I can't make stuff up at this new job, either.
IT
There are many humorous jokes in the deparment of IT
Some people deal with annoying customers
Some people deal with stupid customers
Did you hear the one about the customer
who thought that his cd tray
was a cup
holder
It was a good laugh
the kind of laugh you could feel good about
who makes that kind of stuff up!
youre the writer
you
tell
me
quote:
Mightion Defensor spewed forth this undeniable truth:
"Oops, I'm stuck to the chair."I can't make stuff up at this new job, either.
Just hope that karma doesn't turn around and stick to your ass for making fun of a guy who got a bit too attached to his chair. >:(
quote:
Verily, the chocolate bunny rabbits doth run and play while Mightion Defensor gently hums:
"Oops, I'm stuck to the chair."
I dunno. Depending on who said it, that could be incredibly hot; just the sort of thing you'd want to hear.
In short, it's not funny without context.
--Satan, quoted by John Milton
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
Gork had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
And seriously, what the fuck is up with people giving me attitude in the gunstore? I have the guns dick! Don't give me attitude!
Someone tried to hold up a gun store out here a few months ago. 
quote:
Snoota said this about your mom:
Someone tried to hold up a gun store out here a few months ago.
I remember a news story about some old guy (late 70's I think) trying to rob a gun store with a knife. I always wondered if he was dumb, senile or just trying to get money out of sheer pity.
quote:
It has been ordained by Primus, that there will be a Chosen One who will use the Matrix to "light our darkest hour." That darkest hour may come sooner if Bloodsage keeps posting things like this:
I dunno. Depending on who said it, that could be incredibly hot; just the sort of thing you'd want to hear.In short, it's not funny without context.
An old woman who was getting her brand-new computer with dialup internet access configured.
Not hot at all.
Do you know how lucky we are that he failed?
Then why the hell do people come in to Starbucks everyday asking, "What's the thing you guys have that's like...frozen... and with coffee?"
FRAPPUCCINO, PEOPLE.
FRAPPUCCINO.
quote:Not too long ago I encountered a cashier at McDonald's who couldn't count to one.
When they turned on the Infinite Improbability Drive, Monica stammered,
Do people go into McDonalds asking, "What's that thing with the two all beef patties, special sauce, cheese, lettuce, all on a sesame seed bun?"
`Doc fucked around with this message on 05-30-2006 at 09:33 AM.
quote:
JooJooFlop Model 2000 was programmed to say:
I remember a news story about some old guy (late 70's I think) trying to rob a gun store with a knife. I always wondered if he was dumb, senile or just trying to get money out of sheer pity.
Opportunities for quoting the Untouchables.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
quote:
And I was all like 'Oh yeah?' and Monica was all like:
Do people go into McDonalds asking, "What's that thing with the two all beef patties, special sauce, cheese, lettuce, all on a sesame seed bun?"Then why the hell do people come in to Starbucks everyday asking, "What's the thing you guys have that's like...frozen... and with coffee?"
FRAPPUCCINO, PEOPLE.
FRAPPUCCINO.
Big Mac rolls off the tongue easier 
quote:
Monica had this to say about Tron:
Do people go into McDonalds asking, "What's that thing with the two all beef patties, special sauce, cheese, lettuce, all on a sesame seed bun?"Then why the hell do people come in to Starbucks everyday asking, "What's the thing you guys have that's like...frozen... and with coffee?"
FRAPPUCCINO, PEOPLE.
FRAPPUCCINO.
How the fuck do you pronounce that word?
Fra-poo-chee-no? What the fuck? Is there any other word in the entire english language that is pronounced that way?
If no, why the hell does Starbucks feel the need to invent some stupid word that's spelt weird and screw around further with the English language? Willias fucked around with this message on 05-31-2006 at 01:22 AM.
quote:
Monica had this to say about pies:
Do people go into McDonalds asking, "What's that thing with the two all beef patties, special sauce, cheese, lettuce, all on a sesame seed bun?"
oh geez oh god that can't be a Big Mac god you reversed the cheese and lettuce and forgot the pickles and onions.
I know I've gone into fast food places and asked what that "New chicken sandwich I saw on TV" is called. Because I only saw the commercial once.
quote:
So quoth Monica:
Then why the hell do people come in to Starbucks everyday asking, "What's the thing you guys have that's like...frozen... and with coffee?"
Because they've never been to a Starbucks before and saw a commercial about it and forgot what it was called? Falaanla Marr fucked around with this message on 05-31-2006 at 01:57 AM.
quote:
Willias had this to say about Jimmy Carter:
How the fuck do you pronounce that word?Fra-poo-chee-no? What the fuck? Is there any other word in the entire english language that is pronounced that way?
If no, why the hell does Starbucks feel the need to invent some stupid word that's spelt weird and screw around further with the English language?
It comes from cappuccino, which *gasp* IS pronounced that way! They are basically exact opposites of each other. (Which is really fun when someone orders a mocha cappuccino when they wanted a mocha frappuccino. I mean, we can remake it, it's no big deal, but still. We're not mind readers, duder.) Fun trivia: an actual cappuccino is half steamed milk, half foam. "French vanilla cappuccinos" that you get at 7-11 aren't really cappuccinos at all, they are just watery vanilla lattes. And "french vanilla" is just a cute word to make people think they're getting something fancier than what they are.
And you can go friggin' almost anywhere for a frappuccino. You can o to 7-11 or a grocery store for the stupid bottled ones, there's a Starbucks inside almost every Albertson's, Target, and Barnes & Noble, you can get the rip-off equivalent at Arby's (the Jamocha shake thing), and I heard Tim Horton's has "iced cappuccinos" that they pawn off on people.
They invented that stupid word as a marketing tool. Big Mac, Whopper, Carl's Jr. Star, or whatever it is. Starbucks has made a METRIC FUCK TON of money off of that stupid word, and now every other place that you go to tries to have some rip-off equivalent of it.
Probably the only reason they don't run more advertising on it (and they don't put out commercials, so that's the other half of the reason) is because they've had Frappuccinos for the last 10 years. Nowadays they only try to make a big deal out of it when they put out a new kind. Corporate will try to bullshit you and say that a Starbucks employee actually invented it, but the other theory is that they got it when they bought some company in Boston in 1995 who had been running it for like the past 10 years before that. So I dunno, man.
ANYWAY MY POINT IS THIS:
No, I cannot expect everyone to be familiar with coffee shop terminology. I recognize that I will get people asking for "French Vanilla Cappuccinos" until the day I quit. No matter how much it irritates me, I will still try to be friendly and explain to them what they are actually wanting. I recognize that not everyone knows what an actual Italian-style cappuccino is.
HOWEVER.
A Starbucks frappuccino is the equivalent of the McDonald's Big Mac. And since nowadays they've reached the point where they are building Starbucks across the street from Starbucks (or in my case, we have 3 within about a 1 mile radius - 1 corporate store and 2 licensed ones, inside Target and Barnes and Noble), the number of people who have never been to a Starbucks is dwindling. Easily 90% of these people know what they want, they just can't be arsed to look at the menu to be reminded of the name. Remember, Starbucks doesn't run TV commercials, and I, at least, have never known them to run things like billboards except to advertise the existance of a nearby Starbucks. Which means these people have been to Starbucks, they are just too fucking lazy to tilt their heads up and to the right side of the menu.
I want my slurpee coffee that has vanilla in it damnit! I don't care what you call it.
(Note, I go to starbucks maybe once every 4 months. Unless someone else is buying. It's good but not worth the money they want. And yes I realize you have terminology and specific words for everything. I don't care to learn them, sorry. But not really sorry.)
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BetaTested had this to say about Robocop:
No, it means I don't want to learn your coffee shop terminology. It's a large, not a venti or whatever the crap. And since when has small been synonomous with tall?I want my slurpee coffee that has vanilla in it damnit! I don't care what you call it.
(Note, I go to starbucks maybe once every 4 months. Unless someone else is buying. It's good but not worth the money they want. And yes I realize you have terminology and specific words for everything. I don't care to learn them, sorry. But not really sorry.)
Yeah we've all heard the jokes about the starbucks sizes, they're run into the ground.
But that's kinda assholish and a little like saying you just want to walk into a burger joint and get the meat thingy with the bread.
No point in getting all uppity with starbucks employees and bitching about sizes and names when they just work there. Learning the names shows that you aren't completely lazy and retarded, and makes their minimum wage job a little easier.
On top of making you less of an asshole and customer from hell. Fizodeth fucked around with this message on 05-31-2006 at 12:58 PM.
quote:
Verily, BetaTested doth proclaim:
No, it means I don't want to learn your coffee shop terminology. It's a large, not a venti or whatever the crap. And since when has small been synonomous with tall?I want my slurpee coffee that has vanilla in it damnit! I don't care what you call it.
(Note, I go to starbucks maybe once every 4 months. Unless someone else is buying. It's good but not worth the money they want. And yes I realize you have terminology and specific words for everything. I don't care to learn them, sorry. But not really sorry.)
It's not like they got the terms from another planet. They're trying to simulate an Italian coffeeshop, therefore they use Italian terms. They don't do it out of spite because they hate anyone who is "uncultured." People like you are the reason we started making frappuccinos: it's coffee for people who don't drink coffee. Also, small is tall because we used to have only 2 sizes: short and tall. Short being something like 8 oz, tall being 12.
Honestly, I don't understand why people freak out about the sizes so much. We still speak ENGLISH, and we're not going to care if you call it a medium or a large or whatever. I spend all day asking people WHAT SIZE because of that shit, and I really don't get it at all. I get customers who come in all the time, who KNOW the sizes, but call it "THE BIG ONE" and that's totally fine, as long as I know what you're talking about.
You want to suck pure frozen sugar through a straw, that's fine with me, but don't bitch at the person behind the counter because you don't feel like calling it a venti. They really don't get paid enough to give a shit. Monica fucked around with this message on 05-31-2006 at 01:15 PM.
that's why i don't go there ever
In other news I want a big mac now. 
It's like, no wonder the company has grown so fast.
A tall latte, broken down:
cup - $0.08
lid - $0.05
sleeve - $0.05
2oz espresso - $0.40 (At Starbucks, we only put 1 shot in a tall, so it would be ~$0.20 for us.)
milk - $0.24
Estimates, but still a good portrayal. The drink costs less than a buck to make, and then we turn around and sell it for $3. Want to add a syrup? You can buy bottles of syrup from Starbucks, the big ones that we use, for roughly $5-10 a pop. For the entire bottle. Yet we charge $.30 to add syrup to your drink.
Don't get me wrong, I do like my job, but yes, I agree, FUCK THAT'S EXPENSIVE. Monica fucked around with this message on 05-31-2006 at 01:34 PM.
quote:
Monica probably says this to all the girls:
If you had any idea how much it actually costs to make some of these drinks versus what we sell them for... x_XIt's like, no wonder the company has grown so fast.
A tall latte, broken down:
cup - $0.08
lid - $0.05
sleeve - $0.05
2oz espresso - $0.40 (At Starbucks, we only put 1 shot in a tall, so it would be ~$0.20 for us.)
milk - $0.24Estimates, but still a good portrayal. The drink costs less than a buck to make, and then we turn around and sell it for $3. Want to add a syrup? You can buy bottles of syrup from Starbucks, the big ones that we use, for roughly $5-10 a pop. For the entire bottle. Yet we charge $.30 to add syrup to your drink.
Don't get me wrong, I do like my job, but yes, I agree, FUCK THAT'S EXPENSIVE.
Don't forget employee pay, property overhead including equipment, advertising and there's a bit less left over for profits 
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Vernaltemptress had this to say about (_|_):
Don't forget employee pay, property overhead including equipment, advertising and there's a bit less left over for profits
Starbucks don't really have as many employees as a fast food restaurant...or equipment...or advertising, really. So, yeah they might not really be making 2 bucks a pop off every drink, but it's still more profitable than other fast food restaurants I would imagine.
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Mr. John Q. Gainsborough Esq. III had this to say about Duck Tales:
Starbucks don't really have as many employees as a fast food restaurant...or equipment...or advertising, really. So, yeah they might not really be making 2 bucks a pop off every drink, but it's still more profitable than other fast food restaurants I would imagine.
They don't have as many employees but damn near all of them have benifits. StarBucks spends more on employee benifits than they do on coffee beans.
One of the few good things about the company.
They do charge you $5 and hand you a cup of coffee.
There's a logic to it that a lot of people miss.
Bear with me now.
Starbucks charges $5 for one cup of coffee and a 2-hour seat rental.
All that crappy art on the walls? Conversation pieces. The coffee pots and assorted overpriced paraphernalia that no sane person would buy? More conversation pieces. That one table with the comfy chairs? Either you get to sit in them, or you get to rant to your friends about whose dumbass idea it was to have only one set of comfy chairs. The whole place is designed to be "cool" and "trendy" and "hip", even though the people who were "cool" and "trendy" and "hip" stopped using words like "cool" and "trendy" and "hip" years ago.
Of course, some people get Starbucks to go, there are now Starbucks kiosks, and I even heard about a drive-thru Starbucks. Such things are blasphemous to the nature of Starbucks, because people continue to pay the rental fee without actually getting anything.
Not that I've ever liked how Starbucks operates. I generally don't even drink coffee. Unfortunately, a few of my friends were hooked on the stuff, which gave me ample opportunities to ponder the nature of Starbucks while drinking a latte or frappuccino and listening to people talk about the same things over and over again.
The idea is that we're supposed to be giving them "legendary service", but I can't help but wonder how that works when you're shoveling people through a drive-thru. Monica fucked around with this message on 05-31-2006 at 03:37 PM.
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Sean wrote this then went back to looking for porn:
id 10 t errors
I first saw this joke in a starwars fan film. Made me laugh. Really loudly. DrPaintThinner fucked around with this message on 06-01-2006 at 08:42 PM.
quote:
Monica wrote this in the snow with their pee:
It comes from cappuccino, which *gasp* IS pronounced that way! They are basically exact opposites of each other. (Which is really fun when someone orders a mocha cappuccino when they wanted a mocha frappuccino. I mean, we can remake it, it's no big deal, but still. We're not mind readers, duder.) Fun trivia: an actual cappuccino is half steamed milk, half foam. "French vanilla cappuccinos" that you get at 7-11 aren't really cappuccinos at all, they are just watery vanilla lattes. And "french vanilla" is just a cute word to make people think they're getting something fancier than what they are.
Screw that, give me a double double any day.
