I am an only child. My parents are in the 45 yrs+ range. When I was 4, my Mom had bone cancer in her left shoulder that spread quickly and resulted in the loss of the bone in her left shoulder. It has limited mobility.
Recently, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy on Monday. We won't know the final results (i.e. if they got it all) until next week. I had planned to take that week off from work to help out around the house and take care of my mom.
However, after the surgery (in which there was a small complication) there was a daily medical procedure which my Dad can't do on a regular basis (he has a weak stomach) and that the nurse taught me how to do while I was there. Because of this fact, my family and I made the decision for me to take the rest of that week off as well as the week after so that my mom could get the proper care she needs.
I have talked to my boss at work, as well as anyone my absence affects, to arrange to work from home for the time I was to be in the office this week, which should not affect the outcome of my work. Unfortunately, I still get the feeling that I am regarded as a horrible person by my boss and the HR person, so I agreed to come home late tonight to Toronto so I can go into work tomorrow morning, and go back to my parents' tomorrow afternoon in time for me to do my mom's procedure. I would do it every day, except for the fact that my Mom needs someone in the house 24/7 and my Dad still has to go to work at some point, not to mention the fact that it's a $100 return trip on the train.
SO, knowing this, my question to you is: To you, when does family become more important than work? Would this be an appropriate time to tell work to cut me some slack? I realise that the absence was last minute, but I am making every effort to make it easier on my department and the company.
Any thoughts?
edit:forgot about ubb. BeauChan fucked around with this message on 08-14-2007 at 11:19 PM.
Close family, anyway.
Mothers can always have more daughters, but daughters can never have another mother.
It's late... and I have to go to work for the morning tomorrow to do a workplace inspection and get my 6 month review.
A weak stomach is no excuse. If you can't make it for some reason, he needs to be able to take care of his wife. "I've got a weak stomach!" isn't even going to get him off the couch, let alone out of any more serious trouble that might result from the use of that excuse.
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En Garde, Monsieur Mooj! Them's Fightin words:
Work will always take a second place to family, but why can't your father take care of your mother?A weak stomach is no excuse. If you can't make it for some reason, he needs to be able to take care of his wife. "I've got a weak stomach!" isn't even going to get him off the couch, let alone out of any more serious trouble that might result from the use of that excuse.
Oh don't think of my father as lazy, he's the total opposite. He's caring and completely devoted to my mother's care... it's just one of those situations where he can't bear to see my mother hurting, let alone still open from surgery.
His eyesight isn't great, but he could probably do it if he had to - the point is for him not to have to, and stay happy so that my mom stays happy. One of the reasons that I don't want to leave them alone for now is becuase it doesn't take much to make my Dad upset or sad these days (he's been through a hell of a lot) and I can't have mom getting that way because people who have had bilateral mastectomies have a tendency to get depressed after surgery.
To put it short, I'm the calm, cool and collected one... believe it or not 
KaLourin fucked around with this message on 08-15-2007 at 06:59 AM.
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Verily, KaLourin doth proclaim:
check with HR to view their leave of absence policy, which in most places also covers tending to seriously ill family members. Whether your boss is understanding of the situation or not should be of no concern to you. If it's on the books (and your reasoning looks pretty valid) there's nothing he can do.
Bingo. There's a girl here, or rather where I work, who abuses this clause, but I'd say for the VAST majority of cases, that particular clause is a necessity and a godsend. Here in the states it's called the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) and it gets you like three months' worth of "work with me" time from work, where they can't fire you, etc.
Tradeoff is, of course, that they can take your personal and vacation time, particularly if your absence is especially grievous in some sense (or it seems like you're taking advantage of the system). Likewise, while they can't FIRE you under FMLA, they also don't have to promote you, etc. So the impetus is that while you SHOULD take care of your family without guilt, you should get back to work as soon as possible.
If there's anything like that up in Canada, I'd take full advantage of it.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
If the medical procedure is short term, this might help you stay at work and have confidence your mom is getting the care she needs.
I took a week's vacation next week to cover that week, it's these 4 days I'm concerned about. I'm at work now until noon, and having talked to the HR person she agreed to give me a few extra days of unpaid vacation to cover them. This is ok, because when I mentioned it to my Dad he said he'd pay me instead so I'm not losing any money.
All in all, it's worked out ok. I don't like the fact I have to work from home, and the side trip into Toronto for a day also bothers me, but I'll live I guess. Thanks for all the feedback
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
Anyway, at the risk of me-tooing, you should tell your boss to fuck off and go take care of your family. Not literally, but you know.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
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Verily, the chocolate bunny rabbits doth run and play while BeauChan gently hums:
Oh don't think of my father as lazy, he's the total opposite. He's caring and completely devoted to my mother's care... it's just one of those situations where he can't bear to see my mother hurting, let alone still open from surgery.His eyesight isn't great, but he could probably do it if he had to - the point is for him not to have to, and stay happy so that my mom stays happy. One of the reasons that I don't want to leave them alone for now is becuase it doesn't take much to make my Dad upset or sad these days (he's been through a hell of a lot) and I can't have mom getting that way because people who have had bilateral mastectomies have a tendency to get depressed after surgery.
To put it short, I'm the calm, cool and collected one... believe it or not
I'm sorry, but, "Bullshit!"
If your father was truly devoted to your mother, he'd do the whatever-it-is, alleged weak stomach or no and he'd keep smiling and stay happy so as not to get her down. If he hasn't got the balls/spine/[insert body part here] needed to do that, he's simply weak. No excuses.
As for your question, it's not really a matter of when work takes precedence over family. You need to ask yourself at what point you're going to trash your life trying to ease the burden on the person who should be caring for your mother. It's an individual call, but sometimes you have to choose to be supportive without sacrificing your own future. And that's a call only you can make.
--Satan, quoted by John Milton
And if I'm not mistaken (and I could be), isn't hospice care the in-house thing for people who are terminal with something? I forget.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
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Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
And if I'm not mistaken (and I could be), isn't hospice care the in-house thing for people who are terminal with something? I forget.
Yeah, hospice care is a limited form of palliative care aimed towards reconciling dying people to death.
Not appropriate.
When worked at a nursing school, one of the "jobs" that was discussed included home visits for people needing daily care but was less costly than hospital care and the patient could rest comfortably at their own home.
quote:Outpatient care?
Vernaltemptress needs to hitch a ride with a Vogon constructor fleet.
Sorry, I had the wrong terminology.When worked at a nursing school, one of the "jobs" that was discussed included home visits for people needing daily care but was less costly than hospital care and the patient could rest comfortably at their own home.
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Tom Lehrer prattled off this nonsense:
The outpatients are out in force tonight I see.
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Overview: Home health nurses provide episodic or continuous care in the patient's place of residence for people of all ages and varied diagnoses. Care may include providing patient and family education, monitoring technical interventions, coordinating referrals, and handling other interventions to restore or maintain patients' physical or psychosocial well-being.
This is unlike outpatient care in that the nurse goes to the patient's home instead of requiring the patient to go to the clinic/hospital.
But as Beauchan pointed out above, her mother does have someone like that, but she has no confidence in the company.
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En Garde, Monsieur Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael! Them's Fightin words:
How nasty are the wounds anyway? I wasn't under the impression they sent folks home with gaping wounds these days.
She has one wound across her entire chest, with either end open for drainage tubes that I'm in charge of keeping track of.
They let her out same day.
With a wound that large, you think they'd keep her in for observation. When my mom went through her operations they kept her in for at least 3 days afterward.
Strikes me as very odd.
And to be honest, not all hospital rooms are ICU rooms. There was a marked difference from the ICU room Lyinar was in and the general room. That's not to say the general room was filthy, but the general room wasn't kept in near-surgical sterility like the ICU room. And most people think that general rooms are kept that clean. Clean yes, sterile no. So as long as her parents are pretty careful about keeping the area clean and someone (IE the nurse) comes by to check for signs of infection, she should be fine. To allow that situation otherwise, if it were a threat to her health, would be criminally liable I would think.
That having been said...any sort of drainage stint or the like is gross. You don't want to be out and about. Buuuuuuuuut...it's not as gross to look at as it was twenty years ago. I almost wonder if Beau's dad is in denial about just how severely his wife has been injured. There's knowing and there's KNOWING. I knew Lyinar was having problems with her hand, and I knew she was having surgery, and I was scared to death the whole time she was in the operating room, and equally amazed and relieved when I saw her in the ICU and she about broke my finger with her new and improved grip...but I was STILL mortified when I saw the incision on the back of her neck, EVEN THOUGH it was amazing just how fast it was healing. You just can't prepare yourself for the shock of seeing your loved one hurt like that.
And in that case they hadn't done a mastectomy-level surgery. They hadn't disassembled her shoulder or anything. So...while on one hand I agree...Beau's dad should buck up and get a grip...on the other I can at least sympathize.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
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How much Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael can a Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael-chuck chuck?
I almost wonder if Beau's dad is in denial about just how severely his wife has been injured. There's knowing and there's KNOWING. So...while on one hand I agree...Beau's dad should buck up and get a grip...on the other I can at least sympathize.
I think this is probably closer to the truth. Not only did he have the surgery to deal with, we have the cancer issue as well.
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Mortious wrote this in the snow with their pee:
They send people home with drainage tubes hanging out of them now? Home? IE not a clinically sterile recovery ward? With someone who has no medical training keeping an eye on the drains? Holy shit, and I thought the NHS was bad.With a wound that large, you think they'd keep her in for observation. When my mom went through her operations they kept her in for at least 3 days afterward.
Strikes me as very odd.
It did to us too, half my family is still raging about it. I think when we see the surgeon next week I'll ask him if that's normal. BeauChan fucked around with this message on 08-16-2007 at 09:10 PM.
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How much Vernaltemptress can a Vernaltemptress-chuck chuck?
But as Beauchan pointed out above, her mother does have someone like that, but she has no confidence in the company.
And right I was - we had the head nurse come in today because the other one was busy, and she was concerned over the state of care that the last nurse had given.
That one is never coming back - She almost caused my mother to have a serious blood clot. BeauChan fucked around with this message on 08-16-2007 at 09:12 PM.
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We were all impressed when Mortious wrote:
They send people home with drainage tubes hanging out of them now? Home? IE not a clinically sterile recovery ward? With someone who has no medical training keeping an eye on the drains? Holy shit, and I thought the NHS was bad.With a wound that large, you think they'd keep her in for observation. When my mom went through her operations they kept her in for at least 3 days afterward.
Strikes me as very odd.
Hospital infections are the deadliest infections one can get. They only occur in hospitals (duh), to patients who are already prone to infection (shit), and require insane amounts of antiobiotics to clear out.
