"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
I remember learning this joke back in grade 7 (Damn... 9 years ago?)
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Katrinity got bored and wrote this:
Heh, funny. Sounds like a 'joke' I heard years ago about the best way to get back at an adulterous husband. Slip him something that puts him to sleep, get him on a sky-diving plane, go up, strip him naked with only a parachute on his back as 'clothing', tie a heavy rock (50 lbs or more) to a rope to his balls, prop him up by the door until he wakes up. Smile and tell him his options as you kick the rock out the door and push him along with it. Either he saves his life and pulls the cord to the parachute, suffering a nasty neutering, or he doesn't, saving his balls but ending his life.
Or he unties the rope around his nuts at 200mph, and lives. ;O
quote:
Delphi Aegis enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
Or he unties the rope around his nuts at 200mph, and lives. ;O
Heh, there are ways around that too. Handcuff his hands up by the rip-cord for the parachute, not giving him enough leverage to undo the rope.
quote:
Katrinity had this to say about (_|_):
Heh, there are ways around that too. Handcuff his hands up by the rip-cord for the parachute, not giving him enough leverage to undo the rope.
Maybe if whoever was doing this wasn't such a huge b*tch, he wouldn't have cheated on her in the first place.
quote:
Cap'n Elethi had this to say about Matthew Broderick:
Maybe if whoever was doing this wasn't such a huge b*tch, he wouldn't have cheated on her in the first place.
Heh
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An elderly American tourist flew into Paris, gathered
his luggage in the baggage room and proceeded to go
through French Customs. He was fumbling for his
passport when the customs official spoke to him loudly,
"You 'ave been to Franze before monsieur?" he asked sarcastically.
The old man admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection before you get to our counter."
"Well, the last time I was here I didn't have to show it."
"Zat is impossible, monsieur! You Americans always 'ave to show your passport on arrival in Franz!"
The old senior gave the young Frenchman a long, hard look.
Then he quietly replied: "When I came ashore at Omaha Beach,
on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find a Frenchman to show it to."
After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"
"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.
"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie, "Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."
