~
A little boy accidentally walks in on his mom in the shower one day. Wide-eyed and innocent, he points between her legs and says, "Mommy, what's that?!"
She replies, "Oh, uh, well, your father and I had a fight last night and he hit me there with a hatchet."
The little boy says, "Geez, Ma! He hit you right in the cunt?"
~
There's an armless and legless woman sitting on a beach by the ocean, crying. A man walking by stops and asks her what's wrong. She says, "I'm thirty years old and I've never, in my entire life, been kissed!"
So the man leans down and gives her a kiss. He starts walking away, but now she's crying even harder. Asking her what's wrong now, she replies, "I'm thirty years old and I've never, in my entire life, been fucked!"
The man walks back over to her, picks her up and tosses her into the ocean. "Congratulations!" he shouts to her. "You're fucked now!"
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
The bartender asks, "So, what's up? You look depressed."
The shuttle replies, "Oh nothing. I just broke up with my crew."
~
An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two engines."
~
And, because this bash quote is just too fucking funny to not share.
<Anonymous> Now, Im sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, heres the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shits teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming SHIT! SHIT!. Now, my good friend, Tom well call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDNT GET IT! FUCK!. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Heres the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and Im
Im FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isnt defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
quote:
Delphi Aegis wrote this in the snow with their pee:
And, because this bash quote is just too fucking funny to not share.<Anonymous> Now, Im sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, heres the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shits teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming SHIT! SHIT!. Now, my good friend, Tom well call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDNT GET IT! FUCK!. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Heres the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and Im Im FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isnt defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
Oh. Oh my. You owe me a new laptop, Delphi. That shit is too funny.
quote:
Nobody really understood why Tarquinn wrote:
People get regularly bitten by kids in supermarkets? What?
America is weird.
quote:
Tarquinn had this to say about Cuba:
People get regularly bitten by kids in supermarkets? What?
Raised by parents who think that kids should be able to do anything they want and if they yell and scream and carry-on in a public place, shame on YOU for yelling at them because you're squelching their free spirit.
Either that or they're just fucking lazy.
quote:
Delphi Aegis had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
they're just fucking lazy.
Ding!
