I reread the post I made three years ago, and the one I made the day of. I still feel way too empty, way too dead inside for something that was so very lifechanging. I still have not accepted the fact, I guess, and I still cannot cry over her death at all.
We just recently recieved word that we are going to be deploying to Iraq within the next six months. When the offical word went out, everyone was sent home early in order to call their families to give them the news. Our leadership was directed to get full accountability of everyone that had contacted their families, and a rather strange discrepancy arose when they got around to my name remaining blank.
I have no family to notify.
Everyone else is getting all teary eyed, fearing impending doom, planning goodbye vacations, etc and whatcrap.
I just wish I had a mom or a dad back home to call.
Oh wells.
In the last five years, I have gone from being a complete emotional wreck to actually making something of myself. I now have a carreer, a future, and a job that I really enjoy. At times though, I still find myself held back by my past. I still possess all those little idiosyncracies that my homelife ingrained into me, despite my best efforts to get rid of them. And they are starting to affect my work.
Three steps forward, two steps back.
Where do I go from here? Am I ever going to get over my moms death, or is this going to be something that will hold me back for the rest of my (possibly short) life?
Narf.
I hope everything is safe in Iraq.
Hurrrr Mort is making a pass at Led. No. She lives too fucking far away. It's advice.
quote:
ArchAngel impressed everyone with:
Just think of us here at EC as your family. We put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'!
I think that would make me feel even worse.
You're in a good place right now, and the feeling of emptiness is only something you can fill, be it with a relationship, or getting cozy up with a friends family from your unit.
I wish you good luck and safety while you are overseas.
quote:
ArchAngel had this to say about the Spice Girls:
'dysfunctional'!
I hate this word. It is an abomination.
Why the hell is there a Greek prefix on a Latinate word? That does not belong.
I don't like whomever came up with this word.
quote:I did
Vorbis.
I hate this word. It is an abomination.Why the hell is there a Greek prefix on a Latinate word? That does not belong.
I don't like whomever came up with this word.
quote:
Blackened spewed forth this undeniable truth:
I did
May you burn in Gehenna.
Right now.
Maybe even catch the clap while you're there, too.
quote:
Bajah stumbled drunkenly to the keyboard and typed:
What about your brother? What's become of him? And your uncle and his family.
Not really on speaking terms with them anymore, and I pretty much completely disowned my brother after his last 'incident'.
Ozimander fucked around with this message on 05-10-2007 at 10:48 PM.
quote:
Y.O.T.C thought about the meaning of life:
Think of it like this... You just shoot 600 rounds out of an assault rifle and got paid to do it. Yep, things are looking up.
Yep! And then got paid to spend all day the next day cleaning it 
Gah.
Going to see a shrink about this stuff for the first time ever next week. I hope it goes well.
quote:
Led wrote this:
Going to see a shrink about this stuff for the first time ever next week. I hope it goes well.
You, have made a very wise decision.
Things get easier in time, but never as fast as you want them too. Issues can't always be resolved. The important thing is you take the good and don't let the bad become part of who you are.
-H Hellbender fucked around with this message on 05-13-2007 at 07:43 AM.
quote:
Vorbis had this to say about the Spice Girls:
I hate this word. It is an abomination.Why the hell is there a Greek prefix on a Latinate word? That does not belong.
I don't like whomever came up with this word.
"malfunctional" would be a rather awkward adjective. It brings to mind an undiagnosed aspie social worker complaining about their ward.
--Satan, quoted by John Milton
Make sure you keep us up to date as much as possible while in Iraq. (if that's even possible?) 
and keep in touch! Everyone needs a bunny fix. 
quote:Maybe that's what you need
Led.
a swift kick in the butt.
quote:
Everyone wondered WTF when Blackened wrote:
Maybe that's what you need
A swift kick in the head would have suited me better, I do not have my brains in my butt xD
quote:arguable
Led.
A swift kick in the head would have suited me better, I do not have my brains in my butt xD
Maybe you just need to toss the pills and stop allowing yourself to dwell on that shit every time it comes up. Start taking responsibility for your own life and stop letting past events you had no control over dictate your feelings.
or just get drunk and whore yourself out to multiple military men w/e
quote:
Blackened said:
Maybe you just need to toss the pills and stop allowing yourself to dwell on that shit every time it comes up. Start taking responsibility for your own life and stop letting past events you had no control over dictate your feelings.
Told her this many times.
She does not listen.
quote:it's a hard step to take, but it's almost childish to keep resisting it
Mortious.
Told her this many times.She does not listen.
Take responsibility for your life
