I stood there as she dropped to her knees and started to furiously fellate me. Her mouth sucking on my head, her hands moving up and down the shaft lubricated with her saliva. I could only watch with awe as she stared up up me, a smile twisting the corners of her mouth as she sucked and nibbled away at my cock.
This wasn't a long, slow, sensuous blow job. This was a fast, furious, "you are going to cum now" blow job. This was for my pleasure. I was moving my hips backwards and forwards, fucking her face as her head bobbed up and down. After only a few minutes I felt the pressure growing in my balls as I got ready to blow.
And then I came, my hot cum spurting into her mouth, her sucking harder to get the last drop out of me, swallowing each and every drop apart from the few bits that dribbled out and slid down her chin. I grabbed her arms and pulled her up to me, planting my mouth firmly over hers to express my thanks with a long hard kiss, the taste of my cum heavy on her breath and skin.
My knees were almost buckling with pleasure. I felt as if every drop of energy had been sapped from me. My skin tingled from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I felt as if I had no energy and masses of energy at the same time. It was one of the most fantastic, satisfying and erotic sexual experiences I have ever had. So totally different to anything I'd experienced before. Magical.
Even then, we had to hurry if we weren't to both be too late for work. I quickly pulled my clothes back on and M adjusted her make-up to cover up the effect of my cock on her face. We both grabbed a couple of breath mints and headed out.
For the rest of the day I continued to feel the exhilaration of that morning. Even now, writing this, I can recall the sensations of that quickie.
It was a shame that we didn't get a chance to actually make love on that occasion. M told me that she was just repaying me for the times over the last couple of months when she has cum when we have met in semi-public but I hadn't. I assured her that she had more than made up.
Hint: when showing off to a group of people you've just met, try not to suck. Bloodsage fucked around with this message on 01-08-2007 at 05:29 PM.
--Satan, quoted by John Milton
quote:
Bloodsage had this to say about Duck Tales:
Hint: when showing off to a group of people you've just met, try not to suck.
Hurrrr
Seriously, the punnery man! The punnery!
Nobody wants to be told what's going on. "Bloodsage poked Karnaj with a stick" isn't so cool to read as "Taking the jagged wood in hand, Bloodsage carved a scar into Karnaj's flesh. 'This is how we roll in Paris, bitch,' he hissed as the blood wept down his foe's belly."
Second, in order to do good erotica, you need restraint. If you get a lot of gross stuff right in the face, no one wants to watch it. Fast and furious doesn't really work for this.
Maradon writes a lot of erotica. Let's see what he has to say.
Regarding this specific scene, two suggestions spring to mind:
First, the heart and soul of erotic fiction is description, and in that department you're a little lacking. As a very general rule of thumb, never use one word where you could use more. Picture the scene in your head and communicate as much detail about that scene as you possibly can.
quote:
"I stood there as she dropped to her knees and started to furiously fellate me. Her mouth sucking on my head, her hands moving up and down the shaft lubricated with her saliva."
This... is pretty bland. I'm sure when you were imagining this scene, you didn't envision a girl dispassionately wolfing down a guy's cock then working it mechanically, and yet that is more or less what you have described here. Did they make eye contact? How did the guy feel? was he surprised? Did she lick at all before she went at it? Did she cup the balls? Could he see her tits? Is the guy's sack shaved? Detail detail detail, it's detail that will ultimately make people blow their wad. For example;
quote:
"She crept toward me through the dark room, silver moonlight dappling her tensed musles and powdery curves as she slid up my legs until her head was at my waist. Light from the opened blinds cut across her face illuminating green eyes glimmering with mischief and a feline grin that showed too many teeth to be merely playful.Her hands glided to my hip bones and thrust me against the nightstand, my head banging against the wall uncomfortably. I had no chance or reason to protest. Her soft breasts seemed to lock me in place, bulging around my legs with their erect coral-pink nipples pressing into my thighs. She took my erect cock in both her hands and swallowed it deeper than I thought possible. She closed her eyes and moaned with desire, the frekled bridge of her nose wrinkling with exertion as she began to suck furiously.
My mind nearly seized entirely and the world went grey with ecastasy. She began to work my cock furiously, pounding at it, her head bobbing ecstatically, feral gasps of desire escaping her as though she were trying to force me to orgasm against my will.
See how I turned those two sentences into three paragraphs? Even if you're not writing with the intention of getting people to jack off, description is unbelievably important to storytelling. You need to communicate what you have in your head to the reader as effectively and with as much detail as possible.
If you want to see some stuff I've written, you can check out my googirl story. It's not very good, but some of it might inspire you.
This leads me into my second suggestion: Your subject matter.
The vast majority of the time, people choose to look at their porn. When they choose to read their porn, they're usually looking for something fairly cerebral or otherwise unique. I don't know if this sample you've provided is representative of your stories, but if so then I have to say it's fairly bread 'n butter, unremarkable porn that's been done a billion times.
This is not to say that all written porn has to involve outer space or aliens or knights and faeries, only that written porn tends to either skirt the edges of mainstream pornography, or transcend it entirely. Mind your audience, and have a nice, exotic hook that will keep people interested. Maradon! fucked around with this message on 01-08-2007 at 06:55 PM.
quote:
Maradon! got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
This is not to say that all written porn has to involve outer space or aliens or knights and faeries, only that written porn tends to either skirt the edges of mainstream pornography, or transcend it entirely. Mind your audience, and have a nice, exotic hook that will keep people interested.
it's metaporn! watch out for the metacock
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Vorbising:
it's metaporn! watch out for the metacock
what
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Maradon!'s unholy Backstreet Boys obsession manifested in:
what
let's get down and have some metaphysical love.
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And coming in at #1 is Mr. Parcelan with "Reply." I'm Casey Casem.
God, I hate it when Vorbis learns a new prefix.
At least it's a real prefix this time. We all recall, with horror, his "cheese" phase.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
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The logic train ran off the tracks when Mr. Parcelan said:
God, I hate it when Vorbis learns a new prefix.
but do you metahate it?
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And coming in at #1 is Mortious with "Reply." I'm Casey Casem.
No blue cum = fail.
Yes. Much like real life.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Maradon's wholly right though. People read porn for the story. People look at porn for the boobies.
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Over the mountain, in between the ups and downs, I ran into Delphi Aegis who doth quote:
I have to eternally thank Maradon, for his goo-girl erotica turned me on to another story that has me captivated.
You're welcome, I'm glad I could write a story that turned you on to a different story.
I think.
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Maradon! had this to say about Tron:
You're welcome, I'm glad I could write a story that turned you on to a different story.I think.
I thought the story that was behind the goo-girl series was pretty good. Sure it could have been better, but it was more or less what kept me checking the site for the next update.
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This insanity brought to you by Maradon!:
You're welcome, I'm glad I could write a story that turned you on to a different story.I think.
I liked your story for sure, but Oblimo has a further reaching epic of pornographic proportions.
(or erotica in general?!) 
quote:
Over the mountain, in between the ups and downs, I ran into Mr. Gainsborough who doth quote:
how can anyone get off to this shit(or erotica in general?!)
How can anybody get off to pictures of girls with gigantic semen squirting cocks?
i was just asking
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A sleep deprived Mr. Gainsborough stammered:
stoop
Thinner than a stew, thicker than a soup?
I need to stop watching so much Food Network. 
quote:
Zephyer Kyuukaze had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
Thinner than a stew, thicker than a soup?I need to stop watching so much Food Network.
Heh heh heh. I see I'm not the only one that watches too much Food Network.
I wish they still showed the origional Iron Chef.
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With great fanfare, Xyrra proclamed:
Stop watching Rachel Ray, you freaks. She makes actual chefs want to unzip their wrists.
That's just a bonus. 
Besides, she's fun to watch. Like Good Eats and Iron Chef, it's the entertainment value of the show, not the cooking skill, that makes it worth watching.
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x--Palador ChibiDragonO-('-'Q) :
Besides, she's fun to watch.
No, she isn't. That woman's voice is like nails on a chalkboard and her act is contrived, exaggerated, and idiotic.
I don't watch Food Network or any other TV with any regularity, so this is based entirely off what I've seen on her show that my gram watches every day. It's absolutely horrible.
quote:
There was little to no rejoicing when Palador ChibiDragon said this:
Like Good Eats and Iron Chef, it's the entertainment value of the show, not the cooking skill, that makes it worth watching.
I admit that Good Eats is my favorite shows on FN, but Alton Brown is actually a chef, and a science geek. It's great to see B-movie type acting and scripts applied to educating the general public about food science and anthropology. His recipes are sound from both culinary and scientific standpoints, and he makes it readily understandable to even the lowest common denominator.
That's what we call a teacher.
Rachel Ray opens cans and dumps them in pots to make nasty vomit-esque dishes. Xyrra fucked around with this message on 01-12-2007 at 01:56 PM.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
quote:
Karnaj enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
Nothing gets me turned on like spermy kisses and Rachel Ray bashing. Awesome.
I'd love to see the activity in your bedroom! 
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Zephyer Kyuukaze had this to say about (_|_):
I'd love to see the activity in your bedroom!
Film it and send it in as a audition tape for "The Next Food Network Star".
