On with the situation.
I've been quite mad about this young lady for roughly a year now. I'm quite smitten, and I'm very pleased to say she feels exactly the same way.
Unfortunately for both of us, she was recently married.
This raises a thousand and one questions and points. Rather then list them all out, just ask and I'll be glad to answer. The only fact I'll put out is that we're both mad about each other and that she feels far closer to myself then towards her current husband.
Now, she wants to leave her husband but conflict and strife aren't things she interested in. We're both aware this is not a situation that can be dealt with (with the intended result of us being together), without there being some fireworks of some sort. Her husband isn't a hostile or violent man and has even told her she seems far happier with me then with himself and that she may have made the wrong choice in marriage.
What I ask of you people is to tell me, what do you think could minimize any possible damage in a divorce? Her husband is a nice fellow, I like him. I don't want to cause him pain but outside of just ignoring how very strongly I feel for this woman (and her for me), I'm afraid I can't do much about it.
So, questions if I've left anything crucial out and again, opinions and comments. Suggestions and so forth.
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Everyone wondered WTF when Ozimander wrote:
ignoring how very strongly I feel for this woman
This.
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Ozimander had this to say about Duck Tales:
Unfortunately for both of us, she was recently married.
Best to just foreget about her then.
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Her husband isn't a hostile or violent man and has even told her she seems far happier with me then with himself and that she may have made the wrong choice in marriage.
I highly doubt that, and regardless, if he found out you were after his wife while they were married, he may quickly become hostile or violent.
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What I ask of you people is to tell me, what do you think could minimize any possible damage in a divorce? Her husband is a nice fellow, I like him. I don't want to cause him pain but outside of just ignoring how very strongly I feel for this woman (and her for me), I'm afraid I can't do much about it.
The fact that you're after his wife tells me you do not like him very much, nor do you have any respect for him.
Put yourself in his shoes, if you were married and some guy came up and started seeing your wife, how would you react?
My advice is to quit while you're still ahead. No good can come of stealing away someone's wife.
It is not only as simple as my wanting to 'steal' her, persay. She wishes to leave him. She does not care for him as she once believed she did.
She did feel this way before she married him but I did not make it evident to her how I felt until it was too late (based off people suggesting I keep it to myself). Then, only too late, did I realize we felt the same.
So she does in fact wish to leave him and be with me. It does change the dynamic, slightly but I'm clearly biased on the matter.
But yes, I have put myself in his shoes, considering my reaction. Again, the only reason I'm even putting thought behind it is she wants to leave him and even he senses the marriage was a poor choice (albiet a vague hint, again, we both could be grasping at red herrings so to speak)
But, please, continue. I'm curious as to what more you people think.
She should leave if she wants to leave. I imagine they're a relatively young couple. Marriages don't always work. So- let what happens happen. You're the one waiting.
People say things, but actually doing them is a whole other barrel of monkies (monkeys?).
Wait until (if) she proves she loves you more, and divorces the guy. If she doesn't, you won't have wasted your time, or your heart.
BeauChan fucked around with this message on 09-01-2006 at 10:41 PM.
edit: spelling is the causation, and substitution is the cure!
Fucking sever.
It's not something people hear about.
Now she doesn't.
She thinks she loves you.
(fill in the blank)
Three way.
It's only gay of your balls touch.
No one should stay in a relationship simply because they are afraid of change, especially if they dont like thei current situation. This is from personal experience.
It sucks, but it is also something that she will have to decide for herself. A guy who was a friend of mine tried to get into my pants immediately after I mentioned I was getting divorced. I can tell you, he and I do not talk. He violated the sense of trust between friends for trying to prey upon someone who is vulnerable.
If she does leave him, I would suggest not getting into a relationship with her right away, and not until you are absolutely sure you are both ready, because marriage, whether it was ill-concieved or not, is a big step and not so easily forgotten as a lesson learned. Hell, I swore off men in general for a time.
Thats assuming her plans go as far as divorcing the guy, and assuming she isnt just playing lip service to you.
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So she does in fact wish to leave him and be with me.
Sentiments you are probably thrilled to hear, but trust me when I tell you both to take a couple steps back if it does get to this point. And dont muddy things up with the idea of an affair.
Advice 2:
Dont push her. She wont appreciate it. (See above about that 'friend' I had.) And realise that if things do fall out the way you seem to think it will, there's a very good chance that you and her husband's relationship will be extremely awkward and uneasy at best. This is a situation where someone will be unhappy either way.
And, contrary to popular belief, there is not some 'end all' love for everyone. I guarentee that if you two do not end up together, you will eventually find someone down the road with whom you will want to spend your life, if you allow yourself. Remember, there are more fish out there in the proverbial sea.
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Maradon! wrote this stupid crap:
The solution to this is so fucking easy that I can't believe nobody has brought it up yet:Three way.
It's only gay of your balls touch.
Yeah, I agree. If a guy is telling his girl that she'd be better off with a certain guy- that means he's gay for that certain guy.
Def.
Don't do anything stupid, and do realize that someone's gonna get hurt here.
I have done my best to not pressure her to do anything however, doing so by explaining several times, over and over, that I will support her decision each time, regardless of who it's with.
And I have no issue with the balls touching, so that's not a concern.
You should end up hospitalized for at least a week, and never fully recover function of some part of your body.
And he would be goddamn justified in it.
Stay the fuck out of this one, if you appreciate being able to feed yourself.
No, Really. Bite me.
Once she's with you, you will spend your time wondering if it was so easy for her to leave her husband (as hard as it seems now - it will be seem easy in hindsight) will it also be that easy for her to leave you, and for who? That thought will poison your relationship forever.
Face it...
You screwed up by not telling her how you felt when you felt it. Learn from it and don't wait when the next "best" thing comes along.
This is one of those "natural" consequences you both have to live with.
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Burger was listening to Cher while typing:
You need a severe ass-kicking, delivered by this guy.You should end up hospitalized for at least a week, and never fully recover function of some part of your body.
And he would be goddamn justified in it.
Stay the fuck out of this one, if you appreciate being able to feed yourself.
I fucking hate posts like this.
Ozi: It's pretty much what Lem and Azakias said. If she wants to be with you, she'll do what she needs to do so, but don't push her to do anything, or you'll look like a huge ass.
If I were in your shoes, I'd start checking out other women.
But lets get it all out of the way, shall we:
First off, only gay for you, Nem-X.
Second, I'm not pushing her in any sense. I've never, ever told her what to do and made it my buisness to not make decisions for her.
Third, I don't need my ass kicked, Burger, for discussing thoughts (regardless of the quality or calibur of them). What if I decide it is in fact better to leave it all well alone? Does the ass kicking still apply? I hope you have a stroke. Or pulmonary embolism.
I think ultimately, what is the best course of action is what several of you mentioned. To let her make her choice and to not be attached, or as Willas said: If I were in your shoes, I'd start checking out other women.
I suppose I was hoping for clever folks to give me an overly romanticized and dramatic option. Something with swinging from ropes and cannonade.
Logic speaks otherwise. I will let her be and if she makes her choice, I will support it regardless of what it is.
In the meantime, there is alcohol and narcotics to consume!
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Blackened.
How old is she?
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Ozimander had this to say about (_|_):
Hm. When Nae did it, you all supported her vehemently. Dun dun DUN!
I wouldn't say that.
Considering her track record, I don't see how a relationship with her could go well. If she's determined to wreck her already dying marriage though, sleep with her. She'll make her decision real fast that way. Sounds like it's a matter of time till she leaves him anyway.
And there are other factors. Her husband (they were only married last month) has been her ONLY lover. They dated for five years, then were married.
Again, it's an issue of heart vs. mind because I know what my heart wants but that's not always the best or smart thing to do. Having ice cream for breakfast may be fun and what you want but it's not the best idea.
This may be a New England thing. Something in the water, as I have a friend courting a 45 year old married woman. Who is leaving her husband for him. He is 19
If the fire burns without you feeding for a few months, perhaps she'll leave him and you'll have a good thing. If that flame can't keep going without you constantly talking to her to feed it, it wouldn't last anyway. Damnati fucked around with this message on 09-02-2006 at 09:50 PM.
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java the thoughts aquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
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And now, we sprinkle Maradon! liberally with Old Spice!
The solution to this is so fucking easy that I can't believe nobody has brought it up yet:Three way.
It's only gay of your balls touch.
No, it's only gay if your eyes meet while your balls are touching. Because up until that point, you could just lie to yourself. "Oh, that was just his thigh! Bound to happen, bound to happen!" But when you feel that hair rustling, and that warm patch of flesh touches the ball that hangs lower, and you look into his eyes....you just know.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - John Kenneth Galbraith
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How.... Karnaj.... uughhhhhh:
No, it's only gay if your eyes meet while your balls are touching. Because up until that point, you could just lie to yourself. "Oh, that was just his thigh! Bound to happen, bound to happen!" But when you feel that hair rustling, and that warm patch of flesh touches the ball that hangs lower, and you look into his eyes....you just know.
I've never been so completely aroused in my whole life.
This marriage is as good as dead anyway. Do what you fucking want. Sleep with her then wear her panties as a fucking ascot for all it matters.
It's not something people hear about.
How the fuck do I get my daily dose of coke then, huh?
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
Do you know a tailor or can recommend one or should I just drape it over me like a ber serk?
It just wouldnt be legit if you didn't do it yourself. Gork fucked around with this message on 09-03-2006 at 03:46 AM.
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Ozimander had this to say about Reading Rainbow:
Could someone close the thread? I don't need opinions anymore. Faz, you just saved me tons of worry and draaaaaaama!Do you know a tailor or can recommend one or should I just drape it over me like a ber serk?
You have to sew the breasts to your chest etc.
"Don't want to sound like a fanboy, but I am with you. I'll buy it for sure, it's just a matter of for how long I will be playing it..."
- Silvast, Battle.net forums
