"Lenlalron the Hamster Learns a Lesson About Envy"
Once upon a time, in the great EverCrest Forest, there lived a somber little hamster by the name of Lenlalron. Lenlalron lived in a nice little burrow at the foot of a tree, and had lots to eat, but he was dissatisfied with his course in life. For you see, Lenlalron was but a hamster, and he often was depressed that, as a hamster, there was nothing particularly special about himself.
One day, Lenlalron decided to take a walk in the woods. "Perhaps my friends will cheer me up," he mused to himself. And so he walked far into the woods until he came across the river. He saw four of his friends on its muddy banks: Karnaj the Lewd Hare, Parcelan the Foul Beaver, Suddar the Solemn Guinea Pig, and Vorbo the Vile Newt.
He was about to approach when the sounds of laughter filled his ears. All of them were playing leapfrog and having a very good time, by the sound of it, as they laughed and giggled, hopping over each other. Lenlalron sighed and his head drooped. "I don't have any friends like that," he said, and walked off deeper into the forest.
He came across an old stump, where he found two of his other friends: Bajah and Led, the Loud-mouthed Raccoons. Again, he stopped in his approach to them and sighed. They looked so happy in each other's arms, and exchanged vile raccoon diseases through their noses. "I don't have any loved ones like that," the pitiful little hamster sighed, and walked deeper into the forest.
Suddenly, the ground shook beneath him, and he looked up to see Kagrama the Mighty Moose ramming his antlers against a giant tree, and causing great, juicy apples to fall from it. Fleeing from the onslaught of falling fruit, Lenlalron sighed to himself. "I'm not strong or well-fed like that," he said, and wandered deeper into the forest.
Depressed, envious, and deeply angsty, Lenlalron the Somber Hamster plopped himself at the base of a large tree and sighed remorsefully. Suddenly, he looked up to see two, bloodshot eyes staring down at him. It was the wisest creature of the forest: Callalron the Surly Owl!
"What seems to be so much trouble that you're angsting on my tree?" Callalron asked.
"Oh, Call!" Lenlalron sobbed. "Everyone is so much better than me! I can't stand all this jealousy and envy I feel!"
"Well, that's no reason to interrupt my watching Law & Order," Callalron said, ruffling his feathers, "but let me tell you: there's a lot you have to be thankful for, and a lot you shouldn't be envious of."
"But...I don't have friends like Karnaj, Parcelan, Vorbo, and Suddar," the hamster whined, "they all looked so happy playing leapfrog down by the river!"
"Leapfrog?" Callalron asked. "Oh, son, you shouldn't be envious of that, no sir. They're just buttfucking each other."
"Oh," Lenlalron said, "well...I don't have anyone to love, like Bajah and Led!"
"They're rabid, boy! They have to be together because nobody else will go near them," Callalron hooted. "You don't want to get no Raccoon-Transmitted Diseases, do you?"
"I guess not..." Lenlalron said, "but...I'm not strong and powerful like Kagrama! I saw him knocking apples out of the tree earlier!"
"Oh yeah," Callalron said with a sage nod, "I told him he would get superpowers if he made me a batch of apple cider." He ruffled once more, and looked down at Lenlalron. "You see, my hamstery friend, it's a double-edged sword. You don't have friends, or love, or strength. But on the plus side, you don't have rabies, mental problems, or a newt's dick up your ass."
"I never thought about it like that," Lenlalron said. He suddenly jumped up, furry hamster body brimming with pride. "From now on, I'll be happy just being Lenlalron! No more will I envy oth-"
Unfortunately, Lenlalron never got to finish his proclamation, as a giant owl pellet fell on him from above, crushing him dead. Callalron, the hamster whining done, went back to watching TV and wondering how Jack McCoy was going to prosecute today's criminal.
AND SO, THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
Envy leads to sadness leads to owl feces leads to Law & Order
I went O_o
then I laughed.
*claps* Well done.
Sean Connery for sure.
--Satan, quoted by John Milton
quote:
Bloodsage had this to say about dark elf butts:
Sean Connery for sure.
You ra-, oh.. 
It's not something people hear about.
quote:
Delaney wrote this then went back to looking for porn:
I only read the last line...I went O_o
then I laughed.*claps* Well done.
Hilarious, Snoota!
You sheep.
Parcelain, you disappoint us.
quote:
Aury had this to say about Pirotess:
Snoota is currently the king of the funnay.
Parcelain, you disappoint us.
The script practically writes itself.
Parcelan is a master of mixing disparate elements, though. Bajah the Samurai? Lashanna-as-Samus? Kagrama the Pirate? The melding of the disparate elements is what differentiates Connery-worthy badassitude from Brosnanesque coolness.
Nonetheless...I standby my comment in another thread. We have some VERY funny writers around here. Keep up the good work, Snoota 
sigpic courtesy of This Guy, original modified by me
quote:
Bajah got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
Why, this is almost exactly like a Parceop Fable I once read!
Yeah. I borrowed heavily from his style in order to show I could beat him at his own game.
I even used the same characters, minus the Snoota character.
quote:Very heavily.
Miiisstterrr Snootason. We've missed you.
Yeah. I borrowed heavily from his style in order to show I could beat him at his own game.I even used the same characters, minus the Snoota character.
