My list of suspects thus far is skimpy, but I think we have a lead. Here are a few of the miscreants I've pinned down without alibis for the night the crime in question occurred somewhere on the premises without a condom:

1. O.J. Seanson
2. BlackMage Armadillo (that's arr-ma-dee-yo, not arr-ma-dill-o)
3. Katrinitus Brutus
4. Lee Karnaj Oswald
5. Vorbis

So...to the above...where were you yesterday night?

As you can see, Ramone and I spent a quiet evening at home.

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I bet you never expected Mr. Parcelan to say:
Goddamnit, Blindy. When will you learn that nobody likes you >:[

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Tribute? You steal men's Mr. Parcelans, and make them your slaves!
>:[

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You are a thief, sir! >:[

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Ja'Deth Issar Ka'baeI thought this was the Ricky Martin Fan Club Forum and wrote:
I have no face; I am without identity.

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In the end you don't exist because your existance is a paradox.

They did not fit.

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Greenlit said this about your mom:
I was trying on a new pair of gloves.

They did not fit.

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Then the jury must acquit.

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Katrinity had this to say about (_|_):
Hey! Wait a minute, I'm innocent! Innocent I tell you!

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It's always the person you'd least expect, though!

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Tarquinn had this to say about Cuba:
This will lead to nothing.

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You are not a true patriot.

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The logic train ran off the tracks when Mr. Parcelan said:
You are not a true patriot.

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No, I'm a foreign inside man, and I was obviously trying to give you a clue*. Alas your detective skills are lacking. It's time to return your badge and banstick.

*Might not be a real clue. This post contains sodium carbonate and the following chemical additives: E312, E576, #4776

!!!

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Blackened had this to say about the Spice Girls:
I'mma cut you all, eses

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Can I call you Armando? I have a hard time keeping a straight face when calling someone Armadillo.