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How to Give a Pill to a Cat from the Wallowa County Chieftain Newspaper submitted by Ronnie Bruce1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. FORCE jaws open and PUSH pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignoring low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, FORCE mouth open with pencil and blow pill down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from roof of neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto cat's neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band, close cat's mouth and hold shut to the count of 30.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by piece of steak. BE ROUGH ABOUT IT. Hold cat's head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to Give A Dog A Pill:1. Wrap it in bacon.
[ 11-16-2003: Message edited by: Azymyth ]
EDIT - Oh, and if you're trying to force a cat to do anything, with any amount of force... you shouldn't own a cat. Cats are not pack animals, and they view coersion as threatening. [ 11-16-2003: Message edited by: Drakkenmaw ]
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Drakkenmaw got all f'ed up on Angel Dust and wrote:
Most feline medications come in liquid form. The one time it didn't, our response was simple - place it in wet cat food, which he's not used to, and watch him devour it along with everything else without knowing the difference.EDIT - Oh, and if you're trying to force a cat to do anything, with any amount of force... you shouldn't own a cat. Cats are not pack animals, and they view coersion as threatening.
Or you could go "har har that was funny".
Seriously though, putting it in wet food doesn't always work. Often the animal will eat all the food, and spit the pill out when it's done. It can really be quite amazing.
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Inferno-Spirit stopped staring at Deedlit long enough to write:
Seriously though, putting it in wet food doesn't always work. Often the animal will eat all the food, and spit the pill out when it's done. It can really be quite amazing.
I know my cat somehow finds a way to do this. I remember the one time she somehow shot the pill across the room.
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Schalaa Zeal painfully thought these words up:
I laughed.
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Naimah enlisted the help of an infinite number of monkeys to write:
Why would you ever give a cat a medication? People give cats away.
That's what I told your mother when she got pregnant.
