Do you ever get naked, squat over a mirror, and just stare into the abyss? After about an hour, it starts looking a like a guy with a beard put lipstick on and puckered up.

No.

I haven't.

I imagine it's what the face of Mars looks like, actually.

On a similar subject, I was watching TV at work at like two AM(thank God for two hours of Fresh Prince), and flipped to an infomercial about Colon Cleansing. The first thing I saw when changing the channel was a close up of someone's dirty colon wall.

Yeah, back to the Fresh Prince it was.

Thats a GREAT infomercial... tells you hwo this guy used faith healing, and colon cleaning to cure himself of lung cancer, and how he grew a leg back after vietnam. And how did he accomplish this most reptilian fo feats?

COLON CLEANSING! Your poop chute is the secret to life everlasting.

Well, if late night TV has taught me anything, you have to combine things to make better products.. So lets make that Colon Cleansing, with Icelandic fish extract, administered by Carleton Sheets, and performed on some beautiful lakefront property in oklafuckinghoma that you bought from Ponch from TV's CHiP's!

I can't even see my asshole.

Never seen my own asshole and I pray to god I never do.