This is the quest that I'm having an increadible amount of difficulty with as of today.
I need a topic for a small 8-10 minute speech.
It needs to be hilarious.
Everyone ought to be able to relate to it somehow (wide comedy.)
It needs to have 3 sub-topics that make it interesting.
I was going to do something about The three types of guys who always get the girl. The jock, the musician, and the suave agentlike man.
Another idea was how buffets are the center of life as we know it. I can't find shit for sub-topics.
Please just shout out your first or best idea, and you might just cause world peace.
I can't think of anything else right now but you are welcome to use the above if you feel inclined to.
quote:
Mix BacardiMunch with water, and you get:
I'm in need of something juicy.This is the quest that I'm having an increadible amount of difficulty with as of today.
I need a topic for a small 8-10 minute speech.
It needs to be hilarious.
Everyone ought to be able to relate to it somehow (wide comedy.)
It needs to have 3 sub-topics that make it interesting.
I was going to do something about The three types of guys who always get the girl. The jock, the musician, and the suave agentlike man.Another idea was how buffets are the center of life as we know it. I can't find shit for sub-topics.
Please just shout out your first or best idea, and you might just cause world peace.
John Pinette does the buffet stuff.
don't touch the buffet 
quote:
-Yuri- said this about your mom:
I've been meaning to do a set about why police yell 'POLICE OPEN UP' when they are trying to 'sneak up on' a group of people when doing a raid.. Maybe next comedy night.. I was asked to come back last time.I can't think of anything else right now but you are welcome to use the above if you feel inclined to.
They do that because they can get sued or shot. You sneak up, then do something loud to startle people, then they're off balance and easier to take down with your organized unit.
It's funny to think of cops sneaking up to a house like Halloween pranksters, though, then freaking people out.
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
A wise man once said, study your prey to understand the hunt. Well actually he didnt, but what I think he shouldve said was study your predecessors to understand your prey. Now by what means could you apply this phrase in todays world? Well there are plenty of ways, but Im talking about the wonderful art of wooing. The girl magnets of the modern day era. The specifics males require specifically have truly been analyzed by every generation until the idea has held true for more than 20 years. Indeed you may ponder, what could these be and most importantly, do I have them? The three ideal generic types of men that always get the girl include the jocks, the artists, and the suave boys. If you fall into one of these three categories women will love you like Michael Jackson loves Publicity. Now pay attention as we delve into this thickly laden universe of cologne and striking ability. Any men in the audience might want to take notes.
The easiest thing to do in todays knowledgeable society is stay healthy and physically fit. Some parents put the children on steroids as early as the age of 3. Growing into the next idea is when females are actually a feasible idea, high school. Now in high school the one way to be healthy and fit is to be an athlete of course. This later can lead into professional sports or even the Olympics. Now what attracts females to athletes? Is it the muscles that theyve toned to an astonishing quality for years without end? Is it the feats accomplished such as scoring a goal or donning more armor than most S.W.A.T. just to play a game? Is it the strut after a good game success, or maybe even just having the support of cheerleaders? No chaps, its one thing that we least expected, Pheromones. Just like the Herbal Essence slogan states, Its whats inside that counts oh, wait thats A truly organic experience, but thats ok because thats still usable. You see men who are athletes have found a way to control the glands that secret their pheromones. A man whos just average on strength and competes in a professional sport or event can secret enough pheromones to render any woman unconscious and latched on with a death grip. Just say for instance that a man who is a trained sportsman isnt having the greatest conversation with any given female, so he decide to flaunt his talent and activate the glands. What woman could resist any man who can run at high speed and jump over a lengthy pit of vipers and then chemically enhance him self, such as the men in the Brazilian pit viper jumping championship. Pole-vaulters have more women than anyone I can imagine having, I guess this is what keep the polish race breeding.
In the brilliant free world many artists have come to sweep the stage with their music, talents, and performances. The stage their sweeping however, has all the women they want on it. Men who can give the most astonishing performance in a decade are practically worshipped by the female sex. The problem with this is that in some cases of theatre a few of those men wont even respond back to the frenzied cries of women. These men in particular upset and scare the majority of males, but due to their instinctively good fashion taste and undeniable talent they are left alone to soak up the waves of appreciation. The other extremely persuasive type of artist is the musician. This happens to be a category that many men without any real talent can say just about anything and make it work a bit of improvisation on the guitar. Yeah your cooking really sucks and is the one thing that makes me laugh, but without you girl my life feels incomplete and my heart; only half. Now any self respecting woman I know would scoff at this poetry, but put it to a wave of strums on the old acoustic and youve got the most popular musician or musicians since even the Beetles. Look what that group sang about yellow submarines, walruses, and doing what in the road? Now mind you they mightve had more talent playing the instruments than some artists. If I held a guitar up here and sang this speech I might be able to possibly even have 1 or 2 girlfriends. Though they might find out about each other. The concept of learning an instrument just enough to play one song in front of a crowd of women and walk away with at least one of them is sheer genius.
Now the last most intriguing brand of girl grabbers are the suave men. The ones who always have that practiced stance, the delicately combed hair, a seemingly cool glare, and a snazzy wristwatch. These men rely on a few things in particular to carry them through to the ultimately prized goal of the woman: charm, a plan, and somewhere they need to be. Take for instance the poster boy of suave. James Bond. Charm comes complimentary of a British accent apparently, and Bond always has a plan that could catch the attention of any woman. Scene, a women in a black dress walks up to James Bond and places herself in the seat next to him. She lights a cigarette and merely glares at him. Then introduces herself as some unpronounceable Russian name. Being fully aware that this woman would be a challenge, possibly a spy, and cause the mission to completely fail he takes complete trust in her and says My name is Bond, James Bond. And I would love to chat but well you see what I'm going to do is walk over to that bar, order a vodka martini, win 50000 dollars from a dealer over at that blackjack table, use the money to pay off a deal with another agent sitting at that V.I.P table in the corner, pick up a gun from inside his bread roll and use it to shoot the chandelier over those two French midgets who happen to be here on an assassination job from Greek Business Barons. Even if this later causes his eventual capture and results in Bond being chained to a wall, he can still smirk at the enemy female spy and take pride in winning her in the proceedings of what he considers a semi-normal day. This art takes the most practice and confidence than the other 2. Women can tell if that charm and wristwatch are fake, including the British accent. If you dont have a plan or cant make a plan on the spot that seems believable its over. What if you dont have somewhere to go after the main conversation and stay to talk, this is going to make it seem like talking to her was the most important thing you had to do. Yes that was slightly chauvinist.
In closing I would like to warn you about thinking of designing your appeal with one of these examples as a guideline. If you succeed you will more than likely end up with a gorgeous and well endowed woman, but this does not guarantee you will not have any shopping bills to pay. So if you thought it was a good idea please consider the pros and cons in full form. As I think about everything Ive just informed you about I suddenly came to a realization, you dont really need to be any of these things. In fact, the only thing you really need is to be a millionaire. I think Ill try sticking to being one of the dying breed, the nice guys. Maybe Ill just go find some Canadian girl who likes the Ninja turtles as much as I do.
