was naked while typing this:
that stuff is nasty
you're nasty

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quotin' dis

It's a somewhat traditional dish in the southern parts of Germany, but I doubt that it is as popular as many foreigners seem to think.

DO YOU WEAR LIEDERHOSEN?

quote:

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Karnaj was listening to Cher while typing:
Heheh, liederhosen.

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not as bad as leiderhosen sound.

well, I suppose it depends on which lied the liederhosen were made with, really.

Vorbis fucked around with this message on 01-11-2008 at 05:00 PM.

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Mr. Parcelan screamed this from the crapper:
As a genuine object of curiosity, Tarquinn, what's the relationship between Germans and Muslim immigrants over there? Is it a fearful one, like it supposedly is in Sweden, or one of outright disdain, as in Australia?

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You might as well ask what the relationship is between Americans and Mexican immigrants, bub. There a 90 million Germans, so there are about 90 million different opinions on them. Honestly, I think it borders on "That's fucked up" how immigrants are treated over there. When I was in Berlin, I happened to mean a fine young Turkish gentleman. He was interested in the fact that I was American, so we took the opportunity to sit down, have a couple beers, watch the soccer match, and get enlightened about how the other lives.

So this kid and all his brothers and sisters were born in Germany. They speak German as their first language. He's never even been to Turkey in his life. And he's not a German citizen. He enjoys all the benefits of living in a modern country: free education, social welfare, etc. But even though he wants to work and contribute, he can't get a job, because, well, who the fuck knows why. This conversation occurred 3.5 years ago, and I'm very drunk right now, so.

So he and his family exist as outsiders. Because they're residents of Germany, they have access to its world-class social welfare infrastructure, but due to obscene citizenship requirements, possibly latent racism, and a multitude of economic factors that are beyond any single person's purview, he and his family can never fully integrate. And there are millions of other immigrants like him, stuck out in this sort of limbo. Some are third generation "Germans," but they're not citizens. It kinda sucks.

Finally, liederhosen.

that shit be delicious

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We were all impressed when Mr. Gainsborough wrote:
isn't that liver sausage stuff german?

that shit be delicious

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There was a Modern Marvels on the HitlerHistory Channel about Cold Cuts that spent a good 5 minutes on Liverwurst.

It was interesting.

quote:

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Mr. Gainsborough screamed this from the crapper:
isn't that liver sausage stuff german?

that shit be delicious

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Leberkäs? Because that shit indeed be delicious.

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Karnaj got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
Leberkäs? Because that shit indeed be delicious.

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i don't think so, but when i copy pasted that into my google toolbar, it melded with the other thing i had in there already so i ended up searching for "Return to Leberkästle Wolfenstein" hahaha

actually it might be, but when it's prepared and all fancy like the pics in the google image search of it, it looks much different than when it comes out of the little tube in America

Mr. Gainsborough fucked around with this message on 01-12-2008 at 12:21 AM.

quote:

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Mr. Parcelan probably says this to all the girls:
As a genuine object of curiosity, Tarquinn, what's the relationship between Germans and Muslim immigrants over there? Is it a fearful one, like it supposedly is in Sweden, or one of outright disdain, as in Australia?

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Eh, what Karnaj said. Although that born in Germany Turk should actually be a German citizen. No idea what went wrong in his case.

All in all, muslims are pretty well accepted, and there's probably less (open*) racism here than in some other countries. Of course there are always protests when muslims want to build a mosque.

Finally, all the muslims I have met in my life so far have been swell people.

*Cannot look into people's minds. Yet.

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enjoy your ai attempted to be funny by writing:
they can't be as bad as those damn jews

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Ah, I see that besides being an internet-sociopath you are also a racist, Waisz.

That makes no sense.

Tarquinn fucked around with this message on 01-12-2008 at 09:06 AM.

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From the book of Mightion Defensor, chapter 3, verse 16:
Weird Al Yankovic's song "Albequerque" belongs here. I'm feeling too lazy to post the lyrics, but feel free to hum them to yourselves.

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Even though the song is a 12 minute long rant about the town that begins with "Al" and not actually sauerkraut, and you're still a dork:

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin'
It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train,
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said,
"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!!"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ahhhh

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the Spectravision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"WHO IS IT?!"
They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
(Oh man, I hate it when I'm right)
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes, indeed, you'd better believe it *Deep Breath*
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said

It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque"

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "Nah, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "Nah, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "Nah, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "Nah, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "Nah, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
"NAH, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head"
I believe it went a little something like this . . .

ahhhh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Ohhhh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Ooooh my God, oh my God
Oh, get 'em off me
Ooooh my God
Ah, (more screaming)

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said
"Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at the Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude

OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"Noooo, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did.

And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just kept rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kind of a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I
HATE
SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said "A" (A)
"L" (L)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
*pauses*
"querque" (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque