The stuff I tell kids - EverCrest Message Forums

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Topic: The stuff I tell kids

Ja'Deth Issar Ka'bael

I posted in a title changing thread.

posted 10-04-2006 06:50:21 PM

Occurred to me, as I was reading the Harry Potter thing Kat posted, that I've done my fair share of messing with kids' heads regarding beliefs in my time. Two relatively recent examples (and my logical explanation) as follows:

1. Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Mummies, and your 5 year old.

My sister (Jajahotep) has a son, Chase (or "Chasu" when we're being cute). And I love being an uncle. We, prior to their moving away, used to have days where we'd do breakfast or lunch, do some shopping, cruise, play at the playground, etc. Now I read. A lot. And I have all sorts of gaming books, and some of them get left in the car.

One day, Chase and I are out doing a "boys' day out" and Chase sees this vampire supplement for D&D. It has a chick vampire on the cover, she's snarling, has blood running down her face. And it freaks Chase out. Really freaks him out. He's only like...four.

So I start telling Chase about vampires. See...MY father used to tell me about all the classic monsters before I went to bed. Used to bother my Mom. She was worried I'd have nightmares. I never did. The secret is to give kids a safe spot. Tell them why they shouldn't fear vampires (not "because they're not real" but actual weaknesses and so forth).

Chase ate it up. And he kept coming back for more. Soon he knew alllll about Vampires, Werewolves, Banshees and so forth. I even told him about witches. He now thinks "Mommy" is a witch, and will tell people that her black cat is her familiar. This amuses me to no end.

BUT...the upside is Chase has taken to Mummies. He's fascinated by all the little rituals. He tells people that when he dies, he's taking his cat with him, and all his toys. He doesn't fear dying. It's just a trip to him. He's four years old and he can ALMOST spell "Pyramid". Pretty cool.

Of course, his father's side are hardcore Lutherans...so finding out Chase is like an undercover disciple of Pharaoh might sit amiss with them.

2. Cthulhu and Messing With The Occult

Lyinar's son Simon spends the summers with us. He watches a lot of cartoons. Bad anime. Worse than Yu-Gi-Oh. That wouldn't bug me, but he then runs upstairs and wants to tell us all about it.

The worst part is it's jumping between mythologies, screwing with stuff, and is making the part of my brain that loved mythology growing up twitch with Hulk-like rage every time he comes up and tries to explain to us that they're...I dunno...mixing the Elixir of Life in the Holy Grail using the Divine Dildo of Hera or whatever.

I'd been re-reading Lovecraft. So one of Simon's runs up the stairs, I put a friendly arm around the kid and I pull up pictures of Cthulhu. Not the cutesy ones. The nasty ones. And I explain to him, with dour warning and seriousness:

"Kid, you're old enough now to know. Messing with the occult? Mixing stuff half-assed in a holy relic? Maaaan that's a bad idea. Cartoons are lying to you. You do that stuff...Cthulhu is going to rise from his WAAAAATERY GRAVE in Ry'leh, and he's going to drive the world into madness before destroying it all"

And Simon looks at me, seven-year-old eyes widened at the pictures, "Will he get me last?"

"Oh no," I reply, "You go first...and no one can save you...because we'll all be insane. So...y'know...don't mess with the occult, okay?"

"Oh. Okay."

Lyinar wasn't amused. I was. My father had me believing until I was seven that I was a bioroid project cooked up by DARPA. Lyinar thought I was going to give Simon nightmares.

He came up a while later, clearly having thought it through, and says to me, "Adam? What about magicians?"

We'd seen a magician at the museum.

"Well," I said, "They're just pretending. It's really just a trick. No actual occult."

"Oh," his little brow furrowed, "Is it okay to PRETEND to play with the occult?"

"Yeah," I reply, "But you have to be sure you're just pretending."

And it became sort of a lesson for him (and an amusing joke for me behind the scenes). He'd occasionally ask me if something was okay, or if we were in any imminent danger of being driven horrifically insane and consumed by an Elder God.

He went home at the end of the summer to his Dad, who is...shall we say...rather straight-laced. Conservative. And a non-practicing Catholic. I can only imagine what Simon told him.

Lyinar's sweetie and don't you forget it!*
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. -Roy Batty
*Also Lyinar's attack panda

sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me